Video; open to Action for Nonah #03 residents

[wizzardly]

[This is not Rincewind's first attempt at accessing the network. Shamefully, it's not even his fourth attempt, even after all the helpful advice (which he smiled brightly through and nodded at and didn't listen to at all). Obviously he's managed to get the unfamiliar technology to finally work for him though, as that's definitely his sullen face coming across the imPort channels. He's on the floor of his new room, his back against his bed and his arm slung over a large wooden chest. His broad-brimmed hat proclaims him to be a 'Wizzard'.

He is also, quite obviously, very drunk.]

Right. I think we can all agree that this is absolutely mad, right? And not even - not even all these things that are going 'round doing stuff without any sort of magic or tiny imps painting pictures inside them, that's not even what I'm talking about here, that part I could almost like, since it seems somewhat sensible, the principle of it. ...Although it still isn't, is it, because there's apparently all these powers and such, which totally throws that whole thing about being sensible right out the window. And being handed out like meat-pies or something too, with no thought as to who's getting them. M'sure that's not something that's going to blow up in anyone's face, is it? Probably literally, if I had my guess.

...Right, where was I going with this?

[there's a pause as Rincewind casts about for the tenuous line of focus that brought him here in the first place, and which he's sure to be appropriately horrified he followed when he sobers up tomorrow.

Apparently he finds it again, and slaps his hand (the one not currently holding a bottle of wine) on the wooden trunk for emphasis. The chest lifts its lid some, in grumpy protest.] - Heroes! Heroes, that's what I was getting at - this whole business about people being fished out of their own perfectly good - well, okay, mostly good. Somewhat. ...At least familiar worlds, and then being asked to - to - to do what? Be a hero? I've met heroes, you know, quite more than I'd have liked, and do you know what heroes are?

Dangerous, that's what. [firmly.] Dangerous, utterly reckless madmen, that's what heroes are. People who have as much trouble realizing why you shouldn't go barreling into dark caves full of horrible monsters to get the gold, or rescue the girl, as they do recognizing a good thing when they have it. Which is living. ...Which they risk. ...To be heroes.

But you know the most important thing about them? [he continues, fervently] The most important thing about heroes is that - ! Well, it's that - !

...It's that I'm not one.

[Rincewind quiets, and swipes the sleeve of his robe across his nose with a miserable, dry sniff. He frowns, sighs.] Not that it matters, I suppose. Not that it ever matters.

Comments

[wizzardly]

["Respectably". That's a new one too. He smiles a bit.]

Right. Just not today, I think. I'm a little deep in the bottle already and I don't imagine The Luggage fancies carrying me down there.

[rathercommon]

No. You don't look like you're...going to be getting up any time soon. No offense. Can that chest carry you places, then?

[wizzardly]

Oh, none taken. [he's quite comfortable; modern heating and cooling is a marvel.]

It, ah... [his eyes slide towards it warily.] ...can, yes. Somewhat. S'not really what it's for though. I'd take a horse over it any day.

[he could swear The Luggage - who hasn't moved - is radiating some sort of smug amusement. Rincewind narrows his eyes at it. Woooden bastard.]

[rathercommon]

So what's it for, then?

[ And she answers her own question, because, duh: ]

Storage, obviously.

[wizzardly]

[his mouth is currently occupied with the bottle, but he points - yes, exactly right.]

Mm, and doing laundry and eating people, but I think that last bit is more just its own sterling personality.

[rathercommon]

Er - eating...people.

[wizzardly]

Or monsters, or wolves, or demons - whatever manages to piss it off enough. Or sometimes just gets in its way. You'd be amazed how many people can look at it and still ignore all the little bells that go off in a person's mind when one sees a magical box with legs and a mouth.

[rathercommon]

And - you let this happen?

[wizzardly]

...Seeing as the things it eats are generally trying to shove swords or claws or nasty little teeth in me in the first place, yes, of course I do. [honestly.]

Plus it's not so much about letting The Luggage do anything. If I really wanted it to stop doing something it would obey the order - I'm still technically its Master, I suppose - but for the most part it has a mind of its own.

[rathercommon]

But...Eating people. That's...That seems...like something you'd want to stop.

[wizzardly]

Maybe you'd like to. Personally I'd like to just keep my hands out of the way of its lid when it's happening.

[rathercommon]

So people die because you're too apathetic to stop it.

[wizzardly]

...I'm a little confused about why I should be stopping it in the first place. [testily.] These are people and things who are trying to kill me, d'you understand? I'd as soon put a sword through them if that's what I had any skill in, but I don't, I've got a murderous magic box instead, so I let that take care of things.

So it's really the opposite of apathy, it's just my caring is mixed 'round from where you seem to think it should be.

[rathercommon]

Well -

[ Okay, that's less bad than it just eating random people. But still... ]

Could you make it just...hold the people? Instead of eating them?

[wizzardly]

...

...Why?

[rathercommon]

So that they get turned over to the police or something.

1/2

[wizzardly]

What, like the Watch?

[Rincewind considers this.]

[wizzardly]

[...this lasts about half a moment; it's just too ridiculous.]

No, yeah, I don't think so. I mean I think it could, it spat a Water Troll back up once, but there's really no point to it. No sense making something harder than it needs to be. Anyway, it's not like they don't have a chance - they could always choose not to rob or murder me in the first place, for example. Maybe they'll get lucky and just lose a few fingers, or get trampled a bit. It doesn't always eat them.

[rathercommon]

[ She puts her hands on her hips, frowning a bit. ]

Yeah, but they don't have to die. You could stop it happening with only a word. Yeah?

[wizzardly]

Provided I was close enough maybe, which I always, always endeavor not to be, by that point.

Look, it's a rough universe. Multiverse. Whatever. Oddly enough, I've got no sympathy for people trying to kill me.

[rathercommon]

You're completely right. It is a rough universe, multiverse, whatever. I've typically found that there are things we can do, though, to make it a bit less rough. One possible thing we can do is cut down on completely unnecessary murders.

[wizzardly]

You think I should wear a sign, then? "Try to hurt this man and his box will murder you"? I'm very good with languages, I could have it translated a number of times.

[the thoughtful look that crosses his face is entirely too serious.]

[rathercommon]

[ Kitty hesitates, but then shrugs. ]

Well...That might be good, actually. I mean, if anyone would take it seriously. Would they, do you think?

[wizzardly]

I don't know. I've literally never tried it before.

[although sure, most of the sort who would try murder in the first place would probably have ignored it - particularly when most on the Disc aren't very skilled in the ways of literacy - but maybe some wouldn't have, and that's the part that sticks with him.]

Is it worth a shot, d'you think?

[rathercommon]

[ She nods. ]

Yeah. I mean - why not? If it could save you trouble and them their lives, I'm quite sure it's worth it.