video

[glitterateur]

[There’s a lot of noise in the background of this video post. Like, way more noise than usual when Mabel’s face shows up on the network. One could say almost… exactly double the noise?]

Hi! Hey. Important question. I know everybody’s busy with stuff but this is a matter of life and death probably? Through forces beyond our control we have an animal that-- well look!

[The camera pans. Two twelve year old boys (who look suspiciously like tiny versions of the Stans) are riding a magnificent creature around a living room. Dipper watches anxiously, but seems resigned to the situation. He has the look of someone who has walked through the flames of hell and can now withstand anything. The camera stays on the chaos long enough for one of the Stan kids to fall off the… thing. The lower part of the thing. The part you can conceivably ride on.]

It’s a centaurtaur! And we’re not sure how it breathes? Or eats. We have some, um, theories but we can’t test it because we can't reach. So if anyone’s ever had any experience with an animal like this or you’re pretty tall and willing to help us do some research please let us know! Thanks.

Comments

[doubleblind]

Mabel got me the address. And don't worry. I'm sure I've seen worse.

[ursawhiner]

[Dipper really doesn't want to know what's worse than this.]

See you soon, I guess.

[doubleblind]

Very soon!

[Cosima's definition of "very" might need a little refining, since it's almost an hour before she's at their apartment, knocking on the door with a full bag slung over one shoulder.]

[ursawhiner]

[There's definitely a commotion happening behind the door, but Dipper opens it and seems none the worse for the wear.]

Hey, Cosima. Thanks for coming.

[He stands aside to let her in, carefully pushing some cats back with a foot.]

[doubleblind]

[Cosima offers both Dipper and the cat a quick grin before sweeping inside to survey the damage. And the centaurtaur. She is definitely on the lookout for the centaurtaur.]

Dude, no need to thank me. It's my pleasure. I've been waiting to see something cool like this.

[glitterateur]

[The centaurtaur gets herded into the room, Mabel following behind it. She looks Very Done with this adventure, but brightens when she sees Cosima.]

--hi Cosima! So do you think you can help? Are you a zoology kind of scientist? Did you bring a scalpel just in case?

[doubleblind]

I'm an evolutionary developmental biology scientist, but I've taken a few physiology and anatomy classes? And I brought a few scalpels that we are going to use as a last resort.

[Cosima isn't going to just start poking at the genetic anomaly the twins have found. At least not without running some standard tests and getting some blood samples. She's pretty sure no one's sequenced the centaurtuar genome and if she could manage that it'd be an instant Science cover.]

[ursawhiner]

...Do you think a centaurtaur follows a standard evolutionary progression, though? And what if its insides don't follow horse biology?

[What if they cut it RIGHT IN THE HEART?]

[doubleblind]

[Cosima sets down her bag and starts rummaging through it until she finds a stethoscope.]

Already on it. Let's figure out how many hearts it has. Uh, not that I have actual plans to cut it open. If anything, we'll want to take it down to the clinic for an ultrasound or something.

[glitterateur]

[Despite the reassurances Mabel still moves to pat the centaurtaur reassuringly.]

Do you think it'd even fit? It'd have to be a clinic with a really high ceiling.... and it might freak him out!

[doubleblind]

Don't worry. We're taking this one step at a time, starting with the least invasive steps.

[She offers the stethoscope to them, seeing who will take it.]

I want you to listen for a heart beat, okay? Tell me if you hear more than one.

[ursawhiner]

[Dipper steps forward and hesitantly listens to the stethoscope.]

It sounds like... um. I think it's trying to neigh. Or scream?

[doubleblind]

Uh... I'm not sure that's a good sign? Does it have vocal chords?

[glitterateur]

[Mabel shoves Dipper over for her own chance to listen to the screams of the damned coming from their horse abomination.]

Move over! It has to have vocal chords if it neighs, right? 'Cause I've heard him neigh a bunch!

[doubleblind]

That would be the obvious conclusion. Where do the neighs, uh, come from?

[ursawhiner]

The abyss? We don't even know if it's got animal parts in there!