video;

[buildsfriends]

Hello everyone. My name is Michael J. Caboose. Today I am going to tell you how to help your friends to stop fighting. I am an expert at it, so this will probably help you out a whole lot. This is a problem a lot of people have; just fighting, all the time. ALL the time. And then people are upset and complain to other people who just want to get some juice already.

First, you need to look at your friend who you are talking to. You should use your eyes. You can look at your friend with another body part but eyes work the best. If you don’t have eyes, then draw some eyes on your helmet and then use those to pretend. [buddy]

Next, you need to talk to your friend. This one is tricky. Sometimes you can use your mouth, and you can use the radio if you need to but try not to be too far away from your friend or they will not hear you or see you or pay attention to you unless you are right there. Within face-grabbing reach. [has...he done that before]

Some people can’t talk using their mouths, and that is okay. You can use signs. If you can’t write very good, get someone nice and smart to write your signs for you. Agent Washington is a very good writer, if you don’t have someone who will write your signs. Church is also good at writing, and he is good at reading too if your friend is not so great at reading.

Last, after you are done looking at and talking to your friend, you should either hug them or tell them to stop being dumb. This all depends on whether or not you want to hug your friend or hit your friend. Do not hit your friend unless they hit you first, or unless they try to hit another friend or unless they have big guns or cars or try to kidnap you or hold you hostage, or try to shoot people on your team because that is not nice. If your friend is being dumb and they don’t think they are being dumb, they will probably need you to tell them that they are being dumb. Usually most people are only dumb sometimes, not all the time. If they know they’re being dumb because someone tells them, they’ll probably stop.

If you want to hug your friend, then hug your friend. Gentle squeezes. Do not break your friend. He will be upset about it probably even if he forgives you because he is your best friend and he loves you.

You are all very welcome for this advice. If you have any questions, my office hours are between ten and two Monday through Thursday.

Comments

voice;

[bestsword]

I thought you worked with the train system.

[Because that's what he gets out of all that.]

voice;

[buildsfriends]

I'm moonlighting!

video;

[airshow]

Yeah okay sure, but what if the part between staring at your buddy and hugging it out is the hard part? Like, for example, if said buddy doesn't think you're as hilarious and fun to be around as you obviously are.

video;

[buildsfriends]

He's probably just confused! Yeah. Usually if you're a hilarious and fun person, like, y'know, that's real. But if your friend doesn't think you are hilarious and fun then he might be tired, or he might be confusing you for someone else. If that's happening, you just go,

"Hey! It's me. I'm hilarious and fun, this is my name-"

...and you say your name there,

"and we are friends and you like me."

Just, y'know. Very clear. Be very clear.

video

[countdone]

They could've used a guy like you on the team I used to hang out with.

Nice advice, though, very thorough and accessible.

video

[buildsfriends]

Thanks, I am easy to access.

Man, fighting teammates is the worst, right? Even if you don't like one of them, but they're just fighting and stuff anyway? So uncomfortable. And then everyone wants to hang out with you, but they don't want you to hang out with the other guy? Yeugh.

[airshow]

Hey! It's me. I'm hilarious and fun, this is my name, James J. "Most Delightful Man in the Universe" Trickster, and we are friends and you like me.

[ let's see how that advice works out for him. prediction: incredibly well. ]

video

[glitterateur]

Question does this also work with old men who're relatives?

video

[buildsfriends]

Hello Mabel syrup!

Huh.

Ummm...well, I've tried this on an old guy before, but he wasn't related to me. It worked out okay. It should probably work out okay with old guys related to you also. Maybe if you add in seventy-five percent more face grabbing, I think that'll really help.

video

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Wow! You are good at stopping friend fighting! I like the part about the hugs. That's my favorite part.

video

[buildsfriends]

Oh yeah that's my favorite part too. And the talking part. I like both the talking and the hugging parts. Sometimes I do them at the same time, but only if I'm in a hurry, because I like both those parts so much that I like to do them separate and enjoy them to the fullest.

video

[driftsintobuffetline]

[Got a skeptic here]

Seriously? Hugging it out is the solution you have for not fighting? What are we on, Barney? Half the time the looking at each other and talking to each other part is WHERE the fight starts.

Also, do not recommend calling a friend dumb. Good way to reboot that fight.

video

[buildsfriends]

Ohhh man, you're probably doing it wrong. Okay; we are going to pretend that your friends are here and fighting. You show me what you do to make them stop fighting, and I will tell you want you need to do different to make it not fail horribly like the way you do it always does.

voice;

[bestever]

Y'know, I don't think punching somebody has ever actually worked to uh, de-escalate a fight.

Also, most people don't have to worry about breaking the people they hug. That rule is pretty much just for you. And maybe Andre the Giant.

voice;

[buildsfriends]

Tex can solve fights by punching people! She punches them and then everyone is quiet.

voice;

[buildsfriends]

For a really long time.

Voice

[failureisntachoice]

Did you ask Church before volunteering him to read and write for the whole network?

[ She's semi-got your back, Church. ]

Voice

[buildsfriends]

Nope! [cheerful] I knew he would be happy to help however he could. Plus, because there are two Churches, they can trade off! It's like doing half the work for only- only half of the time, makes...uh...

Makes for- less work! It's like not doing any work at all!!

[resipiscent]

How come you didn't tell me you were so wise?

[buildsfriends]

Oh, well, I don't like to brag. Plus, once people know how good you are at something, they expect you to do it all the time. That's why I had to limit my office hours.

[voice]; ID reads Kaitou KID

[tuxedo_magician]

Hmmm.

So what would one do then if the person who you are fighting with likes to kick soccer balls at you instead of talking, or even hugging, it out?

[Even when he's not here, Kaitou KID will still continuously troll Conan Edogawa. True fact.]

[voice];

[buildsfriends]

KICK THEM BACK! And then you are PLAYING, which is exactly what friends who aren't fighting do, and it's like you don't have to do anything at all! Also, kick them at the other friend fighting with your friend, so all three of you are playing together.

Done.

PERMAVOICE;

[worstever]

Glad to see 'gentle squeezing' sunk in. I really can't overstate how important that one is.

voice

[buildsfriends]

Yeah, Church is helping me out with that one. [at least he sounds a tiny bit sheepish] I need to make friends with some stronger people, maybe.

OH! Miss Maine is really strong! Maybe I can practice on her!

video

[liverletdie]

[ Literally the fightiest friend to ever fight, but: ]

Did you really just make a video on conflict resolution? Has anyone vetted this process?

permavideo

[buildsfriends]

Yes I have vetted it because I am great with animals. It is in perfect health.

video;

[selfpraise]

[It's like watching a more stupid Cole...]

If you want to avoid fights, telling someone they're being dumb is not the way to go about it.

video;

[buildsfriends]

No no, not avoid fights, just fix your friend's fights! Very, very different. Friends sometimes act dumb.

voice

[snackcakes]

So who broke up this time?

[ya'll blues gotta settle down some, geez]

voice

[buildsfriends]

Tucker and Church. [NOT EVEN REFUTING THE BREAKING UP THING] I'm pretty sure they're fighting again. It's getting old.