maskormenace | 001

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001 | Video

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

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Come again now? This shit's been going on for years, across different universes? [And the Carrier never picked this up? What kind of tech are they talking about here?]

Let's get something clear now: I'm not doing a fucking thing for the United States government. Because what you just said? I'm sure that's the tip of the iceberg of what they expect you to do.

[The who what now? While he might not know what it is, he does know when he's getting trolled.] Send your boyfriend your own dick pics, kid.

Woah, woah, hold the smartphone!

[ There is so much to respond to in that. Robbie is just going to take it in order of importance. ]

First of all, if I was sending anybody dick pics - which I most certainly, 100% am not - I could do so much better than Tony "Pornstache" Stark.

[ Is there a way to point out straightness without doing that creepy awkward laugh? No? Better just ignore the word boyfriend and not argue it. It's also a waste of time arguing that he's an adult. ]

Second of all, yeah. It's been over a year here and something like five years in the previous universe. On a scale of weird and major cosmic shit, I'll put this around the first time Galactus showed up all "Hey guys, I'm here to devour the planet!"

[ He snaps into seriousness so abruptly, the smile is gone like a bug hitting a windshield. ]

And yeah. I know. I knew exactly where I fit in and how expendable I was the day I found out the tattoo is their cute little way of injecting us with nanites, which are why you should think long and hard about exactly how much nothing you want to do for them.

Hey! This is a carefully crafted piece of facial hair, don't call it that.

Yeah, okay, Boston Blackie. You keep telling yourself that you're more Selleck than Jeremy.

You are not helping my argument.

What's wrong with the Tom Selleck look?

And it's not that thick anyway!

If you have to ask that question, I can't save you. I hear Men's Warehouse is having a sale on white sports coats and pastel shirts. You'll have to bring your own alligator shoes, but what's a little animal pelts between friends?

For the record, I called you Boston Blackie first. Check your refs; then argue. I'll wait.

[ ... all of this from the kid who probably couldn't grow a mustache if he tried. ]

I'm supposed to take offense with that reference?

Buddy, you're going to have to do better than that. He looked good in it. Not as good as me, but...

Jesus wept... Are you two morons quite done yet?

Flirt with each other on your own time.

Edited 2015-06-07 20:35 (UTC)

Will you stop saying that?!

I would rather skewer myself on a bed of nails than have anything more to do with him than the mutual condescending disrespect and patronizing banter that we currently enjoy. He's a dick.

He's too old for you.

No crap! He's also too male, too cranky, too asshole, and too willing to take advantage of people!

Look, if you can't keep your man in line that's not my problem.

(no subject)

walkingballpit - 2015-06-08 02:53 (UTC) - Expand

Ew.

[ That's it. That's all he gets. ]

[Success!]

I was pointing out that I know you can't manage one that thick. That's all I'm saying, before the missing member of KISS over there starts carving our names on a tree.

[He is calling it that all the time now.]

[ GET OUT BILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ]

[ High five ]

[Just. So much this face for the first part. He totally doesn't believe you. You are trying way too hard to deny it. ~~Also, you're what, 18? 19? That's barely legal, shut up, you're still a kid.~~]

If only this Galactus guy had succeeded, I'd have been spared having to have this increasingly pointless conversation with you right now.

[Ah, might have spoken too soon. Kid finally seems to have gotten back to the point. Maybe this kid isn't as dumb as he looks.]

Kid, I was created by the biggest bastard in the universe, and I ripped his fucking head off after he tried to use me. [Tried to, succeeded in, same difference.] These people don't scare me, no matter how nasty their fucking nanites might be.

[ Ugh, ugh, he knows that face, knows he's being dismissed, knows that if he says anything more he's in Lady MacBeth territory. Wow, the hatred is rising. ~~Also, 19 is totally legal. He can drive, vote, and drink in Canada.~~ ]

If only this Galactus guy had succeeded, billions of people would be dead, but, whatever, right? You'd be happy, so who the hell cares? Did someone pee in your Churlios or something?

[ Just - aghast at how casually he's discussing ripping someone's head off. Regardless of the emotion in it, talking about ripping someone's head off at all is casual. ]

Yeah, well, from what I know about nanites, you might not even get that chance. If they work like the ones back home, you'll be frying on the pavement for stepping out of line until they scrape you up and drag you back to the cell until the next time they need you. Wear all the black leather you want; I'll believe you're more hardcore than Venom when you prove it. And I'm not being paranoid. You can ask anybody from my universe how this registration crap goes once the hand cart starts rolling down that old slippery slope.

[Hey, he's only being dismissed because he's rambling about shit Midnighter doesn't care about. There's two teenagers at home who can literally do anything so tuning it out's his best--and safest--option. ~~Yeah, but it's also Canada.~~]

Jesus wept, you're literal.

[Kid you're severely underestimating how many times he's ripping someone's head off. Ugh, you're from one of those "no killing, just rehabilitating" universes, aren't you?]

One of my teammate's has 9 pints of nanites instead of blood in her system, I'm familiar with the concept. And I appreciate the concern, but this isn't my first tussle with a major world power who thought they could control me.

Okay, I'll bite. What exactly happened in your universe? [And why are you comparing him to venom?]

[ Yes, he is. If he wasn't, he'd probably be dead. Then again, he came damn close to it anyway.

There's a horrified look while Midnighter describes a teammate whose blood has been entirely replaced with nanites. Robbie doesn't know how that would work, but he won't ask. It's probably painful. ]

My world had a powers-related disaster, just like this one did years ago. It... was a huge mistake on the part of the team that was involved, but... no excuse for what happened. The government overreacted by making anyone who wanted to be involved in vigilante-style work register with the system. Same as here, where they let you register regardless of past crimes. They created teams to go after the ones who weren't registers - and now here, they're 'asking' us to help them with any unregistered vigilantes.

The team that I was on... the members weren't all exactly... willing. Some of them were controlled by nanites, and here we are with nanites. I don't like it.

And I really don't like that you keep throwing me in with the guy who ran the whole thing. Just freaking quit it; it's not funny.

Ugh, just like the government: if they can't control it, they try to shut it down by force.

But what about the other SPBs? They just let this happen? [He's trying to imagine what would happen if any of his world's governments ever tried to pull this shit. Despite their differences in opinions, he can't exactly see the Wildcats or Stormwatch (even that Team Achilles version) sitting back and doing nothing.

Midnighter had known it was making the kid uncomfortable, but he didn't know why. Ugh, it was like if someone tried to make jokes about him and Bendix.] ...All right. I'll knock it off. [There might even be an unspoken "I'm sorry" in there.]

Hey, it worked for keeping women and minorities and the lower class down for centuries. Why mess with a winning strategy? And another thing - there always has to be a them. If the Russians aren't enough, this new plan of theirs gives them a brand new them. Unregistered imPorts operating outside the confines of the law. Some people already dislike us. Now they've got a reason.

[ Robbie drums his fingers on the table, trying to figure out what an SPB is. He's not used to the acronym. Then, the tattoo stops. The light bulb went off. ]

Super-powered beings? [ Obvious, now that he's said it. ] Some did; some were for it. When 612 people die, it changes the way you look at things. The people for it - they wanted everyone to be held accountable, to make them more cautious, and they wanted proof that everyone had been properly trained before they started putting themselves in bad situations. On paper, it makes sense. Until you realize that registering meant "giving your name, face, contact information, and powers to the government. I don't know about your world, but, in mine? A lot of people consider their real ID almost sacred. That's why we call ourselves things like Speedball, but everybody knows I'm Robbie Baldwin now.

[ A silent pause. He hears the apology - or knows enough to know guys who keep pushing like that don't come any closer to one. ]

Thanks.

[Well, if he was dismissive before, he's certainly not now. This kid, despite giving the initial impression he was a total idiot, actually knows what he's talking about. It actually brings a slight smile to the Midnighter's face; it's that rare to find someone who gets it. The smile quickly fades, however, as he hears his story.]

Got it in one. So basically your government tried taking advantage of a tragedy to draft their own posthuman army, and mass Catholic guilt over said tragedy blinded some of the other SPBs from seeing it for what it really was. They still blind?

Most of us back home have got code names, but I can't say "secret identities" have really been a thing since World War II. There might be a few people left, but I can't say there's anyone that springs to mind. For most of us, what you see is what you get.

[Gives a slight nod of the head in reply to the "thanks."]

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