001 | Video

[grouchinleather]

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

Comments

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Siiiince... [She has to think about this, she doesn't consider it often.] Three and a bit months!

[grouchinleather]

And the people that brought you here, have they made you do anything? I mean like do work for them?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Nope.

Unless you count the job they offered me when I got here. Which was awesome so I took it. I'm a assistant little league coach!

[grouchinleather]

[Bites back any sort of remark he would have made if she wasn't a child.]

That does sound awesome. You play softball yourself?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Better than that! I am a softball. [She grins proudly.]

[grouchinleather]

And here I thought you were a kid.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

That too, but I really am a softball! That's the power I got when I got here. I can turn into a softball.

[grouchinleather]

[Well that's quite possibly the most useless power he's ever heard.

Still, it seems to make her happy enough...]

Do you keep the little streak in your hair when you become a softball?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Kinda. My stitching is blue.

[grouchinleather]

Ever hit someone in the head as a softball?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Not yet! But I bet it makes an awesome sound.

[grouchinleather]

[His smile widens.]

Oh, it does. It echoes a bit, too.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

[Le gasp!]

So you've hit someone in the head with a softball?

[grouchinleather]

I've hit people with all sorts of things.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

For good reasons though, right?

[grouchinleather]

That's right.

Don't worry... Ripley, right? I only hit people that deserve it. Bad people.

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Good! I was worried you were a super villain, you kinda got the villain look.

[grouchinleather]

[Yeesh, everyone's a critic.

Midnighter pulls off his cowl and runs a hand through his brown hair in an attempt to rid himself of helmet hair. His eyes are still pretty intense, but otherwise he's just a regular-looking middle-aged guy.]

This better?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Definitely! [She smiles a little wider.]

Now you actually look like a person and not a...

A...

I can't think of a scary animal to compare you to. A panther? That just makes me think about the Pink Panther...

[grouchinleather]

I like panther. [At least he did until that last part.]

Jaguar?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

They're the same thing though! Well... At least in America.

[grouchinleather]

That's right, they are. [And judging by his tone, he's impressed Ripley knows that. He doesn't exactly have the highest opinion of the American public school system.]

But there's no such thing as the Pink Jaguar, now is there?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

There could be! If you spray painted a jaguar pink! It'd probably be hard to get one to sit still for long enough though...

[grouchinleather]

It would also probably try to eat your face. [To say nothing of the rest of you.]

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

No way! I'm super good with animals. I rode a dinosaur once y'know!