001 | Video

[grouchinleather]

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

Comments

VOICE.

[selfimage]

"They." You assumed a "they"? Try more of a "she."

VOICE.

[grouchinleather]

Keep talking.

video;

[oceanthief]

They won't let anyone near the Porter, apparently.

[there's a soft slant to her eyebrows that makes it clear what Lapis thinks of that. way to be even more blatantly suspicious, government.]

It wouldn't surprise me if humans hadn't built it, honestly. Everything else I've seen here makes it look way too advanced for them.

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[grouchinleather]

Let's just say that won't exactly stop me from finding out. I'm just asking out of courtesy.

[That, and the hope someone will bring him up to speed. He doesn't want to waste time retreading ground covered by others here.]

If this thing was originally from here I'll eat my hat.

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[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Sooooooooooo, who won most often?

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[grouchinleather]

[That is a child. This place also takes children.

He really didn't need more of a reason to hate this place, but now he does.]

Nightshade, but we're pretty sure she cheats.

[Congratulations, you get a straight answer to that question!]

video;

[aviate]

[Hal wonders if one of those alternate versions was Batman. That grumpy personality and aesthetic is far too familiar.]

Well yeah, it's not a free lunch. They want us to sign up.

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[grouchinleather]

The sell I got made it seem like I'd be an idiot to not sign up.

The only idiot is the person that buys into that steaming pile of horse shit.

Some time after midnight; from bat symbol

[chiroptophobic]

Nice suit.

[grouchinleather]

[Seriously?]

Oh, golly, thanks kindergarten arts and crafts sign! I may have actually asked a serious question but what I REALLY wanted was for people to compliment my outfit.

You really get me.

[The sarcasm is oozing out his response.]

video; ID reads Clark Kent

[andaway]

[Is ??????? an emotion because Clark is feeling it. It's not just the suit, or the mannerisms. Even if Hal hadn’t pointed it out they look so similar it’s so obvious it’s as if it were done on purpose.

But there’s… something else tugging at the back of his mind. Like he’s forgetting something- something important. And considering he has eidetic memory that’s not a feeling he’s used to. So he does what he always does when something makes him uncomfortable: he ignores it.]

They don’t have the technology. Technically they don’t, anyway. They used to be able to control the porter but they haven’t been able to since it got infected by Lachesis.

Have you been told about her?

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[grouchinleather]

[Who is this guy and why does the sight of him make him want to punch him in the face? It's a stronger feeling than usual.]

Do I sound like I've heard about her?

[walkingballpit]

[ Have a begoggled, half-frustrated blond, who is struggling to not be amused at the old dude. Anyone that can't manage the comm is an old dude. ]

I don't know if it's their tech. Some of the imPorts have been in another wrong corner of the multiverse before here.

[ Which is incredibly annoying, because, after five years there, here should have never happened. Life sucks. Might as well find out all the bad news upon arrival. ]

And nobody said it was a free lunch. They expect us to be their nukes and their front lines if a war happens. In the meantime, they want us to police each other. So you'll be singing for your supper.

By the way, pro tip: this is the Network, not a hook-up site. Deliver all packages to Tinder, Grindr, and Tony Stark. Thanks bro.

[grouchinleather]

Come again now? This shit's been going on for years, across different universes? [And the Carrier never picked this up? What kind of tech are they talking about here?]

Let's get something clear now: I'm not doing a fucking thing for the United States government. Because what you just said? I'm sure that's the tip of the iceberg of what they expect you to do.

[The who what now? While he might not know what it is, he does know when he's getting trolled.] Send your boyfriend your own dick pics, kid.

voice.

[increscents]

I think I'm still two steps back there. [ Wrapping her head around the alternate earths and other dimensions and all that good nature. She only just realizes the truth of his statement. ]

I hadn't got to how these guys were able to do this, yet. It's a pretty good question, though.

voice.

[grouchinleather]

What, you asking me to fill you in with the basics? Hasn't everyone else done that for you yet?

It's why I asked. I figured it people had been around as long as I've head, someone else had to have thought of it before. This place can't be completely filled with morons.

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[viced]

No -- No I don't think anyone buys that, but I think they got the tech by accident.

It's the only answer I can come up with. Why else would they keep bringing people like you?

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[grouchinleather]

Or they stole it from some other dimension.

[He finally catches that last part.]

What's that supposed to mean?

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[restingstitchface]

[There's a calm, composed air about Crane, and he speaks in that cold, clinical tone that makes someone want to punch him in the face.]

Well. Maybe you should seek answers, rather than wait for them to fall into your lap. Addressing this network is akin to shaking rotten apples loose from the tree, methinks. The best fruit is at the government, wouldn't you say?

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[grouchinleather]

[Well, Midnighter surely wants to punch him in the face, so mission accomplished?]

Maybe you should stop making assumptions.

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[schrader]

[ "An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions." Why is no one else laughing at that? Because Hank is. It's so true but then here they are. ]

None of it's free, that's for damn sure. But you gotta pay the piper in the end whether you Register or not, so might as well make out with what little benefits you can, even if you don't buy any of it. All you can buy is the cold war never left, and time travel's real but useless to us. [ What is the good of knowing his bro from the future? Seriously? ] Like Quantum Leap, except without the leaping back. Just said fuck it and blended it all together.

..."Bleed between realities" sounds even messier, though, so I'm sure you're just dandy.

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[grouchinleather]

I'd rather sleep in a box and not feel like a cheap whore.

Despite the name, the Bleed's what keeps everything from crashing into each other.

[inmyothertights]

Well, to be fair, I don't think the technology is originally theirs.

[P.S. your daughter hates this kid.]

[grouchinleather]

I figured as much, and that makes it worse.

[Eh, she hates almost everyone. She gets it from her dad.]

voice;

[slightlyoffchilt]

[He'll hit this Network address on Friday, after the chaos of War had died down, and just before Famine hit full throttle.

He needed a bit to recover, after all -- being Pestilence wasn't a Pacific cruise.]

It's a bit authoritarian, isn't it? [Beat.] The black trench coat.

voice;

[grouchinleather]

[...What an interesting word choice.]

If you're trying to hint at something, buddy, I'm not Alan Ludden. Spit it out.

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[rathercommon]

[ This is a hideously, disgustingly cheerful young lady. She says, chipper: ]

Actually, we offer a free lunch to new imPorts at the cafe where I work.

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[grouchinleather]

How good for you.

You expecting me to throw a parade?

[voice]

[makethman]

One could argue that an Earth still in the Cold War should have blown itself up years ago, but here we are.

Either way, I believe someone's already said it, but the Porter doesn't seem to be under their control.

[voice]

[grouchinleather]

Yeah, somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. Because that just means now it's going to blow up with us still on it.

This Lachesis woman, right? What exactly do you know about her?

voice;

[notdaredevil]

I'm curious. What kind answer would convince you that this wasn't a major waste of your time?

[ He's not really sure there are adequate answers to be had about anything here, but it seems like a relevant question to ask a man who plays poker with his alternate selves. (Reed would do that, Matt thinks, but he doesn't sound like a Reed.) ]

voice;

[grouchinleather]

Actually answering my questions, for one. Not telling me how "amazing" this place is, for another.

Look, I'm not expecting much. I'm just looking to be brought up to speed on what people know.

voice.

[glowsferatu]

[ how hard is it to point the camera at your face? kanaya just shakes her head, but once it finally focuses, it's a face she's seen before, though not anyone she really knew. whether she can tell him that just yet or not, she's still determining.

there are more important things to say at the moment, important distinctions others haven't made. ]

You've got it wrong, actually. They don't have the technology.

The technology has them.

voice.

[grouchinleather]

[Hey, he thought he had to point the other camera at his face.]

And what exactly do you mean by that?