video;

[quantifies]

[The face that appears on the video screen is most definitely not human. It's blue, for one, and has more antennae than humans tend to. On the plus side, the being whose face it is also happens to be more polite than most humans.]

Greetings, denizens of Earth. I recently arrived in this place and time, for...some reason.

[Because of mad scientists, probably. Though his greeters at least appeared sane.]

My name is Croach the Tracker. I am from G'loot Proktaw. [Added a moment later, to his chagrin:] Which you would designate Mars.

I have already spoken with multiple residents of this planet to learn more about this place and time. Although it is unlikely any of you have access to a time portal and I do not detect a spaceship powerful enough to take me home within this region, I would owe a great onus to anyone who could assist me should I be mistaken.

In return, I can offer my tracking skills. I also have a great deal of experience fighting robot outlaws should you have need in this area.

Comments

Video

[quantifies]

I was hatched on my planet and reside there to this day.

[Present circumstances exclude it.]

Yes, I have seen this. Earth technology is very primitive here.

Video

[kanadian]

Huh. Never heard of "native" martians.

[ That's racist. ]

Unfortunately, it kind of is. They tried space flight, and got themselves into trouble, I don't think they're going to try it again anytime soon, I'm afraid. And most of us who've been to space that are here aren't really...spaceflight engineers.

Video

[quantifies]

[Croach doesn't know of any other kind.]

We are the only beings to live on G'loot Proktaw until humans and robots came to make it their home.

What is your experience with space?

Video

[kanadian]

Weird. The only thing we have on Mars is small colonies and research centers.

[ He paused. ]

I'm a marine, I've been in space for my entire military career, and before that, really. Got shipped out to a station when I was a kid. How do you live on Mars? I mean -- I assume you don't breathe oxygen.

Video

[quantifies]

It is the usual thing to breathe since the terraforming. I know of no other way to live there.

Video

[kanadian]

Huh. We never bothered, where I come from, it's more convenient to colonize garden world's than bother too much with Mars.

What year is it, where you come from, if you don't mind me asking?

Video

[quantifies]

I was born during the 31st century, according to the Earth calendar.

Video

[kanadian]

[ His face obviously screws up, like he's thinking. ]

Huh. That's further in the future than most people are from -- even some of us who're from the far future. [ The far future meaning not even 200 more years from now. Whatever. ]

What's Mars like, terraformed?

Video

[quantifies]

According to the records of my tribe, it is not so different, aside from the oxygen. The plains are still red and beautiful. But now our kind and Earth humans may live side by side.

Video

[kanadian]

I take it that's a good thing? [ A pause. ] Most aliens I know aren't quite so favorable to living beside humans. We're kind of rambunctious.

Video

[quantifies]

Humans are imprecise and often fail to understand the ways of my people, but many are brave and stalwart companions. And they make excellent beverages of fermented wheat.

Video

[kanadian]

Yeah? That sounds like us humans, especially on the alcohol part -- but certainly in that they don't understand a lot of the time.

Most of us have our heads too far up our asses to really notice. You...don't seem to be taking it personally, though.

Video

[quantifies]

Is there I reason I should do so?

Video

[kanadian]

Most...aliens I know don't really like humanity's...presumption.

How long have your people know humans?

Re: Video

[quantifies]

For nearly one thousand Earth years, though it is only in more recent decades that we began residing on my planet together.

Video

[kanadian]

Huh, your people must be used to us, then. [ A chuff. ] Where I'm from, most people still think we're upstarts, we really just came on the scene less than fifty years ago.

It's an adjustment, I think. Maybe we should start convincing them with beer, if you guys like it so much.

Video

[quantifies]

It was not always peaceful, but has become more so in recent years.

[He tenses noticeably here, though]

Your alcoholic beverages are the fourth most delicious ones I have tasted, but no one in my tribe should consume them. They render the sacred Nah Notek within us inert, exposing us to mortal danger.

Video

[kanadian]

[ He drew his eyebrows together -- curiously. ]

The, uh, what?

Video

[quantifies]

Upon their eleventh cycle, our younglings undergo a maturation ritual that we call the Hee-Ros K'west. If they successfully pass the tests, they are imbued with Nah Notek, and if they are then harmed, it will restore them to an uninjured state of being. Praise Nah Notek.

Video

[kanadian]

So...it makes them immortal? Invulnerable?

Video

[quantifies]

We are invulnerable in a sense, though we still suffer the pain of injury before being restored. I do not wish to be shot again.

Video

[kanadian]

Nobody wants to be shot. No matter what you do, it still stings. Depending on the shit you go through, getting shot again might be an inevitability. Even here.

Video

[quantifies]

[Well, that's worrisome.]

On what does our being shot depend on in this world?

Video

[kanadian]

That's... a good question.

Hell, it seems like signing up for paintball's enough to get you shot at for real. Or you know, the usual. Sometimes we get kidnapped, there's not really a good marker for when or how or where. It just...happens.

Video

[quantifies]

Bah gropa. This is a dangerous world.