003 | video

[yourpiecenow]

As time passes and my original theory of “this place is going to be non-stop crazy bullshit” gets proven right over and over again, I’ve noticed something really, really scary: About half of you losers have absolutely no fucking clue what to do with what you’ve been given.

Super unfortunately, a lot of the half that does is fucking psychotic. That’s a problem. If they don’t kill us all on purpose, you’ll kill us all by accident. I mean, I’ve seen some of you test out your powers. It’s really sad to watch.

It kind of reminds me of my situation back home. In theory, covens are supposed to gather up all the witches Hogwarts-style and teach them how to not be idiots and blow their cover by, I don’t know, cursing their neighbor’s cow or something. That’s basically what we need here. Some sort of… [unity. cohesiveness. community.] Something.

[-- and then she sort of realizes…] I mean, of course, I can’t do anything about it. But, I’m sure some of you screaming idiots can get your shit together for five minutes and figure something out. Hopefully.

Comments

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[larker]

I think they might call that "natural selection," sweetheart. Are you hoping that by getting them all together they'll learn something, or that they'll all kill each other in one go?

[yourpiecenow]

I'm not overly picky.

[larker]

To be fair, it's not the most reassuring if everyone has to go all Saving Private Ryan here. If I had to fight, I'd not want to be in a group that could accidentally burn my feathers off.

Hey did you bring your grimoire?

[yourpiecenow]

Uh, no, I don't speak French?

[the fuck you say...]

[larker]

[Snorts at that. Well okay, it is a french word....]

They didn't give you one of them back home? It's like a witch's spellbook slash notebook.

[yourpiecenow]

Oh, that. We didn't really use that kind of stuff that often. Our magic is kind of just... think about it and go. No fancy wands or spells.

There was one book I used once... It was some fucked up shit. I'm pretty sure me and my friend married our world's Satan with it.

[larker]

Most of them are, I guess the lot back in my world like to keep a diary.

[Shrugs. Wait, married Satan? See this? This is Gabriel taking mental note so he can rub it in Lucifer's face at some point, like every good, little brother should.]

Now that explains his love for humanity. Explains everything. [Drops a wink. Teasing, no harm done.] What was it, book of the dead?

[yourpiecenow]

It was a book to raise the dead, so. Yeah, probably.

[larker]

One of those in every world. Total pain in the butt too. Married Satan though, I love it. I should send him flowers.

[yourpiecenow]

He'll need something to brighten up Death Row.

[larker]

Oh it won't be death row. You can't contain someone when they're dead. And it depends on what way the defense team skews it. Let's be real here, the world has seen people get off the hook for worse.

[yourpiecenow]

Does he even have a defense team? It doesn't look like any of the law freaks want to touch him.

[larker]

There won't be a trial if he doesn't. No trial, no charge. Whole thing will just collapse in on itself like a house of cards.

[yourpiecenow]

It's probably going to do that anyway. It's going to be a fucking circus.

[SOUNDS SUPER PUMPED ABOUT THIS]

[larker]

If it gets that far. I can already think of several ways he can derail it before it starts. Which I'm not sharing, I'd rather he stayed in his cage, thanks.

[yourpiecenow]

He'll escape. They'll put him back. Rinse, repeat. You can't be superheroes without supervillains to beat up, after all.

[larker]

Hell, they'll probably let him out. Yep, I brought my tinfoil hat to this discussion. If he is that bad, the government would have stepped in at the start.

[yourpiecenow]

Please, I practically line my fucking panties in tinfoil since I came here.

If they left him to us, they must think he's easier to handle than whatever they're planning to throw us at. And he's kind of a mass-murderer and also Satan? That's a pretty high fucking bar?

[larker]

That explains a lot. Yikes.

And maybe. I mean there's a lot of shit in my world that can make a huge mess. I'm not even defending him when I say the government needs to answer for this one. Which they won't. They're quick enough to detain me for going abroad but then sat with their thumbs up their asses when it came to this.

[yourpiecenow]

Leaving the country is a personal "fuck you" to them. Hacking into their system is a personal "fuck you" to them.

And yet, killing a whole bunch of people isn't. But who ever said politics makes sense?

[larker]

I dunno. I've been watching humanity since it started walking and I still couldn't tell you where politics makes sense.

I'm on my final warning. Wish I could say they'd have to catch me first.

[yourpiecenow]

They could catch you and hardly break a sweat, but they send a bunch of untrained losers to pick up your genocidal brother.

America.

[larker]

Yeah. I haven't spent a night in a cell in Jerusalem since BC. Nostalgic.

Sounds more line science to me, sweetheart. Like they're researching who trumps who.

[yourpiecenow]

I guess that makes sense. Figure out who's going to cause the most shit and who can handle the most shit.

I wonder what else they're researching, because it's sure as fuck not only one thing.

[larker]

So many terrible movies made from that premise, I'm not even going to try.

If they don't hire that kid they arrested then they're complete and utter morons.