maskormenace | (no subject)

(no subject)

[ So here's a new kid on the network tonight. Trying to find an angle that lets him hide at least some of his nervousness. Or at least lets him use it to channel his best impression of a Definitely Normal Team, No Superheroics Here Honest. He mostly just looks awkward and nerdy, which is … accurate anyway, so let’s go with that. ]

Hey - um, so I’m Peter. Peter Parker. And I just got here, and -

[ He’s read through what’s left of his files, he’s read through the last couple weeks of posts just to get a feel for things. After that, he has one incredibly important question: ]

Did I seriously just barely miss out on a Death Star being here? For real? That’s not fair. Please tell me it’s coming back at some point.

[ That’s probably an objectively incorrect thing to want, but. Look. That would have made his entire life. He could die happy. For the second time. Well, the second time dying, first time dying happy. Anyway, he turns reluctantly to the list of actual serious questions he made. Not enough time to ask them all (unless he just takes in a breath and rapid fire asks all of them in thirty seconds) so he’ll just pick one for now. ]

So, school. How is that working out for people who still hafta go? And can you like … argue with it at all? Because I’m all for finishing high school, but this is my third time going into sophomore year and I’m starting to feel like that movie with the Ghostbuster being depressed in Pennsylvania.

(( OOC: Spoilers for Far From Home are likely, but I can avoid them if necessary! ))

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[ Yep. No danger of hearing about that from Peter. ]

It's just normal, you know? Life got weird back home.

Normal ain't always that great either, y'know.

[One look at Guzma would tell anyone he doesn't give much of a crap about "normal".]

If that's all you're worried about though, then I think you're making a mountain outta a Dilbur hill.

[ Yeah, he does get that impression. Peter looks offscreen, a little frustrated. It's so hard explaining this without mentioning his alter ego. So time to go with the thing he can explain. ]

Look, man, I've kind of been dead for the last five years. Along with half of the rest of the population on Earth. We just got brought back to life like eight months ago? And things are still weird.

[That certainly gets Guzma's attention, at least. His eyebrows raise, though they soon furrow a bit, as if he's thinking a bit about what's just been told to him. It sounds fake as hell, but he's also aware of how screwed up some of these worlds can be...]

So, what's that like? Being dead for five years.

[a beat]

Like, were you aware of it?

[ He's being a little flippant about it, but only because the reality of it is horrifying. He takes in a deep breath before shaking his head. ]

Nope. Normal people like me didn't even feel a thing. One moment you're on the school bus, and the next you're just - gone. Dissolved. And then you come back and you're on that same school bus, except the bus is already full of your classmates from five years behind you. We call it a blip because that's what it felt like.

[ He's borrowing Ned's story here. And conveniently leaving out the part where having spider-senses made the experience traumatizing and painful. ]

I guess that's the best way to go. Not suffering and all that.

[But, that raises the question as to why he died, and you know... half the population.]

But, what gives? You piss off some deity or something? What the hell cuts the population down like that, and then brings it all back?

Sounds wack.

[ Ha ha. No suffering. Sure. ]

I mean, sort of? He was an alien named Thanos who was obsessed with everything being balanced. So he wiped out half of all sentient life.

Yeah? Sounds like a wackjob. They're always the ones who got more power than they oughta, huh?

[Says the guy literally working for a lady who wants to create a world that's only filled with her and her precious beasts.]

Well, whatever. That lunatic ain't here.

For now, anyway.

[Look, it's just true. For all they know, Thanos could show up with his pimp glove of universal destruction and snap out half of life again. Anything is possible in this shithole.]

For now?

[ Peter's voice cracks a bit at that. If Thanos shows up, he'll be 2 for 2 on his worst nightmares just casually hanging out here. ]

Well, you're here ain't ya? Who's to say that dude won't show up, it ain't like the Porter's picky.

[After all, it brought the Death Star, why not bring that genocidal toe in for a spin.]

[ Good god, Guzma. Make the kid have a panic attack, why don't you. ]

You've gotta be messing with me.

Look, I'm all about fuckin' with people, yeah? But I'm actually being serious about this. It's something to look out for.

[Look, he's just being realistic here.]

[ Yeah, okay. He's just going to go dead silent, visibly freezing up on his end of the feed. Don't panic, Peter. Don't panic. Come on... ]

[Oops. Too bad Guzma's not great at comforting, but here we go!]

Kid, freaking out over what could happen is stupid. Just prepare for the worst, and be ready to kick his ass if he shows up.

He ain't the only overpowered shitsneasel here—well, he ain't even here yet, which is my point, yo.

But I can't kick his ass. That's not how this works.

Just leave it to Aegis then, they're a bunch of self-righteous assholes who'll be glad to be the hero to your damsel in distress.

Shouldn't I at least warn them then?

Up to you, huh?

Me personally? I'd love to see 'em scramble to come up with a solution for a destructive dude like that.

[ Peter instantly flinches at that. ]

Dude. Thanos is not someone you wanna just scramble around with.

Eh, different strokes, yeah?

[Honestly, Guzma's just being an ass, which is his MO. If Thanos did show up, he'd take this a little more seriously.]

But I guess that means your decision's been made, kid. Better truck on along to Aegis, huh?

Yeah, I - yeah. I guess so.

[ Once he figures out how to approach them. As Peter? As Spider-Man? Both? ]

Are they like big shot heroes? Would they even listen to a kid like me?

They seem to think they are.

[After all, they all came down on him pretty hard when he caused a ruckus, so...]

Probably. Any chance to play hero, they're likely to be on it like stink on a Muk, yo.

[ Try a civilian approach, then. Unless Mysterio arranges this meeting first.

Also. Hang on. Did he just hear that right...? ]

What's a Muk?

[Good luck, Peter. They'll probably listen, they seem to care about these types of things for some reason.]

It's a Pokémon. One that's a living pile of sludge and toxic waste, with these solidified poison crystals for teeth and claws.

Smells goddamn awful.

[ Yeah he got stuck on one word in particular there. ]

You have a Pokémon. An actual, real life Pokémon.