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Today--in my world--November 9, 2015 marks the one year anniversary of the birth of the Jaeger program. Happy First Birthday to Mark-1 Brawler Yukon.

And I really did not want to have to make this post on today, of all days, but I've put it off long enough.

Robotics Engineer and Jaeger pilot Mako Mori appears have been ported out.

[Here Newt thinks "I don't know how to do this in a personal sense. I've never been good with this and I've spent too many years with the PPDC. All I know is form letters. 'We regret to inform you...'"]

I hope she's gone home to kick some Kaiju ass.

[He includes a picture of Mako's beautiful model of (ironically the last Jaeger) Gipsy Danger 2.0. Newt and Hermann will be keeping this for her in the hope that she returns. Or to give to Raleigh or Pentecost, should they appear before she does. He's not sure if he selfishly hopes she returns, or is happy for her that she's gotten to go home.]

If there was anything in her possession that belonged to you and you would like it returned, please forward your request to either me or Dr. Gottlieb.

Thank you.

[If Newt has seemed a lot more subdued since the 7th, and in the next few days, this is the reason. It's frightening to think that someone he knows could disappear overnight. He really doesn't like to consider the implications. He's not great at expressing his feelings, nor were he and Mako especially close, but she was a valued member of their team, kind and caring, bright and capable; he respected her abilities. He's going to miss her quiet smiles and her calming presence.]

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[Excuse you]

Dr. Lightcap invented drift technology, Newton. The Marshall has a storied career at this point, but he supported her and first demonstrated the viability of her research to secure funding for the entire program. And of course, Mr. Becket and Miss Mori closed the Breach.

[Oh, but he is adamant about defending their well-deserved titles] Spearheading new directions, keeping the program alive through whatever means necessary, and unwavering valor in the face of opposition. Legendary figures, Newton.

Edited 2015-11-10 08:14 (UTC)

And you're NOT legendary?? I wish Mako was here. She has the patience to deal with you and your shit. You'll listen to her. Come on, man. You kept the K-Science program alive even though you weren't being paid or receiving any sort of backing--financial or otherwise--and worked in the shittiest sort of circumstances we could have dealt with.

[He took a gulp of his drink.]

And THEN, at risk to your brain and general health, you did not hesitate to initiate a Drift with a Kaiju and a Drift Partner who was ruled medically unstable enough to be a danger to Drift with! You OWNED it.

All Beckett did was jump in a hole and detonate his Jaeger because we TOLD him to. Anybody could have done that. [If Newt was completely fair to Raleigh, and allowed himself to be a little sentimental, the most heroic thing, in his mind, that Raleigh did was (a) get back on that horse after Yancy and (b) put Mako first. He could have blown the mission, but he put his partner first. But Beckett was just in the right place, right time to be the hero of Pitfall. Any of the pilots could have done that.]

Edited 2015-11-10 08:33 (UTC)

[Hermann blinks, taken aback, but he remembers enough not to argue directly]

Newton, Newton, listen. Yes, my work was significant. No, I don't expect to receive any global award. Perhaps passing public mention and recognition. However- no, give me a moment.

[Sitting up and leaning forward, as passionate about this as anything else, except this comes with a thrill of personal excitement]

My name will be remembered alongside men like Turing, Sagan, and Descartes once I've compiled all my research. The largest breakthroughs in theoretical physics- the keys to understanding the multiverse. That is what I want, do you understand? I have all the data, Newton. It's all there in the lab, filed away on my machines. All I need is the time to thoroughly study it.

[Newt bites his lip and sits there, fighting the urge to interrupt when Hermann asks for his moment. It's exciting to see Hermann get this passionate about his place in the history of science and his research, but it's not as if Newt hasn't seen him sure of his work before. He frowns. This is the response he wants, but it isn't the result he wants, really. Why is this not adding up. He drank too much alcohol and now he needs the brainpower to dissect Hermann and it's not coming. He puts down his glass as if it offended him.]

I understand. You want to complete your research and you want to be remembered for it.

[Why did that sound so passionate and admirable, and yet so lonely? Like Van Gogh, famous after he's dead. Like Turing, not appreciated until well after his time. Kind of like a rockstar, but without the fame and glory of living large.]

Is that going to make you happy?

Going to be remembered for it.

[Oh he's so close, so close that he gets impatient with being here sometimes. But Newton's question throws him for a loop and all thoughts along those lines draw to a halt]

Happy? [Like the thought hasn't occurred to him before] Newton, you're the world's first and only Xenobiologist. You tattoo'd the Kaijus onto your skin because you find them endlessly fascinating. They're your life's work and you're proud of it. The Breach and all the leaps of scientific progress implicit therein is much the same for me.

Perhaps we are not conventional 'rockstars', but among our peers we will be unequaled in our respective fields. We are the top scientific minds in our world, and that's not going to remain a secret for long.

Happy, yes. [Why did that make him look so surprised. Hermann, you are a puzzle.]

You didn't answer my question. I know that the Breach is important to you, like the Kaiju are important to me. I know what your work means to you and what recognition of your achievements means.

But, Hermann. Will the recognition of your peers, of the world, make you happy? Will being Doctor Hermann Gottlieb make you happy and proud to be Hermann?

[No Newton, you are the puzzle here. He's used to parallel conversations at this point, but he usually understands what they are. But these lines of conversation are running so closely together as to be near indistinguishable.

Hermann settles into the couch, looking over Newton like he's something indecipherable and speaks much more slowly as though feeling out the words as he voices them]

I will be respected. That will make me happy, yes. [Or it should, because that's what he's always wanted] And if I ever want to have a laugh, all I need to do is imagine my father's face when he learns of my achievements.

This isn't about your father. This isn't about how the world sees you. It's not even about how I see you, and fuck me, I spent way too long contributing to the problem.

[ He reaches over and takes Hermann's face in one of his hands, pinching his chin between Newt's thumb and forefinger so he cannot look away. ]

Listen to me, Hermann. Listen. I am waaay too drunk to word this eloquently. Respect yourself.

[He listens. He does. But doesn't comprehend- not entirely. He knows Newton's serious, holding his stare and earnestly trying to impart some nugget of wisdom that's escaping his own grasp, feels his heart flutter hard with nerves as he recalls flinching away from the first time Newton had thrown something toward him. But like the cadet he'd punched out for mocking him during training, he'd refused to stand for it, and thus began the first of many screaming matches in the lab]

I do. [But does he, really? It's not something he can objectively quantify. He has a feeling he may actually be falling short on that particular point, and shrugs out of Newton's grasp] Just because I'm not full of myself..

Edited 2015-11-10 10:12 (UTC)

[ Newt pulls his hand away, flinching at the fragment of memory that he's seeing. He's pretty sure the full of myself was a jab at him, but he feels a bit empty and ashamed of the way he's treated Hermann over the years, and doesn't have the fight in him to be offended at a little poke at his ego.]

You should be.

Newton... [Hermann sets his drink down on the table and settles back next to Newton with a hand on his shoulder]

We were both less than stellar individuals during those years. I've called you a thousand derogatory names, fantasized about gruesome ways to kill you, and have afforded you and your work just as much disrespect if not more. I'm not proud of it and I know you're not. We've since come to something of a mutual understanding that I believe is working rather well so far.

Edited 2015-11-10 10:39 (UTC)

Mutual understanding. Is that what we're calling friendship these days? Is that the mathematical term for it?

[ Joking aside, he shouldn't have had so much to drink. They'd run the full gamut from silly to sentimental. But while they were on topics of things they weren't proud of...]

Well, I know you know, but since we're discussing it, I want to say I'm sorry for that. I also owe you an apology for the dates thing.

[His fingers tighten on Newton's shoulder]

I am as well. ..Not for the dates of course, seeing as I didn't set you up on any. I still think you would've liked Ms. Haen, however. I did wind up enjoying Mr. Mondragon's company though, so I'm not certain what you're apologizing for- unless it's simply for going against my wishes, but that's not unusual.

Oh, he just impressed upon me how badly it could have gone because I was just shoving you at a stranger. [He gives a tight smile, reaches up, and pats Hermann's hand on his shoulder.]

But I'm glad you enjoyed spending time with him. I really am. You deserve it, you know, to be complimented and praised and hang out with someone who treats you well.

Ah. [He doesn't quite know how that went over or what exactly Joaquin said, but he can guess at some of it. Hermann removes his hand]

Well I'm not the only one. You should focus on finding someone you enjoy spending time with, Newton.

[ Newt opens his mouth, closes it, looks away, frowns, and then pulls off his glasses to clean the lenses on the front of his shirt. He's still frowning when he puts the glasses back on, but shakes his head once and tries to not focus on whatever that thought was.] Uh huh.

[Hermann plucks up his glass again and leans companionably against Newton] You're a brilliant man, Newton. I'm certain you'll find someone that interests you that can also appreciate your intellect.

[He sighs, his cheeks and chest warm with what could be excused as the alcohol, but his heartbeat is in his ears and Hermann's words keep getting tossed around his brain. Newt had never been so cowardly as to be afraid of knowledge, but does not want to look too closely at this.

He does look at Hermann squarely, at the places where his leaning posture intersects with Newt's, then at Hermann's drink, and offers a thin smile of thanks that he tries to get to look cocky.]

The first is a tall order, the second isn't impossible, but you forgot the most important part.

[Hermann's return smile is alight with amusement]

And what is that? They need to be able to tolerate me? That does sound fairly difficult.

[It's such a nice smile.]

You're the Gatekeeper, man. The bridge troll. The final boss. You decide who will go and who will stay. You've got to like them, and all things considered, I don't think too many will pass.

[Have a chuckle too, Newt]

Now you're truly dooming yourself. Best stay to more casual relationships in that case.

[He pats Hermann's cheek gently.]

It's so cute that you thought I was ever going to aim for anything else, man.

[Takes another drink]

Hmm.. we haven't lived much yet, have we? Schooling, then the Kaiju.. Can't fault you for that, I suppose.

[Newt nods, a 'sow our wild oats' comment dying before it even began. He leans into Hermann.]

I lived...a lot.

You were in college for ten years, Newton.

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