maskormenace | 003

Entry tags:

003 | Video

Good afternoon, imPorts. Most of you know me, but for those of you who do not, my name is Yuri Petrov.

[The man onscreen bows his head politely before straightening in his office chair. But it's a weekend, why is he working, you ask? Yuri knows not the meaning of the word weekend! He is a veritable workaholic, unabashedly so.]

I would like to take a moment today to speak with you about a matter that is very close to us all, if only because it pertains to a position we all find ourselves in. I am referring less to the point of our being in this world, and more to the fact that we have been given the opportunity to turn our unfortunate circumstances into something full of promise.

How can we do that, you ask? Let me explain.

[Yuri smiles, though the expression cannot be said to interrupt the rest of his professional countenance; it is very...impersonal.]

It is my job as a Registered Heroics Advertising Manager to assist you in accomplishing feats that will benefit you, your fellows, and the native citizens of this country and the rest of this world. Of course, my services are almost entirely exclusive to Registered Heroes, but I am not unable to help those of you who may be considering future Registration, either.

[A loophole he has conveniently worked in there so that he may be of assistance to those who may not necessarily want to Register, as he is not actually an advocate for Registration...despite being Registered, himself.]

For example, if you are lacking in finances to support yourself, I can help you find sponsors who will support your work in exchange for some advertising on your part. If you are having difficulty adapting to your surroundings or you find yourself requiring some guidance due to language or technological barriers, I can offer my services as someone who can be a confidant or a tutor. Furthermore, this line of work attracts conflict and misunderstanding; should you find yourself in the midst of a legal conundrum, I would be more than happy to advise you. Which isn't to say that you are limited to what aid I can offer, because you are not. In many cases, particularly those I have already mentioned, if you require special guidance, I can put you in contact with professionals who will respect your confidentiality and do their utmost to provide for you the appropriate care and relief.

[He gestures, palms open and up, as if to the network.]

Let us work together towards a brighter tomorrow and a secure future for us all.

[Yuri's e-mail and business phone number both appear, as if on cue, at the bottom of the screen.

Almost as an afterthought, and just as he is reaching toward the device to turn it off, the former judge adds...]

To the individuals occupying residence #017 in Heropa's government housing, I thank you for having me as long as you did, but I have now found my own place to call home in Heropa. I wish you all the best.

[Said residents will receive one thank you basket of various boxed chocolates, teas, and flavored coffees that will be left upon the dining room table for them to find. Attached to it is Yuri's business card.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ blah blah blah, talk talk talk, Dorian's eyes are about to metaphorically glaze over when wait a moment, lacking in finances?! He's lacking in finances, which was the whole damn reason he got arrested in the first place.

This is yet another reason why he needed to plan things out before doing dumbass decisions like robbing a bank. ]

You'll still offer these services to heroes who...ah, might have fallen off the tracks a little, right?

[You gotta work for it, Dorian. Don't you know what sponsorship is all about? Or did you neglect to listen to that part?]

Rehabilitation is an important part of preserving the integrity of a society and preventing individuals from repeating their mistakes.

[The more specific answer being...]

Ah...that is, yes. In a manner of speaking. My hands may be tied as to the limits of what I can offer, but I will certainly do all that I can.

[ he totally wasn't listening, Yuri. sorry. ]

Well, that's some good news to say the least.

[Well, he's in for a rude awakening then, isn't he?]

It is, indeed. I take it you are interested in seeking assistance?

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Someone's been busy.

[A grin.]

You moved, huh? Where do I bring a housewarming gift?

[You asked for this, Yuri. You have nobody to blame but yourself.]

As I am sure you know, I seldom have any downtime...Kotetsu.

[Yeah, still not easy to use familiar forms of address. But he is at least responding in video this time! So you can't complain about that.]

I have moved, yes. But it isn't necessary for you to bring me anything.

Edited 2014-09-20 22:50 (UTC)

Seldom make any, you mean.

[There might be something faintly teasing in the way he says 'seldom', too, because dude, you are seriously the stuffiest how do you even exist.]

Sure I don't. But that's what friends do, right Yuri?

[Trolololol.]

I said what I meant.

[Flat. Stare.]

...

[OH GOOD GRIEF DID YOU JUST CALL YOURSELF HIS FRIEND IN PUBLIC?

What is his life these days. What even is his life.]

I suppose, yes, but...there isn't anything that I need, Kotetsu. [And then to keep the other man from offering to buy him things he tacks on:] It would be enough to have your company one evening after I finish unpacking.

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[Is this a pyramid scheme.]

Advertising on imPorts? Or using imPorts in advertisements?

[The reign of Dodge Boy and Nabisco Girl starts now.]

Where I am from, either one is not unheard of. After all, not all Heroes are equipped to handle the costs that come with the trade.

[He's just thinking about those stories of people who got radio stations tattooed on their foreheads, thanks.]

So you've got people running around with cookies and soda and automobile logos all over themselves?

[~Heroes~ yuck]

The idea took us all getting use to in the beginning, but has proven itself to be quite successful in generating revenue for the companies and the Heroes themselves, which then helps the Heroes manage and support their dual lifestyle.