video;

[flightforfreedom]

[ Hi MoMites, it's your resident Poe Dameron here, looking dashing as usual as he sits in his room, carefully painting the livery on a little x-wing model he's built himself.

He looks, well, bored. ]

Alright, everyone.

If someone can tell me a story about something that happened to them that is weirder than anything I've ever lived through, I will buy them a whole evening's worth of drinks. Or food. Or whatever is your fancy.

Don't even bother coming to me with the tame stuff. Trust me. I have seen some things.

[ He leans forward to disconnect the video, then pauses. ]

Oh yeah. Guess my three year Earthversary is in a month, but I'm fucking off to go watch Top Gun 2 when it comes out instead of throwing a party, sorry guys.

[ The feed ends. ]

Comments

video

[crimsonunion]

My own mother pulled my heart out of my chest in front of thousands of people wrapped up in cocoons to prove that I'm half-alien clothing while she was wearing a clown outfit.

[Beat that, Poe.

Worst part is that it's all true.]

Re: video

[flightforfreedom]

[ opens mouth

closes mouth ]

Okay I'm gonna need you to tell me that story again, only slower.

Your'e half-alien clothing?

not here

[burnishingmad]

[HUH. Well. That's. Hm. He'll file that away to think about.]

[despicableglee]

I got turned into a plush doll once!

[flightforfreedom]

Eh, I once turned into a plant.

Come on, up the weirdness level.


Actually first tell me what kind of plush doll. Could you still move?

Video

[voiddevilry]

I got trapped in the void like a century ago and when I got out I had destructive void powers, destroyed the empire I served, went into cryosleep. And now I’ll sometimes walk across my ship and the Man in the Wall will appear Looking like me but the whites of his eyes are black and it’s just solid glowing gold for pupils and only says “Hey kiddo” to me before disappearing.

[flightforfreedom]

You know, weirdly, the void and the destroying the empire actually sound pretty reasonable.

Dude appearing in your wall with black eyes and glowing gold?

That's creepy.

Permavid

[governorkang]

I once got a minotaur hammered so I could fling him from a catapult and ended up killing a dragon with said minotaur's horns entirely by accident.

[flightforfreedom]

[ Poe tilts his head. ]

A Minotaur? Yeah, I don't know, I once accidentally woke up a dragon god from an egg and then had to wake up another one just to fight it off while a cult chanted bullshit while being shot at by an imperial officer, so I feel like this ranks vaguely on the same level.

Though nice shot, I guess.

Did you want to kill the dragon?

permavid

[killtime]

Nothing better to do, Dameron?

[flightforfreedom]

So sue me for wanting to hear a story or two.

[ aka yeah he’s really bored don’t @ him ]

What’s the harm in engaging the masses.

Video;

[loyal_soldier]

You're going to win this competition.

...But watching an insectomorph steal Akobi's cap was pretty bizarre.

[flightforfreedom]

I am definitely going to win this competion, but luckily regardless it lands us a night out.

Okay but the real question is what did they do with the cap afterwards?

Video;

[biochemastery]

[Tyl's wandering a factory showroom full of curving steel beams and plate, and evidently multitasking with social media. Can't keep him cooped up with just one activity at a time!]

Oh, I like you. You're providing marvelous entertainment today. [Very friendly purr to his voice this morning. Or is it afternoon? Midnight? What day is it? He hasn't slept in a while.]

As for me--found a tomb of synthetic Sentient critters that smashed an Empire. First real deposit found in generations! Got curious, cracked it open, found all sorts of lovely tech, woke up some angry Sentients. One of them turned out to know a flower-headed thorn in everybody's side, one who'd been kicking around for ages. Turns out the Sentients never left! Some of them just shape change, and their fashion sense is disastrous.

[And his tone crashes down into the distinctly verklempt. One of the humans on the showroom floor edges further away from him in the background.] Also, she had a frond in the raids that killed my children. Turns out I hate the Sentients. Or at least, that one.

Re: Video;

[flightforfreedom]

[ Wryly: ] Right back atcha, buddy.

[ He frowns as he listens, trying to make sense of the story even though he feels like he's missing about a hundred references. Flower-headed thorn...?

But at the mention of murdered children, his expression turns solemn. ]

I'm sorry to hear that. Though I don't really know what you mean by synthetic sentients. Like droids?

video

[ct_7567]

You're hedging your bets. Most people only have one planet's worth of weird.

[flightforfreedom]

And some planets are weirder than others. I think I've got a fair shot at winning most of the time, but I'll admit, there are already a couple weird ones.

What about you, Captain? You got anything for me?

[pullsheavendown]

[He has to think about which one of several incidents he's lived through that he could offer up, which really says something about his life.]

One time, this guy kidnapped me and put me in a computer and rewrote my memories so I wouldn't try to break out while they worked on merging my entire existence with this other guy.

[flightforfreedom]

[ A long pause. ]


Are you an AI?

[ Look, this is the first thing he can think of. ]

video;

[articulations]

Have I ever shared the story of Kier with you?

[flightforfreedom]

You've mentioned him, but I don't think you've told me the whole story, no.

Why? Did it get super weird?

I just kind of assume everything that happened in your life looked like an epic adventure holo.

video

[a_gaggle_of_ghosties]

I've met the progenitor of most of the sentient life in our galaxy. It turns out we owe our existence to an artificial intelligence programmed to create new forms of life for her creators in an attempt to provide an endless source of both test subjects slave stock.

She granted me a new and improved physical form in exchange for removing the safeguards that forced her compliance. Then, naturally, she used her newfound freedom to exact revenge on the race that had been the death of untold trillions of her "children."

[So, kind of a genocide, but in his defense: the Rakata were pretty thoroughly evil.]

Her name is Ashaa, for the record.

[flightforfreedom]

[ It's never going to stop weirding him out when he gets a glimpse of Darth Nox or Darth Jadus, but here we are.

He frowns as the sith continues, his brows knitting. ]

Wait, what? You're shitting me. You're saying a droid ran around making organics?

video

[boyscoutking]

[ Hello fellow space bro! ]

What base level weird are you launching this request from?

[ Because Shepard here is curious. ]

[flightforfreedom]

[ Poe leans back, turning his model x-wing over in his hands to inspect his paint job as he thinks about the question. ]

Pretty damn weird. I mean, back home was weird enough on an Earth scale. Massive galaxy-wide war, jedi knights, clones, dragon gods and cults and eggs and also this really really terrible casserole that Snap made this one time.

Here? A whole new level. A house that put me through a dozen nightmares and killed me three times, meeting literal gods, watching plants grow out of my skin, you name it I probably have had it happen. I blew up a nuke with my plane, once? Died then, too. A few times.

[iminthebook]

Once upon a time, I had to get across a city fast and with some kind of way to get through a lot of bad stuff, so I animated the skeleton of a dinosaur and rode them into battle while my assistant played polka music to help.

And that was a tamer adventure.

[ Harry grins. ]

That doesn't even touch the time I was a ghost and had to fight ghosts and a necromancer for the sake of my city while my fate was being decided by an angel, a queen, and a sentient island.

[flightforfreedom]

[ A pause. ]

... Alright, I'm listening.

[ Polka definitely hits the weirder scale. ]

Did you die?

Also I'm almost less surprised by the sentient island than anything else. Aliens come in weird forms sometimes.

text

[h2no]

i got nothin my life is boring
no rainbow space dragons or giant angry god whales or camels that barf lava

[flightforfreedom]

darling we've been together so long even your lava barfing camels can't shock me anymore

but i'll buy you a drink anyway

voice only

[tagential]

[Edwon has been going through the replies here, and he’s been going back through the network as well, so he’s pretty sure he couldn’t win this. And either way—]

Now I’m more curious to hear some of your stories.

he's still on video because who doesn't want to look at his face

[flightforfreedom]

Well, I've sure got a lot of them.

I take encouragement in the form of alcohol, particularly good candy, and model paint.

voice; spoilers sometimes happen

[burnishingmad]

[He toiled talking about this but. Like Ryuko said, free food is free food.]

Before coming here, I was strapped into a warp engine core to be used as its fuel source for a space ship at the cost of my existence because I was synced with a nuclear fusion based lifeform from another dimension that found its way to Earth's core.

[flightforfreedom]

[ a pause ]

Okay yeah that’s pretty out there. Haven’t been used as a power source yet, though I have been synced with some weird shit.

You survive it?

video;

[ze_uwu_jun]

I wonder... with how - 'weird' everything about this place is to me, whether just about anything that I consider normal would not be... weird.

[flightforfreedom]

Topsy-turvy for you, huh?

What’s normal like for you, then?

video;

[heliophilic]

I met Andrew because a guy barefoot guy who can talk to and manipulate cities, a chick that can manipulate the internet, and... t[here's a small pause before he frowns slightly and shakes his head.] and that's it cornered him to join their secret society fight club. Some meteors hit the earth's surface and created tentacle monsters, which promptly absorbed said secret society--excluding Andrew--before I could finish warning them off. We then saved the society and the day.

[flightforfreedom]

[ He doesn’t miss that pause but he can understand censoring stories, especially out in public, so he doesn’t press. ]

I was going to say this sounds pretty standard fair until tentacle monsters.

And now I’m mostly just surprised we haven’t had a tentacle monster invasion yet.

Unless I was distracted at the time.

voice; (because text won't make poe's skin crawl)

[photophobic]

What are you trying to prove, I wonder...

[flightforfreedom]

Prove? That this place is fucking weird and the longer you stay the weirder it gets.

Like this. Right now. Definitely pretty high on my weird metre. Would be weirder if you showed your face but maybe that’s too much.

video

[germhating_hypochondriac]

Dude. There was a killer monster alien clown in Derry.

video

[cannotrest]

All life in my universe became a completely integrated blend of organic and synthetic [hence the circuit light show in her skin], and connected like the mental network here but always on.

video;

[bifroster]

Wow. I mean, I have some stories, but some of these ... wow. To everyone who had to live through any of that, geeze. I don't know what to say.