Video | Crossposted on Metube

[orions_shadow]

Ladies and Gentleman of America.

This is a turkey.

[What shows on the hand held camera's feed is a Turkey in a back yard, held in by a utilitarian wire fence. It has water and some corn feed, but otherwise it is most certainly not free to go where it pleases.

In case you haven't figured it out, this Turkey is destined to be dinner, my dinner, unless you do something about it. The price of it's freedom is simple. Go donate to the animal humane society. The more who donate the more likely it is I'll go vegan this thanksgiving. [What a liar. But still, at least this hostage situation is for a good cause?]

Go to the link in the description below and use #Freethebird in your donation listing. You have until Thanksgiving or she'll be featherless and sitting in a tub of gravy.

It's up to you, because I got no problem with the consequences! [To emphasize the point, he turns the camera to focus sharply on his very sharp and very large teeth. One looks newly grown, another larger one just starting to push through.]

Those are my demands. Signing off.

[And the feed shuts off.]

Comments

[flyfishing]

[After watching such propaganda, Fly's face scrunches reflexively.]

Ooftah.

[He then sends a prompt and sarcastic text, shaking his head with a crooked smile.]

u've got a way with words Shads

[orions_shadow]

yes I do

be glad it's not fish then I'd get all your pirate money.

[flyfishing]

jeez man is eating all u think about?

but r u rly using that turkeys life to get money?

[orions_shadow]

yes I have a high metabolism

for a great cause

Voice

[thesmartone]

[Someone is still holing herself up in her room.]

Eugh! Thanks for making me want to go vegetarian.

[And her aunt's not there to cook horrible food and remind her why she's not.]

Voice

[orions_shadow]

I never made turkey before.

But I can assure you if my demands aren't met I'm gonna learn.

Re: Voice

[thesmartone]

[That actually is a relief. She totally thought he was going to eat it raw like a wolf or something.]

Are you going to destroy the kitchen doing it?

Re: Voice

[orions_shadow]

The yard gets destroyed first.

[mickeyd_emon]

Dude. Dude.

[he slams the short table as he leaps forward, kneeling right in the camera's face. he's pumped up!!! this is unbelievable . . . ! Maou has to get in on this, because--]

That's friggin' genius! A fluffy animal hostage? Humans eat that crap up!

[orions_shadow]

Humans also eat turkeys.

But you're right.

Except I just got a comment on Bluetube that I should eat the turkey because I look too thin.

Gee thanks bluetube commenter.

[mickeyd_emon]

They spend all day watchin' like, cat movies, right? What d' they know. [that is like literally all he knows about any Interwebtube]

Y'know, turkey's unique, but you should prob'ly try it out with a kitten next time. Humans're way more into them than birds. Or would that be cannibalism . . . ?

(Text)

[hallowedhorcrux]

If this works, I am losing my faith in humanity.

Re: (Text)

[orions_shadow]

the way you talk, have you ever had any faith to start?

(Text)

[hallowedhorcrux]

Oh I've had considerable faith in some.

Video

[knifecollecting]

You're really trying to blackmail people with a live turkey?

Re: Video

[orions_shadow]

Why not? People are stupid.

Even though the comments on my video are just telling me to eat the turkey.

Video

[knifecollecting]

Yeah, but it's almost Thanksgiving. That's when everyone eats a turkey.

[She's convinced the plan won't work, even with people seeing a "live" turkey.]

Video

[justanotherlink]

This can't possibly work.

People eat like, ten million turkeys next week.

Re: Video

[orions_shadow]

Check the view count on the video.

Also this one is wild.

Video

[justanotherlink]

People watching the video isn't the same as them caring about it.

So what if it's wild, it's still just a turkey.

[video - private]

[hands4healing]

[Stares.]

What are you really going to do with the turkey?

Re: [video - private]

[orions_shadow]

I might eat it, Winry. Whatchu gonna do about it?

[video - private]

[hands4healing]

Take the turkey from you!

[Sheesh, Shadow.]

Really. I'm happy to help with the animals. But threatening to eat the turkey...

[Video]

[tactile_telekinesis]

Man, turkey's are ugly as shit when they aren't roasted.

Let me know how your plan goes. I say eat the bird, looks a decent size.

Re: [Video]

[orions_shadow]

I'd rather buy a turkey. Just throw em in the oven and wait.