maskormenace | VIDEO; a public service announcement

[Aw, look, it’s a cute little preteen! And she is definitely not in jail. Though she does look very serious (in her very serious sweater) as she addresses the camera.]

Hi! For anybody I don’t know, my name’s Mabel! Mabel Pines. And today I have good news and also bad news that has some good news? The totally good news is that I’m doing sweater commissions! So if anybody needs a last minute Hanukkah gift or something for Christmas or any other holiday, just let me know. All I need is a size and what design you want and you’ve got it! My rates are very reasonable.

Now the bad news! So... people might have seen that video on the network last week? The creepy one where the guy who looks like my brother was all like today I’m gonna walk on glass and freak everybody out? Well-- long story short but that’s actually not Dipper! That’s a demon. His name’s Bill and he’s pretty evil and also he can take over people’s bodies. [She looks off camera for a second before continuing.]

Which is all kinds of freaky, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! There're ways to tell if you're dealing with him or not.

[She holds up a pair of visual aids to the screen. Marvel at this 13 year old's artistic skills.]

And I’ve got these in helpful pamphlet form, too, for anybody who wants. See, I told you there was more good news! So, just to recap-- creepy wrong pupils is bad, triangles are extra bad, and please don’t just punch Dipper or anyone else you might suspect before you check for the warning signs.

--oh and if you’re gonna call us probably don’t call Stan first? It’s bad if his communicator thing goes off during one of his [Airquotes:] “business deals.” It scares the pugs.

[Mabel gives the camera a thumbs up!! Before turning it off.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It is a factual assertion based in psychological study. Science doesn't have morality.

But people have morality! And that usually means they don't say stuff like that!

Have you never considered how an over appreciation of ethics may stunt progress?

Really supervillain-y. Like, I can feel the monologue coming.

I hope my clipped and succinct retort greatly disappoints you.

Hey, a good monologue takes some work. I understand if you don't want to put the effort in.

Do you have ample experience in the villainous monologue, is that what I'm to take from your smug tone?

[Deflection!!]

I read a lot of comic books.

And -- for the sake of argument -- that represents your fundamental understanding of psychology? You are, to some extent, attempting to analyze me.

I was just wondering why you'd say something so... morally ambiguous?

Sometimes the truth is morally ambiguous -- at best, even. It's something you're sure to learn.

Yikes. You're not a very optimistic guy, are you?

I do not come from a particularly optimistic world.

I come from a world with like, triangle demons and gnomes and monster head islands. We almost get eaten every week.

The things that try to eat me are a lot more human than yours.

The Summerween Trickster ate a kid once. And then the kid ate them.

A moment. So I'm to believe that your world hosts cannibalistic children?

No, the Trickster was made of rejected Halloween candy.

[A long beat.]

Very funny.

What's funny about a trickster spirit coming to life and trying to eat us?

Only the sheer absurdity.

We weren't really thinking about that when it was chasing us.

My congratulations on your survival, nevertheless. And the following consumption, as it were.

Cannibalism is an expression of dominance, you know -- regardless if this... Thing was human or not, it was humanoid.

So you're saying Soos and Gurney are cannibals. Kind of. Psychologically cannibals? Is that a thing?

I don't know who those people are, but I am going to assert that they have dominant qualities.

(no subject)

ursawhiner - 2015-12-20 00:14 (UTC) - Expand

slightlyoffchilt - 2015-12-20 03:03 (UTC) - Expand