maskormenace | 04

[alright, maybe this isn't entirely a text post. it starts out with a video, which is surprising considering who it's coming from - but there's no need to be excited, as the camera is filming nothing but sky. when an unseen person suddenly slaps a piece of paper down on top of the lens, even the hand is obscured by what's being shown. Hazel knows what she's on about.

the paper in question is a freshly minted detective's license bearing the name of one Hazel Lockwood. it sits there for several moments, like she wants everyone to drink it in, before Hazel cuts the feed and switches over to text.]

Well everyone, here it is: proof that they will let you do literally anything regardless of how well qualified you are so long as you're an imPort.

Which is to say, I'm now licensed as a detective in two worlds. If I get arrested after today, it'll be for something amazingly dramatic in the line of duty instead of bureaucratic bullshit. I think that's a fair trade.

If anyone needs any investigative work done, I'm ready to take on what I'm sure will be the total deluge of offers. I have no business cards and no way to verify any of my skills, but what I do have are flexible morals and a full twenty-four hours available to me thanks to insomnia. I only take cash.

Any complaints can be shunted off to Kaneki for enabling me to pass that goddamn test in the first place. Speaking of, Kaneki!!! I do actually have a thank you gift!! But you need to fill out a survey first.

Also obligatory hello to the new people, if only because you're clogging up the network again. I'm not someone anyone wants to know, but it feels a little silly to ignore you guys. So, hey! :D

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

thats not what he tells me. guess youve got four friends now! i think the phrase is "i suggest you come to terms with it".

He's a robot, he doesn't count. Especially not when his prime directive is lies.

whoaaaa, one of my best friends was a cyborg back home, watch what youre saying, technophobe.

It's not nice to make shit up just to win an argument. No one respects you for it.

im not! he was a cyborg, his name was vic. he was a really cool guy actually, kind of a shame we drifted apart. he could put away like six pizzas at a time if he wanted to.

Prove it.

how? hes not exactly here. itd be like if i asked you to prove half the supernatural stuff you ran into was real.

I could probably actually prove that if we found someone who did summoning magic, actually.

[and, you know, she's a fucking zombie. but hahaha who needs to know that?]

Your move, liar.

yeah, strong words, buddy. anyway theres nobody here from my universe so i cant really prove it with hard evidence but it definitely happened. i dont know if hed appreciate me airing his dirty laundry but hes also not here so whatever. far as i ever found out it happened because he was in an even worse car accident than yours and his parents had to get him fitted with cybernetic prosthetics so he could keep living a normal life.

That doesn't sound like much of a normal life to me, honestly. Your storyline needs work.

i mean he used his cyborg body to fight crime and make technology the likes of which has never really been seen before so i guess youre right in the sense that he was way more than whatever normal is. but if it sounds like something out of a bad comic book or something, dont blame me. real life is stranger than fiction.

Real life is shittier than fiction, and that's how I know you're bullshitting me. No way things would work out that well.

i mean in a world increasingly dominated by technology he traded the vulnerabilities of a physical body for the far more easily accessible ones of an electronic body and he did still get half his body mangled beyond repair but yeah i GUESS i see your point. (???)

Benefits still outweigh the drawbacks. Trust me, I'm also licensed in evaluating that kind of thing.

[you know, because she's living it.]

maybe. im not him, i dont know his life. he didnt really like sharing it with a lot of people. do they just not have prosthetics where youre from? i dont get why youre so against this whole robotics thing.

I'm not against it, I just think you're wildly exaggerating just so you can say that the idiot up there's my friend.

dude, this is something totally different from that. if i wanted to insist that the guy up there is your friend id be being a lot more sarcastic about it. i actually did have a friend who was a cyborg back home. thats kind of all im getting at.

That has almost nothing to do with what we're talking about, though.

yeah, we kind of lost whatever we were talking about. probably about how great i am or something.

(no subject)

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I should really give up at this point with my semantics and sticking that way etc. but I don't even have a prime directive.

Free will is a big deal for us artificial lifeforms, you know.

Look, you see? Lying again! It just never stops!!

wwwwwwwww you're certainly being polite today.

I don't make assumptions about you walking flesh sacks, so you shouldn't make assumptions about what artificial life is like. Though I suppose I'm playing into the stereotype.

See, I'll add in a few text effects for good measure. Beep beep boop boop beep. Beep.

[ Now he's just being a shit on purpose. ]

Edited 2015-07-13 06:33 (UTC)

Oh, no, these are almost all assumptions about you in particular. You're not even screaming at me in binary, christ.

I can't believe we've played video games together for this long and you still address me as a robot. ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ All these terrible assumptions, too. I'm so hurt by this inaccuracy!

What's the point of screaming in a way that people I'm talking to wouldn't understand easily? That's just inefficient.

Edited 2015-07-13 06:41 (UTC)

I'm just trying to make you sound a little cooler than yu actually are. You need all the help you can get.

That's the whole point, though. It's why people yell in foreign languages all the time.