Hiro Hamada (浜田飛呂) (
microbrobotics) wrote in
maskormenace2015-11-15 06:50 pm
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Entry tags:
- harleen quinzel | harley quinn,
- hiro hamada | n/a,
- jaime reyes | blue beetle,
- jonathan crane | scarecrow,
- † agent carolina | n/a,
- † akito/agito wanijima | fang king,
- † april ludgate | janet snakehole,
- † barnaby brooks jr. | n/a,
- † billy kaplan | wiccan,
- † dipper pines | n/a,
- † gogo tomago | n/a,
- † hanzo urushihara | n/a,
- † hub hikari | megaman.exe,
- † kaneda shotaro | n/a,
- † ken amada | n/a,
- † kitty jones | n/a,
- † luke castellan | n/a,
- † mabel pines | n/a,
- † magicman | n/a,
- † max caulfield | n/a,
- † maya fey | the pink princess,
- † minato arisato | n/a,
- † riku | darkeater,
- † robert callaghan | yokai,
- † roy mustang | the flame alchemist,
- † wally west | kid flash,
- † wasabi | n/a,
- † winry rockbell | n/a
video
[ A rare video post for Hiro tonight - but then again, this is a rare occasion. He's already gotten past the initial crying phase, so he's just numb and a little blotchy more than anything else, but his voice still shakes a little when he talks. A plain bedroom backdrop, clearly from where he lives in Heropa.
He takes a deep breath. ]
Has anyone seen my brother Tadashi? He's - he looks like this - [ A picture of Tadashi flashes on the screen for a moment. ] - and I'm getting error messages from his comm. Nobody I've talked to has seen him and ...
[ His voice trails off to a whisper. He can't even get through a whole post without tears welling up in his eyes. ]
I just - I need to know, please. If anyone has any idea. I need to know he's still here. If he's not, then ... then he's ...
[ Ported out. And dead. ]
He takes a deep breath. ]
Has anyone seen my brother Tadashi? He's - he looks like this - [ A picture of Tadashi flashes on the screen for a moment. ] - and I'm getting error messages from his comm. Nobody I've talked to has seen him and ...
[ His voice trails off to a whisper. He can't even get through a whole post without tears welling up in his eyes. ]
I just - I need to know, please. If anyone has any idea. I need to know he's still here. If he's not, then ... then he's ...
[ Ported out. And dead. ]
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[While Hiro is feeling Tadashi's absence, Ken is seeing Minato in his death. No matter how much time he spends with him, how many times he holds his hand and feels his warmth, it will never leave Ken's mind just how cold he had felt at his viewing, dressed blandly in a white kimono and never to open his eyes again. He had looked so strange. He almost wanted to put his headphones over his ears because he felt unrecognizable.
How had Minato felt when he raised his finger to the sky and gave up his life to seal Nyx? How had he felt when, at the end of a long, terrible journey, he opened his eyes once more and found himself in a new world? Did he think about himself? (He doubts it.) Did he let himself grieve? (Did that even occur to him?) And Ken didn't realize until just a month ago just what situation his leader was in.
Tadashi Hamada was more in sync with his emotions and memories than Minato was. That, Ken can conclude objectively. What happens when a man who grew up in a warm loving family with friends and dreams and a future suddenly has that robbed from him? As a member of the ragtag team of kids who didn't have any of those, Ken cannot even fathom. All he knew was that when Tadashi comes back, Hiro is what he'll need more than anything else.
He throws his arms forward, grabbing his friend by the shoulders. He doesn't make him look up, but he won't let him not hear this.]
If he's not going to think about himself, you have to! Just as he cared about you for all those years. Just as he loved you for your whole life. People like him such at caring about themselves. They'll try to laugh it off or pretend it's not even there and they're going to try to worry about you instead so that it's like it never happened. Even if they're falling apart inside.
You and I can't afford to only stay on the side of the protected. We were left alive. We have to grow.
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But can Hiro do it? That he's less certain of. There have been vanishingly few times when Tadashi's been open with him. Many more times when Hiro's come to his brother with something. Hell, it's only been recently that Hiro's managed to see his brother as a flawed person, flesh and blood. His brother had been just this image of unbreakable adult perfection up until the fire. Up until coming here, in fact. Adjusting to that is difficult. Would be, even if his brother were the type to lay his troubles on other people.
He takes in a long, shaky breath. ]
I don't know how.
[ To grow? To think about his brother? More former - he can't see far past his own pain right now. ]
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But that doesn't help Hiro right now. Putting an end to his musings, Ken looks down at their feet -- his, still small and yet to grow; Hiro's, already too big for his body. How tall will the two of them get? How far will they one day go? Will they ever be as strong and reliable as the people they pined for?]
... You can tell him, okaeri. And let him say tadaima, [he answers, just barely audible over the roar of the wind.] You can let him know how much you missed him. That you're glad he's back. Because more than we are of losing him, he was scared of leaving you. I'm sure of it.
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What if he doesn't come back at all?
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[Maybe that sounds cold. Maybe even cruel, to Hiro and his grief. But Ken drops those words as simply and calmly as he spoke everything else, bringing his hands together in front of him, weaving his fingers together.]
Your brother, Aragaki-san, all the people who're alive here even after dying -- in most worlds, if we never came here, we were never supposed to see them again. That's what death is. We've been lucky.
[He takes a breath and looks up.]
They could all disappear again at any moment, just like they did back home, and never come back. What you do after that is your choice, but those of us that were left alive ultimately have two choices: to continue living, or to chase after them. And I... I won't let you do the latter.
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That, ultimately, is what prevents him from the second option, however unhealthy the impulse might be in other ways. His hands clench the railing as he lets his gaze drift downwards to the city below. That thought passes through his head. Lingers for a moment, but the temptation can't last more than a moment. Not with Aunt Cass waiting at home and Ken right here and Megaman only a text message away. Slowly, he takes a deep breath - and his hands unclench. ]
Living hurts. And you have to get up and do it again every day. I was - I was feeling better back home, before I came here and he showed up.
[ He hates the words as soon as they leave his mouth. That ugly little part of him that almost wishes he didn't have to deal with it again, even if it meant Tadashi were dead for good. ]
Do you ever feel like that?
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And as he thinks of Minato, he thinks of how it feels to be alive here, living alongside Shinjiro, who lost his life because of him, and Minato, who gave up his life for everybody. Ken was feeling at his first when he first arrived here, but when he returned in October, when it had just turned April in Iwatodai...]
... I do. [He casts a glance out toward the city, taking in the lights, then looks up at the moon above them. It's white. Small. Innocently reflecting the sun's light. The Dark Hour does not exist.] Every time I saw Aragaki-san before, there was a part of me that wondered why we had to do this all over again. I'm sure he felt the same way -- he thought his death was how it should be, but he had to be alive again, and he had to deal with me again. I couldn't move forward from him, either, with him still around.
[should he tell the truth? Should he reveal this? He was determined to keep this secret and he'd deliberately stayed silent about it, but it almost feels like a betrayal not to tell Hiro.]
Right now, I feel that way about someone else, sometimes.
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Besides Shinjiro? [ The question comes out quietly, tentatively. ] Someone from home?
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[He has a feeling everybody knew but him. Jaime did. Nico knew. Tadashi.. probably did, too. He could just picture Minato thinking he could raise it as something they had in common, something to offer Tadashi as a point of understanding. And Hiro, too. Akihiko and Shinjiro probably also knew.
But now he knows, and now he knows more than anybody what happened to to SEES after Minato's death.
He remembers calling him right after his return and realizing how much he'd missed him, and instead of an explanation, a carefully worded sentence, he murmurs out just the name.]
... Minato-san.
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... why can't you tell him?
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If you didn't know why someone died -- not just some philosophical reason behind it, but the actual cause and everything about it -- and were struggling to move on, and you somehow found a way to go back to a time before they died...
[after facing the manifestation of your regrets in the form of the person you missed most; after fighting that Shadow and hearing its scream; after seeing their face for the last time with an expression you never, ever wanted to see -- after all that, to be handed a key to the past... Yukari's sobs and Aigis' cries ring in his ears still. He can see Akihiko and Junpei's clenched fists, Koromaru's tail tucked between his legs, Mitsuru biting down on her lip so hard that she bled at one point. Realizing, the moment they realized that they might be able to reverse at least one of their losses, how much they missed him]
... what would you do?
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I'd go back. Of course I'd go back. If I could have gone back with the porter, I would have.
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Even if it might undo everything you did to save the world? Even f there was a chance that the person's death was caused by saving the world, would you still do it?
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Who cares about the world if he's not in it?
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And your friend, Baymax. Gogo-san, Wasabi-san, Honey-san, and the other person, Fred. And the person you tried to save, too, will die anyway. Even then?
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That's ... that's different.
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But it's not... a shameful way to think. It's just how important that person was to you. We fought over it, too.
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What - but you're a team, right? Why would you fight over that?
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... In the end, we decided to move forward to tomorrow. We know what he did, what he had to do, and that even if we went back, we'll end up making him make the same decision again. We owe it to him to keep living the lives he saved, you know? But that doesn't mean, every time I see him here, I don't wish he could go back and live the life he deserved to, too.