02 | text

[deadtective]

We've got posts up playing icebreakers and asking for people to regale them with the exciting tales of their weekend, so I think it's safe to say that we're past the current crisis? We better be, because I'm sick of slicing my fingers up leafing through the classifieds and don't need anybody jumping on me for being flippant during a tragedy.

[so preemptively defensive, Hazel. maybe you should have had somebody proofread this before sending it out.]

I'm looking for a job. I had this whole thing typed up with my preferences and abilities, but it ended up sounding like I was looking to run bootleg liquor over the border.

Which. I mean, if there's an opening for that I'm totally down for an interview? But that's not exactly the kind of thing you advertise for.

I was a private detective back home, buuut honestly I think I broke more laws than solved actual cases. No convictions, though! Uh. The point is I have a shitty skillset and I am super desperate. If the job's not boring as hell and it can finance dozens of pre-ordered video games I'm interested.

Look, it's this or I start prying radios out of hovercars. The crime rate of Heropa is in your hands!!

Comments

[hypnotherapy]

Perfectly suited to being a detective, then. I'm sure you can find someone in this place who literally has legs that go for miles.

I don't think bootlegging is quite as lucrative as it used to be, even in a world like this, but if you like running you could always look for courier work, I suppose? [ He has no idea what your skills are. ]

[deadtective]

Unless s/he is going to help me set a record for most mountains climbed in under six months, I don't think that's going to much a very useful encounter.

That's not a bad idea, although I'm not sure how well I can compete with that sonic speedster guy running the same kind of thing. Guess I'll have to start catering to obnoxiously shady customers or something.

[hypnotherapy]

Now, now. Even people with legs that go for miles have their problems. What they might be, I wouldn't have a clue, but problems are the universal constant.

I find that without a solid and heroic moral code, opportunities seem much more vibrant than before. [ He's been taking small hacking jobs on the side, apart from his official job. Money is money! And fun. ] Reliability is usually a key requirement, in my experience. You never know what you'll find in a package. And it's better not to ask. [ Though netnavi courier work is, of course, different from human courier work. It's not his preferred speed, but he visits the Undernet so often... ]

[deadtective]

My guess would be finding pants that fit.

Honestly, as long as it doesn't explode on me I really don't care what people want mailed. It can't be any worse than the things I've moved at home.

[hypnotherapy]

You'd assume by the time they walked into anyone's office they'd have that sorted out, but there's no accounting for taste.

There you go, you have a solid idea for a career. I'm sure you'll find plenty of shady people who need equally shady things delivered. May it bring you many funds.

[deadtective]

I've seen enough old noir movies to know that you should never write out the possibility of someone coming into the office pantsless to try and seduce you off a case.

I just need enough to further my addiction for overpriced pre-order bonuses. It's really not that much to ask for in the grand scheme of things.

[hypnotherapy]

As I said: no accounting for taste. I'll take your word for it on the movies.

Oh, is that what you're pre-ordering for? Yes, overpricing seems to be a regrettable problem even here. It's a shame. They have some interesting collectibles that you wouldn't be able to get at home, that's for certain.

I can't say I'd know what to do with a specially sculpted roomba that can double as a figma holder, but everyone has different preferences.

[deadtective]

No, you should definitely find out for yourself. Old movies kick a lot more ass than people give them credit for.

[herself included, until she found herself unable to ever sleep again and watching the classic movie channels at three in the morning.]

I don't think I was interested in the game that one came with, but I've totally got a solution to that problem: figma jousting.

[hypnotherapy]

If I ever find myself bored or sleepless enough, I'll consider that a solid option. I prefer reading to watching, personally.

The noise those roombas would make would be horrendous. So much beeping and booping! I'd just feel sorry for them and have to make them stop.

Now I'm missing my file archive. Perhaps I'll get a preorder or two just to have some solid, impressive-looking concept books in my house, even if they're not the games I know. [ He's never had a lot of time for video games, but he does have a solid liking for them. ]

[deadtective]

But you don't get to see Humphrey Bogart's ruggedly handsome face looming out of the fog when you read. Something to consider.

Hey, it's always good to have some conversation pieces scattered around. And you never know, you might actually end up liking the games that come with them. Or at least get good enough to roast your friends every time you play.