001 | Video

[grouchinleather]

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

Comments

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Dinosaurs came out of the outhouse at our camp and started attacking everyone! So I bite one of them and made a bridle out of craft string and rode it.

[grouchinleather]

[Ask a stupid question...]

So you're a baseball and a dinosaur tamer?

[Also, what the hell kind of camp is near dinosaurs?]

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Yep! [Like it's the most normal thing in the world.]

And the dino thing happened before camp got super weird.

[grouchinleather]

[Oh god why is he about to ask this--]

Define super weird.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

I stole god powers from Artemis and Apollo by my friend throwing me into magic lightening. And I used the god powers to give everyone kittens and make a raccoon a funny hat.

Oh, and I wished the powers away, and then Zeus showed up.

[...you asked...]

[grouchinleather]

[Ask a stupid question...

Still, he can't help but crack a smile when he hears "Apollo", even if it's not his.]

And what did Zeus do when he showed up?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

He grounded Artemis and Apollo for being awful.

[grouchinleather]

Dad's get to do that sort of thing.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Are you a dad? You seem like a dad.

[grouchinleather]

I am. My daughter's a little older than you. [Technically. It's complicated.]

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Yeah? What's her name? What's she like?

[grouchinleather]

Her name's Jenny. You remind me of her a little. She's inquisitive like you are, and always tries to do the right thing.

[But you don't smoke and curse nearly as much as she does.]

She's 15 and already way smarter than her old man. Both of us, I'd say.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Well teenagers know everything, right? That's what my parents says about my older siblings.

[grouchinleather]

Close, they probably say they think they know everything.

But in Jenny's case, she might not know everything but she knows a hell of a lot. She's special like that.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

She sounds pretty special! I wish I could meet her.

[grouchinleather]

Maybe one day.

But you know, you seem pretty special too. I mean she can't turn into a baseball.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Yeah, I'm pretty special. [Totally unashamed grin.] And I definitely have the coolest powers.

[grouchinleather]

[That actually makes him smile.]

Damn right, kiddo.