001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah but working at the DA's office and doing this documentary sounds like two jobs and there is no way I'm agreeing to do twice the amount of work I'm being paid for. Maybe a vigilante defense attorney isn't such a bad idea, y'know. Like a Bounty Hunter, but. Without the Bounty part. Or the Hunting. Or the excessive body hair and poor hygiene.

[aggressiveapathy]

Wait so- if you're not even doing law, what are they documenting?

[ferrisbuellean]

My abs?

[aggressiveapathy]

You could be making way more in a slightly different market.

[ferrisbuellean]

I think I'll stick to law, but thanks.

[He should probably put his shirt back on. Yeah. Doing that.]

[aggressiveapathy]

[ But think of the ratings ]

This is one of those teaser trailer things. Isn't it. No real idea what the hell you're actually doing, but dramatic posing occurs.

[ferrisbuellean]

[He'll leave the pornos to Chang, kthx.]

Wow, you really do get me.

I mean, what better way to advertise than give no information at all? Perfume commericals have been doing it for decades.

[aggressiveapathy]

God, it's true. I have to know now.

[ferrisbuellean]

Then tune in for more. Maybe I'll save the world, maybe I'll talk about how much I hate doing this while sulking at a desk. You just won't know until you see.

[aggressiveapathy]

Maybe you'll be a guest surprise witness.

[ferrisbuellean]

Genius. You should be writing for this show.

[aggressiveapathy]

I accept free food and false celebrity as a payment.

[ferrisbuellean]

Deal. I hope you like pizza because that's what you'll be getting.

[aggressiveapathy]

Pizza is power. You should get in politics.

[ferrisbuellean]

I just know how to keep a lady happy.