VIDEO ★ 003

[sidecars]

[ Why look! It’s a professionally edited video directed by April Ludgate uploaded to the network! Boy oh boy! Golly gee! Let’s all watch!

It starts out with a shot of two boys, dirty and in worn-out clothes as they squat in an alley watching imPorts and natives walk past them. It’s kind of weird how they aren’t looking at the camera at all; it’s just these somber, million mile stares when a voice starts. ]

There are tons of orphans in Nonah and De Chima, but today you can help two turn their Christmas dreams into a reality.

[ The video then fades into another scene of the boys walking along before cutting to a familiar face. A song begins in the background from a solo guitar. ]

Hi. I’m Dick Grayson, and for just a few dollars spent, you can help. [ Then it shows Bucky Barnes and his fellow orphan kids doing some avant-garde staring at anything but the camera. It’s some heavy shit here guys as Manolo Sanchez comes into view strumming along and singing something akin to Sarah McLachlan and her sad ass songs. ] These boys need to know that there is still good to be found in these trying times. With enough donations, we can help them. By renting a helicopter and flying them through the city they belong to.

[ Yep, you heard right. These kids want to do a fly over their city during Christmas. Heart warming, isn’t it? Now Bucky is holding their hands as they all look deeply into the camera. Manolo, though, he’s still singing his heart out behind them. You are doing a bang up job there, sir! ]

Will you be the one to make their Christmas wish come true? Donate today.

Please send monetary donations or whole helicopters to this number: 1-800-555-ORFN. Any questions will be forwarded to April Ludgate. [ So basically don’t ask. ]

Comments

[heliophilic]

Keep that up and maybe in a few years you might earn charming.

private

[performance]

I like having goals.

[ Aaand he switches the comm over to private again. ]

So where are you getting this hypothetical helicopter?

[heliophilic]

Not sure yet. I do know that someone in this world's got a helicopter they shouldn't. Once I found out who I'll go from there.

[performance]

... aaaand now I'm worried!

[heliophilic]

I'll tell you what I told the other Grayson--I don't like your rules, but as long as we're working together, you can trust me to follow them.

NOT HERE

[sidecars]

[ Gay ]

[performance]

That's... awfully considerate of you.

[ And he is a little skeptical, but. ]

[heliophilic]

Don't prove me wrong that my respect for the other Grayson should extend to you as well.

[performance]

[ Oh... that's how it is. God, does the alternate universe thing ever get less weird? How do other versions of him keep setting ridiculous standards for other people that he doesn't know if he can reach? ]

I'll do my best to live up to him.

[heliophilic]

You're you, he's him. I'm not going to compare jazz to punk rock.

What I'm talking about is the stuff that makes you you, and him him. Your moral center. You've already got that, kid.

[sidecars]

Which one of 'em's jazz?

[ Because Bucky has no idea what punk rock is. ]

[performance]

[ Wow, and here he was all ready to have an emotional moment with a relative stranger. Thank you for that interruption, Bucky, that would've been awkward. ]

Probably the older, handsomer me who doesn't try to scam helicopter rides. Right?

[heliophilic]

Older, yes, more handsome, yes, but he's a scam artist in his own right.

But you'd be correct, he's jazz.

[sidecars]

[ Off screen: Wow, don't sell yourself short, Dicky! Ha! Short! .... I'm sorry. ]

[performance]

Excuse me. Would you hold on a moment? I need to punch my friend.

[performance]

[ POW ]

[sidecars]

[ Owwwah! For a tiny you sure can pack a punch. ]

[heliophilic]

I don't know what he did, but I'm sure he deserved it.

Have fun.

[sidecars]

Look, when you are graced with the perfect pun, you have to let it happen! you can't think about others' feelings! Then no one would ever get to use 'em!

[heliophilic]

You definitely deserved it

[performance]

Anyway, good to know I'm not shattering your illusions with this, um— totally legit and above board helicopter thing.

[ And he'd say more, but really, Bucky doesn't need to know any of it. ]

[heliophilic]

You're definitely safe there, don't worry.

It'll take a lot more to scare me.