001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

Hah, I know right? Then again, they're just as easy to drag outta back pockets for the jackasses that leave their phone peeking outta there.

[cuff]

New and improved technology for the same ol shitty scumbags. But hey, if you're stuffing things in one'a those pockets, you don't deserve whatever you lost.

[ferrisbuellean]

I guess we should probably be putting some of the blame onto the assholes stealing them though, right, officer?

[cuff]

[ oh my god officer, really!?!!? ]

Who said I wasn't blaming the guys with the sticky fingers? Being an idiot doesn't mean you deserve to get your shit stolen, just means you're an idiot.

[ferrisbuellean]

Amen. Which is why I, as an honorable lawyer, defend the rights of idiots.

[cuff]

And thus, the shitty circle of life is completed.

[ferrisbuellean]

It's like idiots, cops and lawyers just can't live without each other.

[cuff]

One of those, uh- [ UHHHHH..... ] back and forth relationshipy things.

[ferrisbuellean]

Like mutualism? Sure.

[cuff]

Not what I was going for but sure, why not.

[ferrisbuellean]

Symbiotic? Parasitic? I guess cops can be pretty parasitic.

[cuff]

There it is, the first one. [ Hooray words. ] Parasitic only goes for certain situations.

[ferrisbuellean]

So you accept that you can't cope without amazing lawyers like myself? I'm flattered.

[cuff]

Cope don't even begin to come close to the right word.

[ferrisbuellean]

You depend on us to screw up all your hard work, right? I mean, to be fair, the legal system does that for us.

[cuff]

Heeey, then we're all on the same page.

[ferrisbuellean]

We've got the law to thank for that. Loop holes everywhere. I guess some of the blame can go to the judge and jury too. You and I? We're just doing our jobs.

[cuff]

Yeaah, and then hoping someone else down the line doesn't screw it up.

[ferrisbuellean]

But they will. Because someone always does.