VIDEO

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[There is a 6'1", 200ish lb. man staring you down; the man is dressed in a very...interesting-looking suit. The mask isn't on, but what you see looking back at you is a tired, stern face that, yes, has a handlebar mustache on it. His wrist-magnums are not on.

The man is smoking and standing, glocks akimbo.

Behind him, there are display cases and exhibits, pertaining to various weapons, in a nice, marbled setting. Notably, nothing is on fire.] Alright. After the events of th'past few weeks, people've been scared of goin' into museums. I was told this morning that attendance at the Museum of Weapons, where I work, is at its armpittiest low in ten years.

And you know what else the Head Curator told me? Head Curator here told me I gotta keep perspective. That, at least, we still got the museum. That we oughta keep on doin' what we're doin', beef up security, but otherwise act like nothing happened.

[A beat.] I'm gonna go one step further and issue one warning.

This here museum is under my protection. Anyone even joke 'bout getting lighter fluid from th'nearby convenience store and droppin' by to test it out, you're goin' on th'banned for life list.

You mess with this place, I mess with your face.

Made that rhyme so nobody's got any excuse to forget it. [With that, the transmission cuts.]

Comments

[beenwaitinglong]

Nice rhyme.

[He takes a loooong drink from a cup of coffee.]

I can appreciate a man with a dedication to the arts.

[video]

[attractedtodarkness]

You're just asking for trouble with this broadcast.

[not that she hasn't seen first hand what he can do]

permavid

[glassbox]

Y'take your damn antiques serious, don't you.

voice

[larker]

[This is the worst idea. Ever. It's also the best idea, because seriously, how can Gabriel even resist?]

Are firelighters off the menu too, big boy?

Video;

[godly]

[...well. Hello there again.]

Very memorable. I guess that's what you were going for.

voice

[dissemble]

I don't think I've ever been warned off a weapons museum before.

[Lucifer is in the middle of something very important, okay. Please don't take up a lot of his time.]

[fingerbang]

It's always nice to see such dedication to one's work, Mr. Lawton. I hope their insurance covers the walls.

[enigmaestro]

Perhaps they misunderstood your resume? Not that I don't enjoy the outcome, mind.

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

Well, what can I say? I'm a real Dr. Seuss with givin' threats over public networks. [Dry dry dry.]

Got a few others if you wanna hear 'em.

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[Hey, it's...Whatsherface!] Trouble tends to follow me either ways, girlie. This way, I figure, at least I done somethin' to earn it.

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

Nah. I may like me my ancient scimitars, but I'm more serious 'bout losin' this job on accounta some shitheads torching up the place. [And, well, losing access to the arsenal of working guns that the Museum had to offer.]

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[...big boy?] If you don't got candles on you, I'm takin' 'em and using 'em to light my cigs.

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[Hiii Raito.] Glad to've gotten your note of approval, Mr. You Gotta Believe in Yerself to make a Difference in th' World.

1/2 Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[Oh, well, in that case, Deadhead will definitely make this a quick threat, Mr. Devil, sir.] 's like what them old ladies always say. Somethin' new everyday.

2/2 Switch to Video

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[The man reappears on-screen, this time with his mask on and, oh, what's that over his shoulder?] You come within a 300 meter radius of this place, I got this here bazooka for you.

[Happy birthday, Mr. Devil!]

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[Have a smirk, Lust!] Soundin' bitter there, lady.

If it's any comfort to you, them bullets I put in you that time ago weren't fired out of nothin' personal. [Except, well, technically, his hate.] Just my way of vocalizing distaste for your habits. Long as you don't mess with me and my stuff, we oughta be good as fried gold.

Voice

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

I'm sure they won't mind a loada dead pyros neither. [Because due process? What's that?]

[beenwaitinglong]

Sure, why not?

With the fair advanced warning that I'm a lawyer, so anything that could be construed as a specific threat to a specific person is probably not a great idea.

Voice

[larker]

Well that's just a shame. What have you got against lighter fluid, huh? This is discrimination against flammables.

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[Lawyer. Huh.] So I'm legally allowed to be threatening up guys on a public network, so long as it ain't to one specific person?

[A beat.] There an exception if th' other party's of the potentially devilish persuasion? Legally, I mean.

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

I ain't got nothing particular against flammables.

It's dumbasses that torch up places where people work that I got a beef with. I'm just tryin' to disarm 'em.

[glassbox]

Ain't like y'can't find another job. I ain't so impressed with old guns an' all, personally.

[beenwaitinglong]

There's a fine line between general irritability and outright threats, yes. The moment you slap an address or a name or a group of names to it, well... then it gets sticky.

I'm afraid the law doesn't cover how one should go about threatening the Devil.

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

[A beat.] No. Can't really see myself being able to get a hold of another job. [A clean, legal job, but that isn't something to bring up with a complete stranger.

Floyd Lawton may be a lot of things--a killer, a potentially undiagnosed psychopath, a failure--but he wasn't particularly delusional about what he could and couldn't do. And he knew damn well that he had too limited a skill-set to do much of anything outside of killing stuff and knowing shit on weapons.] I ain't picky with guns. 'long as it fires, I'm happy as a clam with a gun that fires.

[A second beat.] Out of curiosity what kinda guns you like, Ms. Gun-Connoisseur?

[goodbadimthguywiththgun]

Ha. Neat. [...does that mean it's totally allowed?

Oh yeah. This guy right here's totally counting it.] Awfully cool with talkin' 'bout things like making threats to folks. Here I thought legal types like lawyers liked to give self-righteous spiels 'bout not doin' stuff like that. [Well, lawyers that weren't named Harvey Dent.]