Video; open to Action for Nonah #03 residents

[wizzardly]

[This is not Rincewind's first attempt at accessing the network. Shamefully, it's not even his fourth attempt, even after all the helpful advice (which he smiled brightly through and nodded at and didn't listen to at all). Obviously he's managed to get the unfamiliar technology to finally work for him though, as that's definitely his sullen face coming across the imPort channels. He's on the floor of his new room, his back against his bed and his arm slung over a large wooden chest. His broad-brimmed hat proclaims him to be a 'Wizzard'.

He is also, quite obviously, very drunk.]

Right. I think we can all agree that this is absolutely mad, right? And not even - not even all these things that are going 'round doing stuff without any sort of magic or tiny imps painting pictures inside them, that's not even what I'm talking about here, that part I could almost like, since it seems somewhat sensible, the principle of it. ...Although it still isn't, is it, because there's apparently all these powers and such, which totally throws that whole thing about being sensible right out the window. And being handed out like meat-pies or something too, with no thought as to who's getting them. M'sure that's not something that's going to blow up in anyone's face, is it? Probably literally, if I had my guess.

...Right, where was I going with this?

[there's a pause as Rincewind casts about for the tenuous line of focus that brought him here in the first place, and which he's sure to be appropriately horrified he followed when he sobers up tomorrow.

Apparently he finds it again, and slaps his hand (the one not currently holding a bottle of wine) on the wooden trunk for emphasis. The chest lifts its lid some, in grumpy protest.] - Heroes! Heroes, that's what I was getting at - this whole business about people being fished out of their own perfectly good - well, okay, mostly good. Somewhat. ...At least familiar worlds, and then being asked to - to - to do what? Be a hero? I've met heroes, you know, quite more than I'd have liked, and do you know what heroes are?

Dangerous, that's what. [firmly.] Dangerous, utterly reckless madmen, that's what heroes are. People who have as much trouble realizing why you shouldn't go barreling into dark caves full of horrible monsters to get the gold, or rescue the girl, as they do recognizing a good thing when they have it. Which is living. ...Which they risk. ...To be heroes.

But you know the most important thing about them? [he continues, fervently] The most important thing about heroes is that - ! Well, it's that - !

...It's that I'm not one.

[Rincewind quiets, and swipes the sleeve of his robe across his nose with a miserable, dry sniff. He frowns, sighs.] Not that it matters, I suppose. Not that it ever matters.

Comments

[triangleman]

Pleasure to make your acquaintance. So, if you didn't go slogging down after your dead wife, why would a mortal want to spend time in down... Well. Where they shouldn't be, frankly!

[wizzardly]

You know it's customary to give your name in return.

And it wasn't exactly my idea. [snarled bitterly, looking into his bottle.] If you must know, some idiot young boy tried to summon a demon and plucked me out of the Dungeon Dimensions instead. And it's all a very long story involving his ridiculous libido and a number of wishes but suffice to say it ended with me having to run out of Hell. And now I'm here.

I haven't decided which is worse yet.

[triangleman]

Eeeeeh. I'm not much for customs.

If he summoned you instead, then what were you doing in the demons' realm? [his voice turns just a TAD annoyed. the questions are endless.] And here I thought humans went to hell when they died. You're telling me you weren't just talking about the same place?

[wizzardly]

Or you enjoy making things difficult, more like.

I got trapped in the Dungeon Dimensions while trying to prevent all the nasty nightmare monsters and chaos creatures from crossing over and causing an apocalypse. Me being there must have... mixed up things, somewhere in the summoning. The boy wanted to make a deal with a demon, he just got me instead. I dunno why. [with a sigh. These really are a lot of questions, Bill.]

The Dungeon Dimensions are the rift between worlds. Different from hell. Sort of a... veil, that keeps unspeakable entities from mucking about with reality.

couldn't find the runes but it's old germanic for 'summer'

[triangleman]

Difficult! Challenging! Entertaining! Fun! There, I even did the translation step by step for you. Of course, the direct nomenclature depends on the universe and its individual history, but from what I've picked up of the english in this realm, it should be fairly accurate.

Oh! Oh, boy! [he laughs, and it's... it's not comforting. it sounds a little mocking, but that might just be the default sound.] Sounds awfully familiar, actually! I think I might've spent some time there. What's the weather like during sumaraz?

fantastic

[wizzardly]

[that sets off a number of warning bells - the ones that had been holding back until now anyway; certainly they aren't the first. Rincewind squints, as if that's going to help him actually focus on the voice on the other end any better.]

I wouldn't know. [testily. That last unfamiliar word - it sounds a bit like the old dialect of the Sto Plains, he could probably piece it together with a little time and context, but anyway it doesn't really matter because - ] I don't remember it. I remember going in, and I remember being summoned out, but something about the Dungeon Dimensions makes it nearly impossible for a human mind to remember being there.

[he certainly doesn't sound particularly upset about this.]

...Look, I'm just going to come out with it - it's incredibly suspicious, you saying things like the Dungeon Dimensions sounds familiar, and saying life is overrated, and talking about humans like you aren't one. You're a demon or something, aren't you?

language on the disc??? more like a potent combination of researched historical linguistics + PUNS

[triangleman]

Hmmmm... Definitely not where my timeshare is located, then. [it can't be seen, but his voice definitely gives off the air of somebody buffing the top of their fingernails against their coat.] And that's probably for the best! For you and me, if what you're saying about memory is true at all.

[he lets out a cackle. which, while genuine, also sounds... not good. maybe a little unhinged.] Not to my knowledge! Naaaaah, I like to think that I'm just... A different class of sapient being. Is it so wrong to be want a conversation with somebody who's got similar experiences? Nobody around here understands what the nightmare realm is like. It's awful! Honestly, this place is an improvement. [it's more interesting, for one.]

I still love that the gods live at dunmanifestin. DONE MANIFESTIN'.

[wizzardly]

[Rincewind has heard laughs like that. They generally belong to the sort of person who uses words like "exquisite" in front of words like "pain". He grimaces. Whatever this person is - it's probably nothing good.]

Except like I said, I don't remember being in it, and don't think I'll be going again if I can help it. Something about the entire world being overtaken by things with too many arms and teeth should they ever cross over into this realm, reality being swallowed up and rent apart by sheer chaos - just not my sort of thing, you understand. Nothing any respectable wizard could endorse, in any account.

But, er... I could see where you might have more to do here. Everything being... more corporeal.

[triangleman]

Oho! And that makes you one of those respectable wizards, doesn't it? What exactly does that entail? Are round trips out of mortal realms just commonplace? All just part of the package?

[wizzardly]

Of course I am. [I mean obviously, HELLO, look at how pointy his hat is, it has so many sequins.]

And unfortunately, yes, that's been the case. I've bounced around so many times and spaces it's a wonder I still have my sanity.

[triangleman]

Do you, though? Don't they say that crazy people never know that they're crazy?

[wizzardly]

True enough. This could certainly all be an elaborate hallucination; I wouldn't put it past me.

[triangleman]

That's the spirit! Embrace the possibilities! Never eliminate a potential!

[wizzardly]

No worries there. If it's bad and could happen, it will probably happen to me.

[triangleman]

Oh, quit your whining. Every mortal I've ever met thinks that they have it the worst out of everybody.

Or the best, come to think of it.

[wizzardly]

I didn't say the worst. [defensively] Just insanely, improbably terrible.

[triangleman]

Oooooh, and I bet nobody else has had an insanely, improbably terrible life! You're right, you are the reigning king of undue suffering.

[wizzardly]

It's my mortal life, so I bloody well get to complain about it. It's in the handbook. You're more than welcome to piss off if you don't like it.

[triangleman]

Oh, yeah? Which handbook? Are they still printing new editions in this reality?

[wizzardly]

I would think so. Down over at Sarcastic Press Incorporated, last I checked.

[triangleman]

Ooooooooh. Haha. Nice try, buster! I don't think so! I meant fancy wizard guidebooks, and you should've known it.

[wizzardly]

The Unseen University alone has over 90,000 magical books. There's no one wizard manual.