003 | video

[yourpiecenow]

As time passes and my original theory of “this place is going to be non-stop crazy bullshit” gets proven right over and over again, I’ve noticed something really, really scary: About half of you losers have absolutely no fucking clue what to do with what you’ve been given.

Super unfortunately, a lot of the half that does is fucking psychotic. That’s a problem. If they don’t kill us all on purpose, you’ll kill us all by accident. I mean, I’ve seen some of you test out your powers. It’s really sad to watch.

It kind of reminds me of my situation back home. In theory, covens are supposed to gather up all the witches Hogwarts-style and teach them how to not be idiots and blow their cover by, I don’t know, cursing their neighbor’s cow or something. That’s basically what we need here. Some sort of… [unity. cohesiveness. community.] Something.

[-- and then she sort of realizes…] I mean, of course, I can’t do anything about it. But, I’m sure some of you screaming idiots can get your shit together for five minutes and figure something out. Hopefully.

Comments

[yourpiecenow]

Thank. You. For not immediately going into bitch-mode.

You're the first!

[governorkang]

Your choice of words is questionable, but I understand the point of what you're saying. I had to rely on help from a temperamental black dragon who only agreed for her own benefit to figure out one of mine.

[yourpiecenow]

... Dragon.

[yeah just stop the fun bus right the fuck there]

[governorkang]

[Now he looks amused.]

Are you so surprised, given my resemblance to dragons?

[yourpiecenow]

Alien, maybe, but, like...

... That's fucked up. This place is so fucked up. You're a fucking dragon. Oh my God...

[governorkang]

Draconian, actually. Created from dragons, but not the same.

*I* find it odd that other worlds don't have dragons or multiple races. It's all a matter of perspective.

[yourpiecenow]

I... guess...




No, it's still really fucked up. [beat] So, do you guys really steal princesses and sit on giant piles of gold and everything? Because those are some admirable life goals.

[governorkang]

Not a dragon.

[He's being nice about it, but he won't if it continues.

And, it's obvious he's heard that way too often from non-Krynnish humans by the rolling of his eyes and the foreign curse he mutters.]

Most Krynnish dragons hoard treasure; it isn't always gold or jewels. Stealing princesses is one of the most inane myths I've ever heard.

[yourpiecenow]

[this bastion of cultural sensitivity over here]

I think princesses are more useful than gold or jewels.

You can't fuck gold or jewels. [beat] Well, you could, but it probably wouldn't be as fun as it sounds.

[governorkang]

[That? That is a look of wtf and disgust.]

It's a rare dragon that would even entertain the idea.

[yourpiecenow]

The princesses or the treasure?

[governorkang]

Either.

[yourpiecenow]

[considers this]

Princes, then. I don't judge.

[governorkang]

No kidnapping, and no fucking.

[yourpiecenow]

That sounds super boring. So, what do Not-Dragons do for fun?

[governorkang]

We're not that different from the other races, ma'am.

[yourpiecenow]

No. Do not call me that. It's weird.

[okay but what do...] What are the other races...

[governorkang]

What is your name, then?

[He pauses for a moment.]

Besides draconians and dragons, there are elves, gnomes, humans, kender, dwarves, minotaurs, goblins, ogres, gnolls... and there are more.

[yourpiecenow]

Madison Montgomery. "Ma'am" makes me sound like an old person.

[okay most of that is normal weird shit, hell Queenie banged a minotaur back home...] Isn't a kender a chocolate egg with toys in it?

[governorkang]

[Normally, he'd call her Miss Montgomery until told otherwise, but he has a feeling that won't be well received either.]

And mine is Kang. Well met, Madison.

[He snorts.]

Kender are short, thieving little bastards that don't feel fear and can pick any lock.

[yourpiecenow]

... I'm going to guess there's not a lot of love lost between the races.

[governorkang]

[A shrug.]

It's like any other world. Some races get along, others don't.

[yourpiecenow]

Ain't that the truth.

It must suck to be a boring-ass human, though. Elves and minotaurs running around, and you're just a normal person.

[governorkang]

You'd be surprised how many humans think themselves superior to the other races. I've noticed that trait is a constant no matter the world.

[yourpiecenow]

Everyone thinks they're superior to everyone. It's just that regular humans are fucking boring and don't have anything to back it up with.