video | content warnings for the devil being the devil

[dissemble]

[Did you know you had a Civil War Museum, residents of Heropa? If you didn't, be sure to pay attention to what you can see in the background of this man's video. It's a wonderful museum, well organized and very educational.

The man in the video is dressed unassumingly in overalls. He's shutting a door behind him and locking it- obviously he thinks closing time is the best time to greet the rest of the network.
Well, it takes all kinds, doesn't it? His voice is calm and there's almost a neighborly tone to it.]

Hi- I'm, uh. I'm only new here so maybe there's a memo I missed or something, but I was wondering about what exactly we're supposed to be doing here. I'm a fairly simple kind of a guy- I like to call things how I see them. Call a pitchfork a pitchfork, you get the picture.

Now, I'm under the impression that I've been kidnapped and brought to Florida against my will. Not only that- but I've been branded like a piece of cattle. Yet some of you seem to be suggesting I've been done a favor of some kind.

[A pause as he locks the front doors of the museum behind him, checks they're securely shut, and moves away from the building. His tone begins shifts away from good-natured.]

That's a little rude, don't you think? Bringing us all here without any consultation and then asking us to thank them for it? That's fairly arrogant of them, right?

[Wait- was that a scream in the background?]

Now, I don't know you and you don't know me- but I'm sure there's a better way to resolve our differences than having all of us lying down in the dirt and letting them piss all over us.

[As he moves away from the building those of you who were admiring the fine architecture will notice that there are flames coming out of the windows. And yes- those are definitely screams you can hear now.

Lucifer is looking frankly into the camera once more.]

Just my take on things.


[The feed ends.


ooc: this is why you don't give lucifer a job as assistant curator at the local civil war memorial.

heroes- the poor people trapped inside the museum need your help! Lucifer won't be sticking around to deal with the fallout but please go ahead and threadjack to organise/actionspam rescues on this post!]

Comments

[dissemble]

Yeah. I've never really been interested in civil wars.

[nestingdevil]

I'm sure.

[There's a noise on the other side of the line. Like a nail trailing along a chalkboard.] Still, like I said. It's a bit of a waste, hmn?

[dissemble]

There are houses burning down around the world, children dying of starvation and disease, men killing each other for no more reason than they were ordered to by a man with an extra star on his shoulder- and you're going to call one little museum a waste?

[That's a mighty high horse you're on there.]

[nestingdevil]

I can't deny you there, friend. Things never really change, do they?

[Still, it's a little different. It's like taking money and watching it burn. For no reason other than, what?]

Guess you and I see things a little differently. Still - you've practically given it all away. I just don't see the point, hmn? But then again, my avarice runs a little to deep for that.

[dissemble]

Your greed runs shallow if you think humans are worth the effort.

[To Lucifer there is no difference between watching that museum full of people burn or seeing someone squash cockroach eggs. Except the cockroaches are quieter about it.]

[nestingdevil]

Is that what you think?

[It's a quick laugh. Swallow and low.] Maybe for you. Sure, they're a little lacking. But more often than not, they'll surprise you.

[Still, Greed scratches the underside of his throat. Considering he's been signed up for this whole get-acquainted-with-your-fellow-hero-BS, he's pretty sure he'll end up seeing the whole aftermath one way or another.]

[And it's not something he particularly likes.]

Not exactly the best move on your part, anyway. Could have been a little more subtle. [Greed hisses and snaps his jaws shut.]

Good luck with that, pal.

[dissemble]

To what purpose?

[Trying to be subtle would mean caring what anyone thought in the first place.]

[nestingdevil]

That little show of yours - you don't actually think that'll go without something in return, do you?

[His sneer is audible. Wet when he pulls back his lip.]

[dissemble]

I don't doubt people will try. Some of them will die.

[He was cast out of heaven. There is nothing anyone here can do to him to compare to that.]

[nestingdevil]

Oh-? So is that your plan?

[It's a dead-panned answer. Maybe a little mocking.]

Not really good at this, are you.

[dissemble]

I'm a little short on plans at the moment. The one I had going back home isn't really feasible here. [No heaven to overthrow, you see.]