video

[airshow]

If you could anonymously mail one person a huge box of glitter, who would it be and why?

[ A blond in a very special hat and shutter shades is hanging out in a brightly lit tiki bar, sipping on the world's most obnoxious looking drink.]

Also, hey, in case the hat didn't tip you off, it's my birthday! And because I'm feeling generous, drinks are on me. Stop on by [ he flashes the menu, featuring a cartoon parrot next to the name of the bar ] and bring me presents. Or just help me figure out what to do with this pony I rented? He answers to Poptart and I'm pretty sure he grants wishes.

[ There is, in fact, a Shetland pony with a unicorn horn strapped to its head wandering around the bar. It's covered in glitter. Please save it. ]


[ the accompanying log, open to all! ]

Comments

voice

[pobrecisco]

Who rented you a pony??

[airshow]

That's a really judgey question, pally!

[pixiestyx]

I don't need to mail someone glitter when I can just make my own! [There's an absolute explosion of fairy dust from behind her to prove her point. Bet your glitter can't make people hallucinate either, Jesse.]

Can I come to your party? I'm loads of fun, I promise!

[airshow]

Oh my god you're a human glitter factory! Yes you can come— wait, are you 21? Can you pretend to be 21?

[heliophilic]

Here I didn't think you could possibly get more obnoxious.

[airshow]

Clearly you underestimated me!

[pobrecisco]

Don't make it a challenge for him, trust me.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I'm not sure how you have not yet been institutionalized.

[airshow]

I dunno, man, Burlap McFeary's still wandering around monologuing at anyone who'll listen, and I'm way saner than that guy.

voice;

[infomodder]

Happy birthday. You want a new Codfather shirt? Yours must be worn by now.

[airshow]

Maybe I'm in the mood for a new pun this time. Gotta keep things fresh.

video;

[ursawhiner]

Not Mabel Pines. If someone tries to get you to send her the box, just say no. Please.

[This child lives in glitter hell. You can see it in his eyes. And also in the background of the video.]

[airshow]

[ Note to self: send a glitter cannon to Mabel Pines. ]

That's one haunted stare, kiddo. Does someone have a glitter problem?

[causational]

[He looks super amused.]

It's your birthday, shouldn't people be buying you drinks?

[airshow]

That depends! Are you offering?

[fastballspeciaaaaal]

Oh my Patricia Hill Collins! I didn't know! I don't have a present ready.

[WHAT DO.]

[airshow]

Well, good news! I accept presents 365 days a year.

VIDEO.

[jyuced]

Wahoo, free drinks!! Free drinks, free drinks!

[ He swings his arms around in time with his whooping. ]

Let's wish for a giant cake! Crepes! A bottomless chocolate fountain...!! Does the pony get a party, too?! Where's his hat?

[airshow]

I like the way you think! [ FINGERGUNS. ] Does the horn count as a hat, or do you think the pony needs a secondary hat OVER the horn?

video;

[helpline]

[ oh my god look at that pony, oh my god look at that glitter, the Doctor has a look on his face that's somewhere between horrified and overjoyed ]

Poptart the pony, what is it with humans and naming things after baked goods?

I'm coming by, by the way.

[airshow]

[ Horrified and overjoyed is like HIS FAVORITE COMBINATION. ]

I don't know, maybe we're just a very hungry species! Should we ponder the implications of that?

And good! They have this drink here that's a rainbow. A rainbow!

[flynnnotjunior]

You're kinda outing yourself if you're thinking of doing that.

And happy birthday.

[airshow]

What, the glitter thing? Can't a guy engage in a little totally hypothetical curiosity?

And thanks! I appreciate it.

[princeofrats]

Happy birthday!

What'd you ask the ponycorn for?

[airshow]

Thank you! I haven't decided yet, but I think he's picked up on my secret unspoken desire for booze that tastes like candy. Does that count?

video;

[garrick]

[ Well, this whole thing is pretty bizarre. But first things first — ]

Why would we be mailing boxes of glitter?

[airshow]

Annoying yet harmless revenge? Or maybe your recipient likes boxes of glitter. That part's up to you.

[exceptfebruary]

Aries. It suits you. Happy Birthday.

[ Pause. ] As for the glitter, Batman. On his birthday, of course.

[airshow]

Thanks, man! I don't put a lot of stock in the zodiac myself — uh, no offense — but then again, I can't deny I fit the profile.

... y'know, it never occurred to me that Batman actually had a birthday. I'm trying to imagine him, you know, with the little hat and a cake and one of those noise makers, and I just— I can't. I got nothin'.

[tardily]

I am making sure you open any boxes that come by outside.

[ A beat. Does he truly want to ask the question he's about to ask? No and he's not sure he wants the answer. And yet. ]

Happy Birthday, how did you get the horn and the glitter on the pony?

[airshow]

He's fat and patient. It wasn't hard.

private

[aggressiveapathy]

Fred Chilton. For vengeance.

Can I count on you?

private

[airshow]

Oho, is this a request? Mind if I ask what he did to deserve it? Besides general curmudgeonry, of course.

video

[burnseternal]

...is that not the opposite of how the celebration of birthdays work on Earth? If I was to understand tradition correctly, we ought to be buying you drinks.

[airshow]

No no no, you're thinking of presents. Everyone should be buying me presents.