video | content warnings for the devil being the devil

[dissemble]

[Did you know you had a Civil War Museum, residents of Heropa? If you didn't, be sure to pay attention to what you can see in the background of this man's video. It's a wonderful museum, well organized and very educational.

The man in the video is dressed unassumingly in overalls. He's shutting a door behind him and locking it- obviously he thinks closing time is the best time to greet the rest of the network.
Well, it takes all kinds, doesn't it? His voice is calm and there's almost a neighborly tone to it.]

Hi- I'm, uh. I'm only new here so maybe there's a memo I missed or something, but I was wondering about what exactly we're supposed to be doing here. I'm a fairly simple kind of a guy- I like to call things how I see them. Call a pitchfork a pitchfork, you get the picture.

Now, I'm under the impression that I've been kidnapped and brought to Florida against my will. Not only that- but I've been branded like a piece of cattle. Yet some of you seem to be suggesting I've been done a favor of some kind.

[A pause as he locks the front doors of the museum behind him, checks they're securely shut, and moves away from the building. His tone begins shifts away from good-natured.]

That's a little rude, don't you think? Bringing us all here without any consultation and then asking us to thank them for it? That's fairly arrogant of them, right?

[Wait- was that a scream in the background?]

Now, I don't know you and you don't know me- but I'm sure there's a better way to resolve our differences than having all of us lying down in the dirt and letting them piss all over us.

[As he moves away from the building those of you who were admiring the fine architecture will notice that there are flames coming out of the windows. And yes- those are definitely screams you can hear now.

Lucifer is looking frankly into the camera once more.]

Just my take on things.


[The feed ends.


ooc: this is why you don't give lucifer a job as assistant curator at the local civil war memorial.

heroes- the poor people trapped inside the museum need your help! Lucifer won't be sticking around to deal with the fallout but please go ahead and threadjack to organise/actionspam rescues on this post!]

Comments

[voice] god i feel stupid writing cop lingo

[connate]

[ normally he'd spare a comment to make sure people are being careful, but something tells him edgeworth has that covered. ]

Any of them catch sight of the perp? [ he saw the name attached to the broadcast, and no, he's not saying it out loud. ]

[voice] I know the feeling

[glassinine]

No. All of them arrived after the fact. Given this video, though, and his responses to the comments upon it, it won't be hard to pin the crime to him.

[voice]

[connate]

Proving his guilt isn't the part I'm worried about. [ more the apprehending and the superpowers, but that can wait. the call starts to break up with the background noise at the museum; yelling, mostly. ]

Any superpowers that can help us out on the top levels?

[ superpowers. still sounds stupid. also did a kid just fly into that window. ] —Scratch the last question.

[voice]

[glassinine]

...Yes.

[He adjusts his glasses.]

An individual known as Spider-Man is concentrating his efforts on the top levels.

What can I do to assist the police?

[voice]

[connate]

[ spider-man. ]

You're already doing it. Coordinate the people on the ground, look out for anyone who needs assistance.

[voice]

[glassinine]

...All right. Then I will continue to do so. Please speak with me if there is anything at all that comes up.