001 | Video

[grouchinleather]

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

Comments

[andaway]

[He can punch stuff other than faces! Don't faces get boring after a while?]

Depends on what you consider fun?

[grouchinleather]

[Trust me, you don't want him punching the other stuff.]

Fine, we'll play this game. What do you consider fun?

[andaway]

['Having my questions answered instead of throwing them back at me', he thinks but bites his tongue on time. What is it about this man that pushes all his buttons when he isn't actually being all that rude?]

Reading a book, cooking, taking a walk. Nothing really interesting, I'm afraid.

[grouchinleather]

[Jesus wept this guy is a walking cliche.]

Then I don't think you can help me. We've got two completely different ideas of fun.

[andaway]

[And proud of it.]

I figured we would. I mean, no offense, just judging by the costume. Is that a normal kind of thing where you're from? [Fishing for information? Fishing for information. This can't be a Bat-coincidence, he's sure.]

[grouchinleather]

You mean does everyone dress like me? No.

[Oh he knows what Clark's getting at. He's just an asshole.]

[andaway]

Well, there's plenty of superheroes where I'm from. And they wear an uniform like the one you're wearing- so I was wondering if you come from a world like that.

[grouchinleather]

You come from a universe where superheroes dress just like me?

[Still being an asshole.]

[andaway]

[Yeah, no, Clark's not dumb. Either someone's already told him what's going on or he just doesn't feel like talking and in both cases Clark's best bet is to just cut to the chase:]

One in particular, yes. Except he looks a little bit more like a bat.

[grouchinleather]

...You're kidding, right?

[Someone seriously dresses up like a bat?]

[andaway]

Do I look like someone who'd kid around to make this conversation last any longer than necessary?

[His usual tolerance for rude people is below 0, unless they have information he wants.]

[grouchinleather]

Honestly I was trying to figure out how masochistic you were.

Are you comparing me to this Bat-Man?

[andaway]

Kind of. [He'd say he's a little higher on the 'asshole' but even Clark has to admit that no, not really. Pretty spot on.]

Does 'Gotham' mean anything to you?