THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2020

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: FEBRUARY 10TH, 2019open your heart

IMPORTS & EXPORTS
As seen in major news outlets:

Following the mass disappearance of imPorts and their subsequent return and reports of visiting another dimension, government officials have invited anyone who is willing to visit a porter city military base and take part in a formal interview and accounting of their experience. Officials report that the Porter itself has not shown any changes before, during or after the disappearance, and they do not currently have an explanation for its cause.

HEART ATTACKED
As seen in porter city news outlets:

Just as the missing heroes have returned, multiple native residents have reported attacks by unknown creatures, taking place at malls, parks, and other population centers. Descriptions vary on the creatures' appearance, but several witnesses claimed they were assaulted by living shadows.

Speculation has arisen as to whether this could be a resurgence of last year's cryptids, but whether they're a returning phenomenon or something new, police are cautioning citizens to be careful, as the creatures are dangerous. Some victims were taken to the hospital to have claw-like injuries attended to; additionally, several missing persons reports were filed in the wake of the attacks. A police spokesman assured reporters that there have as of yet been no casualties, as no bodies were found on the scene following any of the attacks.

WHATCHA GONNA DO
As seen going viral on Bwitter and BlueTube.:
As demonstrated by the trending hashtag #skullbait, it seems that even princesses aren't immune to bad boys. With the incriminating video of a heartfelt reunion that resulted in a loving embrace and locking of lips between Aegis' own Lucina and Maurtia Falls' resident ganglord Guzma, one might say their union is a modern day Romeo and Juliet. However, it would seem that not everyone is on board with these proclaimed "star-crossed lovers," and have taken it to social media to vent their outcries, while others seem more excited than ever over the couple.

There had been speculation over the past couple months, as the two had been seen in public quite often together, but there hadn't been anything substantial enough to confirm their relationship. Seems that's come to an end with this candid video of the two getting leaked online by an anonymous poster. Which has resulted in countless video edits either in support of the couple or in opposition, some edits even included putting the clip into compilation videos of soldiers coming home and reuniting with their overexcited dogs.

WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE
As seen on social media and pop-up media promotions:

It's the month of love! Be sure to show your best friends and that special someone just how much you care with the new app, Love Has A-Rose-en! This hot new app is endorsed by popular imPort Tina Belcher and is sure to make your Valentine's Day preparation easy as 1-2-3!

JUST GIVE ME A SIGN
As seen on fan blogs and Bumblr:

The temporary disappearance of many imPorts stirred fears that such a thing could happen again, and for good. As a result, imPort fans have challenged each other to obtain as many imPort autographs and photos as possible, many of which are appearing in online auctions.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from MORALLY GRAY to PINKEST PINK because love is in the air.

The Majority Report comes out the 10th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th.

Comments

[fauxmarth]

[lAUNCHES PHONE INTO THE NEAREST WALL.]

[golisolation]

[That sure is a phone that smashed into the wall right as he was about to enter the room. He stops, stares at the damage, then looks to Lucina almost placidly.

...Look, she breaks a lot of phones, and he's not one to criticize.]

Somethin' happen?

[Asking as he casually makes his way over to her, handing her his beer. Look, she probably needs it more than him right now if the phone's sudden demise is telling.]

[fauxmarth]

Gah-!

[she jumps, spooked, and immediately goes red in the face.]

What? Huh? I-- No! What? Why do you ask?

[she is making a very determined effort to not look at the phone crater. her fingers twitch before closing around the bottle pushed on her, staring at it in bafflement.]

Um...?

[golisolation]

Well, you ain't normally chuckin' phones like that—[he jabs his thumb over his shoulder at the offending crater]—'less somethin' happened.

[with a point at the bottle.]

And figured y'needed that more than me.

[fauxmarth]

A-ah...

[she spares a wincing glance to said crater, shoulders drawing up.]

Right... [ergh.] I guess I just...overdid it...again... [mortified:] I-I'm sorry. I'll...Well, I don't know how to patch walls, but I can...make up for it. Somehow.

[golisolation]

...You're avoidin' the question.

[He's not letting this go that easily!]

Do I gotta kick someone's ass?

[continuousgroaning]

[The fact that this has proper captialization and punctuation and not Tina's usual casual typing style means she's parroting a statement.]

I've heard there have been some minor issues affecting users of Love Has A-Rose-en, and we do apologize for any inconvenience this has caused. To that end we're offering another promo code, GLITTER4EVER, for a free mini glitter bomb with your purchase, or IN10SE for 10% off.

We hope you're enjoying the app and hope to have any issues patched soon.

[pullsheavendown]

Wait what's wrong with your app??

[continuousgroaning]

we've gotten some bad reviews talking about misdeliveries and wrong names on the cards and stuff

also an excess of glitter

text

[photografist]

Living shadows, huh.

text

[pullsheavendown]

I know what those are. They're not that tough in small numbers if you have powers, but most of the people in this world don't. And they can get stronger.

text

[photografist]

You're familiar with them?
What are they exactly?

Re: text

[pullsheavendown]

They're called Heartless and they're from the same place I am. They spread to other worlds, but never thus one before. And they hurt people. That's about all they do.

[photografist]

Literally heartless or are we speaking metaphorically?

[goldtoxicity]

Wait, is that why my patients keep asking me to take selfies with them?

[pullsheavendown]

Probably.

Text

[silvallyant]

Living shadows... they sound like the Ghost and Dark Type Pokemon we have back home, but they look nothing like them. If they're like the Ghost Types, I have my Pokemon to handle them.

... I didn't expect him of all people to be in a relationship, shocking news

Text

[golisolation]

[Yeah, he's going to ignore the stuff about the heartless, because that's not what's important.]

aint got no faith in big bad guzma HUH?

Re: Text

[silvallyant]

[of course he doesn't say anything about those creatures, when has he known Guzma to ever be helpful in that regard?]

Tell me where I said that? I'm just surprised, that's all. Is she anything like Plumeria?

[golisolation]

[Helpful? Yeah, that's not Guzma.]

w/e kid & she aint like plum not rly

[A beat, and then:]

well she can kick ur ass just as good
also u implying somethin w/ that line of questioning?

[Did Gladion think himself and Plumeria were a thing, or?]

[silvallyant]

So she's strong and can put up a fight against you is what you're saying then?
And why would I have to imply or assume something that everyone thought was quite obvious between you two?

[Although in hindsight, he was doing just that, assuming. Not like he was going to admit to that fault, least of all to Guzma of all people, especially when he had in fact thought the two were a couple. Or at the very least, close enough to be one.]

[pullsheavendown]

They're not ghosts, but you might as well try anything.

[silvallyant]

[finally, someone who actually gives an answer instead of what Guzma chose to focus on.]

What are they then, and how can they be beaten?

[pullsheavendown]

They're called the Heartless. They're made up of the darkness inside people's hearts once they've been lost.

You can beat them pretty much any way you want, if you can fight, but they come back eventually. At least that's how it worked in my world. Not everything is the same here though.

[silvallyant]

Heartless? So are these people who've been attacked are becoming those things?
And I can fight, as can my pokemon. We've had enough fights back home to be able to defend ourselves.