maskormenace | 008 ♍ video ♍ sunday morning 3 a.m.

[ the camera clicks on to kanaya sitting behind the bar in the devil's nest, the only light in the room emanating from her skin, illuminating the bar and casting long shadows around her. hard to say whether she's having a late night or a very early morning, as she tends to do both.

there's something a bit off about her manner, a little lazy and limp, slouching a bit much for her generally prim posture. it's probably related to the glass of too red wine in front of her, the half-empty bottle of cabernet sauvignon next to the metal flask she seems to carry everywhere. her tone is quiet and pensive, putting a lot of effort into keeping her words coherent. it's an important topic she's discussing today. ]

So I think we can all recognize at this point that Earth is very fond of its holidays, but of the lot I think it's Mother's Day I find the most...challenging. On my worst days, I'd regard it with hostility, as if the very idea that motherhood is something to be celebrated is in itself obscene. But, that. That isn't right. My problem has always been that I've grown too bitter, it clouds the perspective. And even I have had the good fortune to know many lovely mothers, even if I wasn't able to become one myself.

[ her eyes have been lingering on her drink this whole time, swishing it around in a circle, but now she finally looks at the camera. ]

What I mean to say is that...it isn't unlikely, or even uncommon, for others to have more pleasant associations with motherhood. Happier stories to share, enough to fill an entire day. So, I'd like to hear them, if you're willing. However big or small it may be, I'd just like something to paint the occasion in a more positive light.

[ operation archangel participants: feel free to action at her, if you're staying at the nest! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

That's never been an excuse, don't tell me that! I was raised nearly from hatching for that one single moment, I didn't have the luxury of being a child then.

And you were still a child. What business has a child rearing the future of a species?

When all you have is children, it's children who do the work. Don't be so close-minded, Rose, you can't judge an Alternian child by the same standards you might a human one. We're raised to be responsible, competent. We were the only ones populating our world, and what wasn't automated was all done by us. I had every business to rear the future of my species.

And it's remarkably rude of you to tell me that the way I was raised, and the task I was raised for, was wrong.

[She opens her mouth to argue, but all she ends up doing is sort of gaping. Did she say that? She's fairly sure that is not what she meant; her track record of cultural sensitivity is not great, though. Especially since she's been away from home.

She closes her mouth. ]

That's not what I --

[give her a second, to remove her foot and then to climb out of this whole she's start digging herself into. ]

[ kanaya, however, isn't inclined to give her that second. she's heard the same thing so many times that she has no patience left for it. kanaya's the one who hurt her, rose shouldn't be the one groveling, and she won't stand for it. ]

Oh, you didn't mean it? For four months, you haven't said a word to me except that I have no right to my guilt. Who does that serve, Rose? Am I meant to feel unburdened because you refuse to hold me at all responsible? Does it satisfy you to see me as ab entirely passive agent in the unmaking of us both? Some frail and helpless thing that you failed to protect?

I'm a monster, Rose. I was a monster before Lachesis brought you in and I'll continue to be a monster if she should ever take you away. I did that to myself, I cultivated and nourished that part of myself. I can't consider myself innocent that someone used what was there already against anyone, but especially not you. You've always been reluctant to acknowledge that about me, too quick to forgive its manifestations.

And now, you want to forgive me for this, for failing my mother and my species, when it isn't your place to forgive! Do you think I don't recognize that others have a greater fault than I do, and don't give Eridan or Osborn a greater share of that blame? Of course I don't! I simply accept my complicity. But Eridan was a child too, younger in fact than I was, would that erase his fault in destroying our future, in annihilating our hope? Are you going to forgive him too?

You forgive everything, as if by reflex, even when you shouldn't! They come too cheaply, without any cost at all, and because of that they can't absolve anything. They're just empty words, stripped of any meaning beyond your intolerance for anyone else's guilt but your own!

You're stronger than this, Rose. And you'll never inspire me to relent when you're so quick to do so first.

[She's hurt and it's obvious. There is no fake expression to mask it today. She is hurt and she's so taken aback she can't hide it. Maybe this is what Kanaya wants; to hurt Rose over and over until she gives in and gets angry. If so, it's a failure.

She's -- she's not sure what she is. There's a strange tightening in her chest, a spike of something that has her eyes welling up and her breath catching and then coming short. It's after the silence drags on that she realizes she's having a panic attack. She breathes out a startled sound and fumbles, her hand cover the screen. She counts to ten; one, two, three and tries to breathe evenly. She can't; her hand clenches over his phone and she hisses, audible: ]

I - I think I'm done.

[With what she's not sure. She can't stay on the line, though. Her voice wavers in a way she hates. ]

I'm -- I can't.

[And she hangs up. ]

008 ♍ video ♍ sunday morning 3 a.m.

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