video | content warnings for the devil being the devil

[dissemble]

[Did you know you had a Civil War Museum, residents of Heropa? If you didn't, be sure to pay attention to what you can see in the background of this man's video. It's a wonderful museum, well organized and very educational.

The man in the video is dressed unassumingly in overalls. He's shutting a door behind him and locking it- obviously he thinks closing time is the best time to greet the rest of the network.
Well, it takes all kinds, doesn't it? His voice is calm and there's almost a neighborly tone to it.]

Hi- I'm, uh. I'm only new here so maybe there's a memo I missed or something, but I was wondering about what exactly we're supposed to be doing here. I'm a fairly simple kind of a guy- I like to call things how I see them. Call a pitchfork a pitchfork, you get the picture.

Now, I'm under the impression that I've been kidnapped and brought to Florida against my will. Not only that- but I've been branded like a piece of cattle. Yet some of you seem to be suggesting I've been done a favor of some kind.

[A pause as he locks the front doors of the museum behind him, checks they're securely shut, and moves away from the building. His tone begins shifts away from good-natured.]

That's a little rude, don't you think? Bringing us all here without any consultation and then asking us to thank them for it? That's fairly arrogant of them, right?

[Wait- was that a scream in the background?]

Now, I don't know you and you don't know me- but I'm sure there's a better way to resolve our differences than having all of us lying down in the dirt and letting them piss all over us.

[As he moves away from the building those of you who were admiring the fine architecture will notice that there are flames coming out of the windows. And yes- those are definitely screams you can hear now.

Lucifer is looking frankly into the camera once more.]

Just my take on things.


[The feed ends.


ooc: this is why you don't give lucifer a job as assistant curator at the local civil war memorial.

heroes- the poor people trapped inside the museum need your help! Lucifer won't be sticking around to deal with the fallout but please go ahead and threadjack to organise/actionspam rescues on this post!]

Comments

voice

[larker]

[Nope. Nope. Oh for God sake. Why does this shit even happen? He got two days without brotherly crap going on.

Gabriel isn't even going to bother hiding. No reason to.]

Bro. Didn't take you long to make friends with the locals.

voice

[dissemble]

[There'd be no point hiding. It would just turn into angel hide and seek, which would turn into Shit Gets Broken.]

Seems I've made a lot of friends. [Someone applauded him, Gabe.]

Voice

[larker]

[Yeah things get broken okay. Normally Lucifer's toys. On occasion siblings too.

You hear this tone of voice? This is the same one Lucifer got before they last parted ways. The I'm very not happy with you right now voice.]

Oh yeah you'll be a superstar in no time, Luci. You'll be on billboards before you know it, starring in cereal adverts and morning TV shows. I'm happy for you.

Sudden action

[dissemble]

[Lucifer prefers to do his whining in person, so here he is.]

What's wrong with them? [He sounds faintly disgusted. Because Lucifer? He takes no joy in killing his own kind and those like him (admitedly, there's only three others in that category, but who's counting?)]

I told Dad they were broken. Look how happy they are to see each other go up in flames.

[larker]

[Gabriel isn't too surpised when Lucifer shows up seemingly out of the woodwork. It's not like the day can get any worse. That being said, Gabriel isn't taking any chances either. It's only been two days since he "died" and it's not something he wants a repeat of so soon.

For now Gabriel keeps Lucifer at arms length, making sure to be facing his brother at all times and -

Wait, he only showed up to whinge? Gabe rolls his eyes, shrugging.]

How would I know in this place? Stockholm syndrome? I don't even know if Dad even made all of these ones anyway. You've not been here an hour and you are already whining. Get over it.

[dissemble]

[You're safe for now, little brother.

Lucifer sits himself on something nearby- making himself at home while he's here.]

Speaking of getting over things- [his tone takes an edge that borders threatening and curious.] you're a lot less dead than when I left you.

[larker]

[Gabriel has kind of figured that. Doesn't mean he has to like this though. You're the best big brother but this archangel's feathers are still ruffled.]

No thanks to you, bro. [Folds his arms. Don't take that tone of voice.] And no, I don't know what's going on here. I only just arrived two days ago. Now you know as much as I do, congratulations you are now up to speed.

[dissemble]

[Luci's thinking of going to the beach. You could totally join him and soothe those feathers.

Gabriel isn't lying- he's not that stupid, but that gives Lucifer no comfort.] Asking for free donuts and coffee. [Yeah, he read that.]

[larker]

[That's actually quite tempting, especially considering that shit is hitting the fan.

The mention of coffee and donuts gets a shrug and a grin, Gabriel holding his hands up in the age old gesture of "what can you do?"] It worked. I got to see who the rebels are, who the investigators are, and which ones were the ones who just dragged their asses in this place....which is actually most of them.

[dissemble]

[there's probably ice cream there]

They're humans, little brother. They wear their natures on their sleeves. [He hasn't properly met the non-humans yet.]

[larker]

[sounds good, this is probably a trick.]

Yeah well I was bored and had nothing better to do. What're you gonna do now anyway? There's a severe lack of others here to piss on your parade.

[Like seriously. No other brethren, no Winchesters, no-one to screw things up....]

[dissemble]

[the trick is that humans are dumb and you should totally help him get rid of them all.]

They'll show up eventually. [Lucifer has little doubt of that. The Winchesters were a bizarre universal constant.

But Gabriel had a point. There was no impending apocalypse here. No heaven to fight or hell to be wearied by. His vessel didn't even seem to be wearing itself out any longer.]

We could remake this world, Gabriel.

[larker]

[Lame.]

Probably.

[The mention of remaking the world actually gets a good laugh out of Gabriel. Until he realizes his brother is mostly serious, then it just tapers off. He just spent God knew how long on earth to get away from this bullshit, it's highly doubtful he'll change his mind now.]

Right. I'll go fill out some paperwork and you let the proper authorities know. [Eyebrow raise.] That was a no, for the record. Stop trying to drag me into your apocalyptic bullcrap. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I still want nothing to do with it. The only time I decided to get involved, you shanked me. So no thank you.

[dissemble]

You left me no choice. [He's standing now, glaring in righteous fury at his younger brother.]

[larker]

[Fight or flight is kicking in, doubly so in the face of that righteous anger. Gabriel is only just managing to stand his ground, digging his heels in through sheer stubbornness. He's going to have to divert that anger somehow....]

I'm just saying don't drag me into it again I have enough on my plate trying to get out of this nightmare landscape! So stop being a douchebag for five minutes, okay?! I mean we're not omnipotent here, in case you haven't noticed.

[Shit, maybe it would have been better to do that runner.]

[dissemble]

Of course I noticed. [aahahaaaa and doesn't he sound bitter.

it's enough to deflect his anger, he turns away.] I'd have expected you to be as angry as I am about that.

[larker]

Of course I'm pissed off. I'm just not trap-people-in-a-building-and-light-a-match pissed off. [At least that fury isn't directed at him anymore, Gabe can deal with that. And maybe start breathing again]

Look. Nothing in this place means anything to anyone right now. We should find the exit and then get the hell out of dodge.

[dissemble]

The powers that be aren't going to send us home for not playing along.

That means they either don't care, or they can't.

[larker]

Who cares about the powers that be here? I don't want to be here and there has got to be an exit. You don't just drag people and things through and make it a one way system.

Do I have to assume you're going to be taking over?

[dissemble]

[Have a severely disgusted look.]

Please. With no heaven and no hell all this place is useless.

[larker]

[Resisting the urge to eye roll here. It's also tempting to just stick his tongue out like a small child.

Best that he doesn't though. Gabriel likes his tongue where it is.]

Good. And don't look at me, I have no idea what we're meant to be doing. You should find yourself a hobby.

[dissemble]

[Now Lucifer wants to roll his eyes.]

Do you enjoy being that pathetic? Or have you just spent so long with them that you've lost all sense of pride in yourself?

[larker]

[Pathetic? Pathetic is holding a fiendish grudge for millenia, taking it out on the first things within grabbing distance. Pathetic is having a tantrum over who Daddy loved the best. Pathetic is also casting your own kin down into Hell. Michael doesn't get to escape the irritation either.

Gabriel is already over this conversation, slumping onto a chair. Even without Michael around, or God, or anything to shit stir, Lucifer is still being a dick. Maybe it's time to just find another corner of the world, hunker down, and stay away from it before he's dragged back into the fight. He'd spent all that time hiding, staying out of angelic business for a reason. Gabriel is all too aware of who would come out on top in a fight, it's only been three days since Elysian Fields. This whole place is a big, cosmic joke. Here you go Gabriel, you can be in a place where none of that shit matters. Hell, here's your brother you look up to as well, though we're going to make it so he's still carrying that fucking grudge.

Yes, humans can be disgusting. Gabriel can agree with that. At some point he's even going to go back to tormenting them before killing off the bad eggs. Yet even now they're all trying to get those people out of the building. It's just reinforcing what he's said before. They try.

This shit is tiring. ]

You know I love you, but I'm tired of this, Lucifer, and it's only been an hour. Go away and find yourself another museum or something.

PRIVATE. VIDEO.

[selfimage]

[he only pops on for a moment, but it's just enough. he leans into the camera, and then waves his dark nailed fingers at him with a little smile.]

Toodles.

PRIVATE. VIDEO.

[larker]

[Scowls. Oh you little bastard. They'll be having words later , you hear him? Words!]