VIDEO; a public service announcement

[glitterateur]

[Aw, look, it’s a cute little preteen! And she is definitely not in jail. Though she does look very serious (in her very serious sweater) as she addresses the camera.]

Hi! For anybody I don’t know, my name’s Mabel! Mabel Pines. And today I have good news and also bad news that has some good news? The totally good news is that I’m doing sweater commissions! So if anybody needs a last minute Hanukkah gift or something for Christmas or any other holiday, just let me know. All I need is a size and what design you want and you’ve got it! My rates are very reasonable.

Now the bad news! So... people might have seen that video on the network last week? The creepy one where the guy who looks like my brother was all like today I’m gonna walk on glass and freak everybody out? Well-- long story short but that’s actually not Dipper! That’s a demon. His name’s Bill and he’s pretty evil and also he can take over people’s bodies. [She looks off camera for a second before continuing.]

Which is all kinds of freaky, right? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered! There're ways to tell if you're dealing with him or not.

[She holds up a pair of visual aids to the screen. Marvel at this 13 year old's artistic skills.]

And I’ve got these in helpful pamphlet form, too, for anybody who wants. See, I told you there was more good news! So, just to recap-- creepy wrong pupils is bad, triangles are extra bad, and please don’t just punch Dipper or anyone else you might suspect before you check for the warning signs.

--oh and if you’re gonna call us probably don’t call Stan first? It’s bad if his communicator thing goes off during one of his [Airquotes:] “business deals.” It scares the pugs.

[Mabel gives the camera a thumbs up!! Before turning it off.]

Comments

[glitterateur]

[Oh, but she does. Thedas sounds really familiar, thanks Bull and Sera.]

...are you from the same place as the Iron Bull?! Then you're totally a pro demon puncher!

[whathawksdo]

[ Bull and Sera are the best introductions to Thedas, they really are. ]

Oh? Are you one of the children he's been collecting? As it so happens, I am, although I never knew him before this place.

[glitterateur]

He's not collecting, he's helping. [And dadding.] Do you fight dragons too?

[whathawksdo]

[ A Qunari dadding is such a strange concept, okay. ]

I have, a few times. We had a rather severe infestation when a nest hatched in a mine.

[glitterateur]

--were they baby dragons!? A whole infestation of tiny dragons?!

[Because, okay, that sounds cute as heck.]

[whathawksdo]

Well, yes. Baby dragons trying to eat us.

[ Nnnnot as cute as she would like to imagine. ]

[glitterateur]

Aw. Man, what's with giant lizards! Always trying to eat stuff they shouldn't.

[Because dinosaurs are basically the same as dragons, probably?]

[whathawksdo]

Or set it on fire or spit acid or... well. Lots of things.

[ Probably? Probably. Hawke wouldn't know what a dinosaur is. ]

Now, though this may seem a little off-topic, what was that last bit you said about pugs before?

[glitterateur]

Huh? --oh! That was just why my Grunkle Stan's not great at picking up his communicator or his phone. He's got business! Pug business.

[He doesn't even need to smuggle pugs in this universe, he's just doing it for fun.]

[whathawksdo]

A pug business that does what, exactly?

[ Don't do it, Mabel, she's a dog thief and a shelter employee! ]

[glitterateur]

[She thinks. What... does the smuggling accomplish?]

...I think the puppies just get to go for rides. [Across state lines.]

[whathawksdo]

Uh huh. Do you know where they start out from? I may actually be on the market for a few pugs.

[glitterateur]

He won't tell me because he's afraid if I know then I'll got get some and then we'll be on that show about animal hoarders.

[whathawksdo]

Those small ones are tempting to collect, so... I suppose that could be a real worry.