001 | Video

[grouchinleather]

[The camera clicks to show a close-up of a nice shot of leather crotch, which quickly whips upwards to show a white crescent insignia on top of a gray upside down triangle. Look, he hasn't exactly needed to frame himself for a glorified skype conversation before, all right? The Authority would usually just headmail each other.

After a moment more of fidgeting, showing off some various shots of the strangers black trench coat, the camera finally makes its way up to his cowled face--a very, very unhappy cowled face.]

Look, you can all just skip the multiverse pep talk. Until yesterday I lived in the goddamn Bleed between realities, and me and four alternate versions of myself play poker every other Thursday. I'm familiar with the concept.

What I want is how exactly they brought us here. An Earth alternate too stupid to get itself out of the cold war shouldn't have the technology to snatch people from other dimensions.

[Especially without the Authority knowing about it. But he decides to keep that little piece of information to himself, because it's none of their fucking business.]

I tried asking the woman that brought me here, but she was too busy trying to explain to me what a gee golly great place America was. Give me answers and maybe I won't find trying this thing a major waste of my time.

[Goes to hang up, but stops at the last second, and adds:] Speaking of, don't tell me any of you actually bought that bullshit. There's no such thing as a free lunch, kids.

[And with that, he turns the feed off.]

Comments

[liverletdie]

What's wrong with the Tom Selleck look?

And it's not that thick anyway!

[walkingballpit]

If you have to ask that question, I can't save you. I hear Men's Warehouse is having a sale on white sports coats and pastel shirts. You'll have to bring your own alligator shoes, but what's a little animal pelts between friends?

For the record, I called you Boston Blackie first. Check your refs; then argue. I'll wait.

[ ... all of this from the kid who probably couldn't grow a mustache if he tried. ]

[liverletdie]

I'm supposed to take offense with that reference?

Buddy, you're going to have to do better than that. He looked good in it. Not as good as me, but...

[grouchinleather]

Jesus wept... Are you two morons quite done yet?

Flirt with each other on your own time.

[walkingballpit]

Will you stop saying that?!

I would rather skewer myself on a bed of nails than have anything more to do with him than the mutual condescending disrespect and patronizing banter that we currently enjoy. He's a dick.

[grouchinleather]

He's too old for you.

[walkingballpit]

No crap! He's also too male, too cranky, too asshole, and too willing to take advantage of people!

[grouchinleather]

Look, if you can't keep your man in line that's not my problem.

[walkingballpit]

Bite me.

[liverletdie]

Ew.

[ That's it. That's all he gets. ]

[grouchinleather]

[Success!]

[walkingballpit]

I was pointing out that I know you can't manage one that thick. That's all I'm saying, before the missing member of KISS over there starts carving our names on a tree.