text ; forward dated to about 3 AM (aka it's shitposting time)

[khajidont]

[Good old Jaime Reyes has been here for over a year and a half now, and what has he not done yet? That's right; an accidental post.

This one takes the form of a series of texts, each chunk of text being published as a new post as he blearily smashes at his phone's keyboard... complete with auto-correct and typos.]

Hey
Hey Wally wake up you wouldn't believe the dream I had
Okay so EVERYONE had a beard you had this giant ginger monstrosity
Ken had like this giant wizard beard and dick had those things what do you call them
giant sideburn thingies
minayos was freaky right blue and Kashmir wouldn't stop twirling hers and will's was beautiful
also milagro had one that touched the ground for some reason

if you know juicy nasty [yes, that's jyushimatsu] he was there too because I think he's haunting me

anyway EVERYONE was acting like it was totally normal and were like hey wheres your beard so I grew one but then all my teeth fell out which isnt fair because everyone else had their teeth AND beards

wally
wally
wally I answer literally every single one of your stupid texts
wake up or else I'm coming over there and dragging you out of bed

jk I'll ask dick to do it for me

[Expect mortified responses once his phone buzzes him awake, everyone... and if your character has CR with them, feel free to comment to find out what beautiful facial hair they would receive.]

Comments

text;

[infomodder]

[He'll get to everything else later, he must establish some facial hair hierarchy first.]

"giant sideburn thingies"
are you referring to mutton chops?

text;

[khajidont]

yea thanks thats it

[Does he think this is Wally? Yes. Give him time.]

text;

[heliophilic]

"Giant sideburn thingies" are called mutton chops.

Also, you accidentally sent this to everyone. I don't expect your phone to stop buzzing for a while.

text;

[khajidont]

oh no

Re: text;

[khajidont]

ohhhhhhhh my god

[khajidont]

HOW DO I DELETE THIS

[you can't, punk]

text;

[givetheslip]

Did I have a beard too?

text;

[khajidont]

[maria U WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS]

I mean everyone did so. Yes.

Don't worry it was very nice.

[ text ]

[enucleation]

Dreams about beards are related to authority, power and wisdom, so people say.

I'm not sure about mutton chops though.

[ text ]

[khajidont]

I think mutton chops just symbolize bad decisions.

I bet a psych would have a field day with this dream then

text;

[fridgeflower]

Yes, this is Wally.
We're all Wally now.
This is how the world ends.

Re: text;

[khajidont]

Oh ha ha

I've caught onto the fact that I posted this to the wrong place by now!

text;

[maglevflash]

[let's hear it for working at 3am. She would have hated to miss this.]

if I had some kind of fu manchu combo I'm calling foul

text;

[khajidont]

Hey despite what you might think my subconscious isn't actually horribly racist

text;

[hoboagogo]

man teeth dreams are the worst

and i can't even imagine minato with a beard
maybe like a mustache or something
i feel like he'd style it all ridiculous too

anyway when you grew one was it worth a damn or was it still your usual 5 chinhairs

text;

[khajidont]

[He was GOING to be happy about Shinji ignoring his embarrassment when he BROUGHT UP THE BEARD]

You say that like your beard was impressive for movember

[HE SAW YOUR PATCHY ASS BEARD, SHINI]

text; from Tim Drake-Wayne

[alreadywon]

text

[khajidont]

Okay no I'm CREATIVE not drunk. There's a difference. This whole thing reflects positively on me somehow

text;

[amadaman]

[He's going to go and order one now so he can wear it the next time he sees Jaime.]

I wonder if I had a wizard beard because you're convinced I'm like 60 years old

[maglevflash]

[Please send Gogo a photo of him wearing this glorious beard. She'll put it on her wall.]

text

[monster_san]

Good morning, Jaime-san.

Aren't beards normal? Perhaps not so many of them, but from what I gather they were apparently required in the 1800s.

Re: text

[khajidont]

Maybe normal on some people but DEFINITELY not normal on my 9 year old little sister

text

[stealwithit]

I am definitely a twirler.

[ She knows, Jaime, if only because her communicator has autocorrected her own name to Kashmir too. ]

And honestly, you should make a habit out of telling the entire network what you dreamt about, Jaime. We could all weigh in on the deeper meaning of it all.

Re: text

[khajidont]

I guess you can't fault my dreams on accuracy.

I'm pretty sure dreams don't actually have deeper meanings like 90 percent of the time too. They're just dreams

text

[deadkord]

[ Oh, Jaime. Bet the only way to make this more mortifying for him is for his beetle-senpai idol to see it, too, huh? ]

Picturing Wally West with a giant beard might feature in my nightmares now.

Re: text

[khajidont]

[NOT BEETLE-SENPAI! HOW WILL HE EVER TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY NOW]

I'm pretty sure that the mutton chops were worse

[performance]

I'll do it, but only because you think I'd have glorious muttonchops.

[khajidont]

You should be glad that you don't have glorious muttonchops dude. Go with the beard.

I'm second guessing waking Wally up though he really doesn't need to see this

text;

[homerunning]

[1/8] So you mean Ken finally acted his age, right




[2/8] BTW, totally had dreams like that. NICE.


[3/8] I mean not NICE. Beards are still weird.


[4/8] like really weird.


[5/7] Wait.


[6/7] I HAVE A BEARD.


[7/8] FORGET I SAID THAT.


[8/8] Also never let autocorrect stay on when you write Minato I've gotten mayo so many times man and dude I'm not gonna talk to mayo it's gross.

text;

[khajidont]

Okay number one autocorrect is just going to have to deal with butchering his name because it literally saves my life

[THAT'S PUTTING IT A LITTLE STRONGLY, KIDDO]

And number two

Embrace the beard cuz you're the only one out of your entire group to have it. It's a sign of your maturity

[JAIME...]

[pixiestyx]

what did my beard look like????

[khajidont]

Come to think of it someone did have pink hair...

[booyahh]

sooooooo

this is a thing. you made very public.

couldve been a worse dream.

[khajidont]

Yeahhhhh I didn't mean to make it public. Could have been worse but it could have been a lot better too

I usually try and share this crap with one person max

text

[runningstart]

LBIVKUAOIGJASDFSDLKAUOIUAWELMASDF

YOU RLY DID

I JUST THOT DICK WAS BEING A FREAK AGAIN BUT NO U DID
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

text

[khajidont]

Oh my god did he seriously read it out loud to you

I'm gonna kill him

[rathercommon]

This dream was COMPLETELY unrealistic. I don't believe for a MOMENT you could grow a beard.

[khajidont]

For your information I grow an EXTREMELY dashing beard in the future

text

[radioclub_jp]

Sounds like a fun dream!
I wish I could have seen it (≧▽≦)

[But noooo she has to behave and not invade other people's dreams................. this is not going to last much longer lbr]

Re: text

[khajidont]

Trust me, there are way way more fun dreams that you'd want to go seeing. Like flying dreams! Those beat the heck out of beardomania

[beneathbluerafters]

Were the toothed beards carniverous at least??

[khajidont]

Oh god

No the beards didn't have teeth. MY teeth fell out. I'm kind of glad too cuz carnivorous beards sounds like a dream I seriously do not want to have

text;

[matadorable]

ken with a wizard beard
somehow it just seems right

you have interesting dreams my friend



except for the teeth thing
that sounds awful actually

text;

[khajidont]

Doesn't everyone have weird dreams? I thought that was a universal one

I thought everyone had dreams about their teeth falling out though