Dear fellow imPorts... dear friends! Recently, while perusing this 'interweb,' I discovered something incredibly exciting and important!
[She simply pastes the link into the post: https://koorana.com.au/tourism/]
Look at this... look at it. I'll give you a few moments to feast your eyes. Have you looked at it? Do you understand what you're seeing? YES! It's a saltwater crocodile farm! Yes! You can visit it! Do tours there! Have adventures there! Have FORMAL DINNERS AND GATHERINGS THERE! It's only a minimum of twenty people to have dinner! Dinner surrounded by five thousand saltwater crocodiles! [way too excited]
Imagine it! Imagine! They do feedings for your amusement! Perhaps they would even agree to a deal where you could do the feeding! Imagine tossing meat into the water for these enormous, dangerous creatures, these primordial creatures! Imagine their eyes on you, think of how much they want to eat you! Imagine your soft, defenseless body only feet away from razor-sharp teeth and crushing jaws! Imagine the water foaming up pink, churned by their tearing the chunks of meat you've just thrown them to pieces and swallowing them whole! Imagine your mind held prostrate in instinctive terror of a creature who'd rather bite off your leg than say hello!
And then imagine going and eating some crocodile yourself! Yes! The humans of this world have mastered these apex predators to the point where they eat the crocodile instead! And go on tours to watch them and feed them for amusement! How remarkable! How resourceful! I'm desperately envious! I would love to tend to a farm of FIVE THOUSAND saltwater crocodiles! I would love to hold one of their babies! I would love to observe the nests! I would love to toss meat to them to eat! And I'd love to eat one!
[She sounds positively giddy at this point... and then subsides, clearing her throat after a few moments. Calmer now:]
The only trouble would be getting to this wonderful place called Australia in the first place, but I imagine in an amazing world like this one, such a thing could easily be done. If only we could do a swear in there...
... anyway!
[CALM AND UPBEAT] I'm realizing that my hand to hand is quite rusty at this point, and brushing up on that could only be helpful in a world where disaster could strike at any moment. Are there any hand to hand experts in the imPort population who'd be willing to give lessons? I'd be happy to swap, as well! I can teach horsemanship, winter survival, wilderness survival in general really, even mathematics if you like. Let me know!
[She simply pastes the link into the post: https://koorana.com.au/tourism/]
Look at this... look at it. I'll give you a few moments to feast your eyes. Have you looked at it? Do you understand what you're seeing? YES! It's a saltwater crocodile farm! Yes! You can visit it! Do tours there! Have adventures there! Have FORMAL DINNERS AND GATHERINGS THERE! It's only a minimum of twenty people to have dinner! Dinner surrounded by five thousand saltwater crocodiles! [way too excited]
Imagine it! Imagine! They do feedings for your amusement! Perhaps they would even agree to a deal where you could do the feeding! Imagine tossing meat into the water for these enormous, dangerous creatures, these primordial creatures! Imagine their eyes on you, think of how much they want to eat you! Imagine your soft, defenseless body only feet away from razor-sharp teeth and crushing jaws! Imagine the water foaming up pink, churned by their tearing the chunks of meat you've just thrown them to pieces and swallowing them whole! Imagine your mind held prostrate in instinctive terror of a creature who'd rather bite off your leg than say hello!
And then imagine going and eating some crocodile yourself! Yes! The humans of this world have mastered these apex predators to the point where they eat the crocodile instead! And go on tours to watch them and feed them for amusement! How remarkable! How resourceful! I'm desperately envious! I would love to tend to a farm of FIVE THOUSAND saltwater crocodiles! I would love to hold one of their babies! I would love to observe the nests! I would love to toss meat to them to eat! And I'd love to eat one!
[She sounds positively giddy at this point... and then subsides, clearing her throat after a few moments. Calmer now:]
The only trouble would be getting to this wonderful place called Australia in the first place, but I imagine in an amazing world like this one, such a thing could easily be done. If only we could do a swear in there...
... anyway!
[CALM AND UPBEAT] I'm realizing that my hand to hand is quite rusty at this point, and brushing up on that could only be helpful in a world where disaster could strike at any moment. Are there any hand to hand experts in the imPort population who'd be willing to give lessons? I'd be happy to swap, as well! I can teach horsemanship, winter survival, wilderness survival in general really, even mathematics if you like. Let me know!