video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[ursawhiner]

Bologna. Sometimes it's called baloney. It's like... processed pork? They make it into a loaf and you slice it. Used in sandwiches and stuff.

[rassera]

A meat...loaf?

[That sounds...AWFUL. And this is coming from the guy who uses energy drinks as milk in cereal.]

[ursawhiner]

Meatloaf is totally different! This is like, luncheon meat. SPAM kind of counts, I guess.

1/2

[rassera]

So you guys live in America...the land everyone apparently wants to be like...


Cows everywhere. Fish, too...

2/3

[rassera]

And you still eat processed meat?

3/3

[rassera]

You guys are insane.

[ursawhiner]

It was developed for the army! The processing makes it so it doesn't go bad as fast. And now it's just... convenient? If you've ever had SPAM, you'd know!

[rassera]

Processed meat's all I had back home! It's nothing compared to the real thing!


[You're talking to the guy who literally thinks McDonalds is cuisine cause at least it came from a real cow.]

[ursawhiner]

The stuff we have is probably way better. I've seen the things you eat!

[rassera]

You don't even WANNA know what I got to eat back in Neo Tokyo.


Artificial fish.

[ursawhiner]

Like... gefilte?

[rassera]

That's not a word.


Just like Artificial Fish isn't actually fish.

[ursawhiner]

Gefilte is totally real! And I wish it wasn't!

It's like, mashed up fish mixed with other stuff and then boiled.

[He shivers as if remembering a nightmare.]

It's terrible.

[rassera]

...


Isn't that what bol-...bor...</> That THING is but with...other animals?

[ursawhiner]

No! Maybe? I don't know that much about bologna!

[rassera]

Well neither do I!

[ursawhiner]

I'm not saying you should go out and try it... but maybe try SPAM. Maybe me and Ken can cook it for you.

[Ken should definitely be there to supervise.]

[rassera]

...





Eh, why not?

[ursawhiner]

Cool. Cooking adventure when we're done with uh... all this.

[He waves his hand around to encompass not just the centaurtaur, but the tiny Stan's.]

[rassera]

Deal. Tell you what, I'll teach you, too.


If you wanna impress Ken, I can teach you his favourite.

[ursawhiner]

...You know his favourite and you can cook it?

[There's a lot of doubt here.]

[rassera]

Of course I can! You've even eaten it before.



Remember that egg stuff I had you test out in October?

[ursawhiner]

Oh. You've practiced since then, right?

[rassera]

Definitely. I'm even Ken-approved, so you can trust me.

[ursawhiner]

Can we do this while Ken's at school? So it's a surprise.