VIDEO; a public service announcement

[glitterateur]

[Aw, look, it’s a cute little preteen! And she is definitely not in jail. Though she does look very serious (in her very serious sweater) as she addresses the camera.]

Hi! For anybody I don’t know, my name’s Mabel! Mabel Pines. And today I have good news and also bad news that has some good news? The totally good news is that I’m doing sweater commissions! So if anybody needs a last minute Hanukkah gift or something for Christmas or any other holiday, just let me know. All I need is a size and what design you want and you’ve got it! My rates are very reasonable.

Now the bad news! So... people might have seen that video on the network last week? The creepy one where the guy who looks like my brother was all like today I’m gonna walk on glass and freak everybody out? Well-- long story short but that’s actually not Dipper! That’s a demon. His name’s Bill and he’s pretty evil and also he can take over people’s bodies. [She looks off camera for a second before continuing.]

Which is all kinds of freaky, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! There're ways to tell if you're dealing with him or not.

[She holds up a pair of visual aids to the screen. Marvel at this 13 year old's artistic skills.]

And I’ve got these in helpful pamphlet form, too, for anybody who wants. See, I told you there was more good news! So, just to recap-- creepy wrong pupils is bad, triangles are extra bad, and please don’t just punch Dipper or anyone else you might suspect before you check for the warning signs.

--oh and if you’re gonna call us probably don’t call Stan first? It’s bad if his communicator thing goes off during one of his [Airquotes:] “business deals.” It scares the pugs.

[Mabel gives the camera a thumbs up!! Before turning it off.]

Comments

[ursawhiner]

Good question. Here he'd probably try and possess someone else. Which is why we're warning people.

[helpline]

So can he even exist when he's not a triangle or not possessing people? Or, perhaps this place made him human?

[ursawhiner]

We're really not sure. That's why we're trying to find him.

[helpline]

Valid answer. Still, if you need my help, simply say so.

[ and just ignore the fact that he's already doing serious plans with Grunkle Ford to try and stop Bill. ]

[ursawhiner]

Thanks, Doctor. We really appreciate it.

[helpline]

You're welcome. And really, it's the least I can do for the two of you.

[ursawhiner]

Even though we kind of broke into your house that one time?

[helpline]

Even though you kind of broke into my house that one time. Just don't do it again.

[ursawhiner]

Definitely won't be doing that again. There was way too much yelling afterwards.

[helpline]

Yelling always happens when you get arrested, no matter how old you are.

[ursawhiner]

Why does it sound like you're speaking from experience?

[helpline]

...no comment.

[ he's been arrested a LOT. ]

[ursawhiner]

Is that why you didn't scold us that much when we got arrested?

[helpline]

It'd be a bit hypocritical of me, wouldn't it.

[ursawhiner]

Maybe we'll call you next time we need bail.

[helpline]

See with that, there's a problem. I'd have to rely on fast-talking the guards because I inevitably won't have any Earth money, and with those sorts of guards it all depends: skill or sheer bribery?

[ursawhiner]

That's not much different from what Grunkle Stan does.

[helpline]

Well yeah, but I'm better at it than Grunkle Stan!

[ursawhiner]

I'm not going to tell him you said that.