Audio --> Video

[buildsfriends]

I AM ON THE RADIO

Deet deet deet, boop boop beep boop. But-tons but-tons...

[The video comes on but it's just a shot of the top half of his helmet and the sky above because he's holding his comm like a walkie-talkie.

He puts on a 'authoritative' voice.] Hello. Yes. This is Captain General Fourth Class Caboose. I need you to deliver to me at least fourteen new friends, stat. ASAP, and...BYOB. NASDAQ. Over and out and in, amen.








[...the video continues with just a shot of his armored foot on a grubby sidewalk and his voice further off.]

OH MY GOD FRECKLES LOOK! An outside party!

[A grating mechanical voice answers:] Hostiles detected.

Comments

audio;

[bestever]

Uh, 'kay.

The army in question was desperate. Like, really. Really desperate.

That short enough for you?

audio;

[darwinatrix]

Short, yes. Explicable, no.

What the hell kind of army recruits a moron like him. I'd sooner go into battle down a man than with someone like that.

audio;

[bestever]

Aaaaw, Caboose isn't all that bad. You just have to take away his ammunition.

audio;

[buildsfriends]

And my snacking privileges. [caboodle knows how this works]

audio;

[bestever]

[wearily, but not cruelly:] No, Caboose. Taking away your ammunition is preventative. Taking away your snacks is what happens when one of the rookies gives you some anyway and we have to remind you where to point the gun.

Away.

audio;

[buildsfriends]

Ch- Wha- Tucker took my snacks once because he said I wasn't allowed! [THAT JERK!!!!! HE SAID IT WAS PUNISHMENT FOR BEING ANNOYING]

audio;

[bestever]

[aaand a sigh. of course tucker is still making his life more difficult.] Caboose? Can you remember what you did right before Tucker took your snacks? Did something happen that meant he had to?

audio;

[buildsfriends]

audio;

[buildsfriends]

Probably...? [definitely]

audio;

[bestever]

Yeah, I thought so.

Caboose, did we learn not to do the thing that gets snacking privileges taken away?

audio;

[buildsfriends]

Yes we did. Some of us. [not caboose he is not included in that number

yeah tucker's days looking after caboose in the rebel army were
eventful]

audio;

[bestever]

[yyyyyyeah, no. it's been long enough that he knows how caboose works. the dad voice is out in full force, gentle but definitely chiding.] Caboose. Were any of those people you?

audio;

[buildsfriends]

[oh no not dad voice

this isn't like the usual church voice this is more like the wash voice
there's no screeching he is powerless against this voice]

Prrrobably not.

But-! But it's not my fault. Tucker kept acting like he knew everything and was bossing around my new friends! [when in doubt, throw tucker under the bus]

audio;

[bestever]

Wait, which new friends? More like Freckles? There aren't more like Freckles, are there?

audio;

[buildsfriends]

THERE IS NOBODY LIKE FRECKLES HE IS ONE OF A KIND

audio;

[bestever]

Thank god.

audio;

[darwinatrix]

So he's a liability on the battlefield. Not exactly engendering much confidence in the man.

audio;

[bestever]

Hey, look. Being stranded didn't give anybody much of a choice, alright? And we try to keep him off the battlefield as much as we can.

Not my fault I got back and some idiot guerillas had promoted him.

audio;

[darwinatrix]

How does your military even function?

audio;

[bestever]

Uh. Luck? It's mostly luck.

audio;

[darwinatrix]

...ridiculous. Even Central was never this bad.

Does he respond to discipline?

audio;

[bestever]

Mostly when it's related to his snacking privileges. [and not the barest hint of irony.]

Look, it started out as an experiment, and then got... Serious, I guess. Lots of people in over their heads. Myself included, at one point. Try not to hold it against him, huh?