maskormenace | APRIL 20TH, 2016

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APRIL 20TH, 2016

THE MAJORITY REPORT: APRIL 20TH, 2016

THUMBS UP FOR COUNTDOWN
As seen in American entertainment news and social media, with a focus on music websites and publications:
ImPort singer and occasional diplomat Count Dooku recently announced a new direction for his government-assigned symphonic metal band. 'Sulfur Mustard' will now be known as Countdown, and has launched a new album by the same name, which has provoked controversy among commentators who perceive radical anti-government messages lurking in its lyrics.

The 'Countdown' album is advertised as a musical saga paying tribute to the historical imPort heroes who helped reform the United States 'police state' regime in the late 1980s. Yet according to many in the mainstream media, this is mere pretense for messages promoting illegal vigilantism, resistance to authority, and opposition to the Cold War.

"This so-called 'music' is an outrage against American values," according to a statement released by the influential media advocacy group Manifest for Moral Magnitude or Triple-M. "Our citizens- our children- should not be exposed to songs that undermine their patriotism and promote disorder against the government. Our nation is at war- our homes were invaded. The last thing we need now is self-righteous imPort celebrities like Count Dooku undermining the people who protect us by stirring up old issues and spreading distrust. We call for opposition to this un-American music and the companies that promote it, and for real citizens of this country to heap shame upon 'Countdown.'

When approached for comment on the controversy, Count Dooku stated that he prefers to let his group's art speak for itself, and that Countdown will continue to pursue its own style of music and politics- regardless of any outside pressures which may be brought to bear. Countdown will be performing live within the four Porter cities throughout the spring season. Initial ticket and album sales have been notably sluggish in reaction to media backlash against this subversive song-slinging.

AND EVEN SECOND BREAKFAST
As seen on the Rumblr account for Benny's Breakfast:
This is a potato.

It can be for breakfast sometimes.

IN THE NICK OF TIME
As viewed upon BlueTube, the original content entitled 'ORIGINAL RUNNING LATE MAN VIDEO!', with memetic output on Rumblr:
The Running-Late Man: Unmasked!

After the talented Nick made himself known in the Artist Alley of FanPort and communes with the locals, a niche yet growingly popular gag meme on ImPort devoted blogs take up the help of social media frenzy Running-Late Man -- the man whose powers are greatest when he's five minutes behind schedule!

The meme started a few weeks back when someone caught a (shaky) shot of Phoenix Wright jumping a high fence on a bicycle with a piece of toast clenched between his teeth, and then quickly spiraled out of control (as most internet running gags do). Since no one knows his name, he's simply been called Running-Late Man up until now, and with him showing up at FanPort, he's going to cause a surge of Running-Late Man fanwork on people's dashes.

Running-Late Man has already ignited a furious shipping following with an imPort nicknamed The Caped Cravat, believed to be Miles Edgeworth. Surely, surely there will be more ships to set sail! But maybe not in a timely manner.

BEETLE V GREEN LANTERN: DAWN OF HOT HUNKY FANFIC
As seen on BlueTube:
If you venture into BlueTube, you might find a collection of a shaky, distant videos of select portions of the fight.

Green 'If there's even a one percent chance that he is our enemy, we have to take it as an absolute certainty' Lantern fought Blue 'This bat lantern vigilante has been consistently targeting me' Beetle in an epic and costumed fisticuff session. Heroes! In tights! Beating each other up!

There you can see some damage on the streets along with Heropa 012 being almost entirely demolished and minor damage to 014. No casualties are noted -- Green Lantern successfully lead the fight to a more remote area. Given the general good will that Green Lantern and Blue Beetle (ALL OF THEM OKAY) inspire, this will probably set off a firestorm of conspiracies.

Neither of them can be found later to comment.

HE'S BEDEVILED YOUR HEARTS
As seen on BlueTube and thoroughly discussed on Bwitter:
Lucifer was reported to have crashed a handful of other imPorts panels, most notable emerging from backstage during Jeff Winger's panel LAWYER AT LARGE: IMPORTS' IMPACT, INVOLVEMENT, AND INFLUENCE ON TV & MEDIA and kissing formerly thought to be heterosexual Mr. Winger full on the mouth in front of his adoring fans. Later Lucifer appeared in the crowd during the final moments of LEAVE ME ALONE & DON'T TOUCH MY LUGGAGE and had, as reported by a totally unbiased fan, "a steaming moment" with the wizard Rincewind under the noses of adoring fans.

TAKE NOTE THAT both things, and Lucifer's heckling at other panels, are hitting social media, and while there are plenty of different angles of video on BlueTube covering Jeffifer's snog, what really happened between Rincewind and Lucifer has become a game of whispers on Bwitter, with people claiming to be there and suggesting a variety of different ridiculous things happened, #rincifer #godshonesttruth--Lucifer took him in his arms and flew away with him, Rincewind summoned an army of skeleton-corpses to protect him, and then flew away on a broomstick, etc. An upswing in fanfiction has resulted from both incidents, as well, with Rincifer tending toward the darker of the two.

HOT NEW FANG
As seen on news stands and in the online publication content:
The latest edition of the fashion magazine Chic includes an exclusive interview with imPort designer Kanaya Maryam, and in time for the release of her new clothing line. She talks about being a new mother, living among humans, and laughing off continued rumors of a vampire army, but the heart of the interview is still about fashion.

In talking about her design philosophy, she said, "I've never seen fashion as about following trends, or wearing what the industry decrees as popular. I encounter that opinion often, mostly from outsiders, and I understand where it comes from. But, for me ... it's a compromise between the vision of the designer and the client's. If you don't look and feel good when wearing something with my name on it, I haven't done my job."

As pieces have begun appearing in boutiques throughout the eastern seaboard, Maryam Designs has quickly become the talk of the fashion world, especially as imPort fervor hits the industry. Maryam has plans to expand her studio, hoping to bring her designs nationwide. Her studio can be contacted for further information.

THE KING OF CROON
As seen on BlueTube and spread over Rumblr:
An anonymous person recently uploaded a song by imPort heartthrob Manolo Sanchez entitled "I Love You Too Much" onto the internet. Thanks in part to the imPort fever surrounding this month's convention, the track quickly went viral, reaching over 5 million plays within a matter of days. Sanchez's passionate love ballad has clearly struck a chord with listeners across the nation, inspiring several people to upload videos of the guitarist's performances in various cafes throughout Heropa, Nonah and Maurtia Falls. It has also reignited interest surrounding his unexpected song for the Mexican government back in January. Rumor has it "I Love You Too Much" is part of a larger concept album, and a growing number of fans on Rumblr and other imPort-focused fan communities are hungry for more.

POTTY MOUTH OF WORD
As seen on Bwitter, and then inexplicably national news:
Regional real estate troll Ronald Chump has made headlines, somehow. As of 12:38AM on Thursday morning, he has been posting mean "beets" and memes on social networking site Bwitter -- and all about imPorts.

Some of the sampling:

12:38AM
Dooku? More like Dookey -- like his music!
12:45AM
What has Fartley Rathaway been tootin' about?
12:56AM
DiarrMaria's popularity in the toilet again.
1:05AM
What kind of pervert names their kid Dipper? Dipper, I hardly know her
1:10AM
Tony Stark Naked -- no one needs to see that!

And so forth. With hours worth of inane content, if you take a look you might see your own name.

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from ORANGE to BWITTER BLUE because of CORPORATE SPONSORSHIP, AMERICA!!

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Rincewind jumps, then tugs his hat down further, protesting:]

It's nothing invasive! I can always see magic, I can't turn it off.

[but that furthered explanation earns a dubious look from beneath his hat's broad brim.]

...How significant?

Significant enough to make a mistake that I did not repeat with this one. Perhaps there's an overlap that he cannot... Override, as it were.

[A beat, and another long drink.]

I cannot be sure. Of course. If it would be that, then my immunity is nothing more than a... Cosmic, bureaucratic fluke.

[Rincewind would really like to delve into the story there; he has not doubt there is one. But it would be remiss of him not to notice how little Chilton tends to linger on topics concerning himself. ...Perhaps once the man has had another drink or two?

Ah, thinking of which - the wizard orders a glass of red wine. No, no, actually, he'd like the bottle. Might as well keep her from having to run to and fro, hm? Dealer's choice, of course. A small, vindictive side to Rincewind hopes that means their bartender chooses a bottle which will earn her a higher tip on percentage alone, because Chilton is paying after all.

Mostly for those last few jokes he slid in on the network.]

It's odd, certainly. [settling back into the slow process of relaxing again.] If that's what did it, it's a shame it can't be replicated. The warding though - I may need to look into that. ...Possibly. I suppose it depends on whether that would only provoke him further. And I'd need Will's permission, of course.

You might ask Sabriel about why she thinks he can't use his magic on you, if you are curious. [or anyone who can actually do magic, unlike Rincewind.]

I might. Though I also do not want my immunity getting revealed. It is something that many would find valuable, and not everyone is as tacit as you are when it comes to secrets.

[It was as much a statement of opinion as it was a suggestion. Chilton eyed that bottle service deployed, frowning only slightly.]

What is he having you do? Your new master.

I suppose I can't fault you there; I've certainly never found you lacking for guard. [mentioned as offhanded observation, happily watching as his first wine glass is filled. Really, Chilton shouldn't be frowning at all - their bartender was kind enough to select only a fifty dollar bottle, when she could have gone all the way to a hundred and fifty. Quite the bargain.

Ah, but you'd think it a magic trick, how the wizard's good cheer vanishes at the question. He flinches, eyes sharp and cutting up across the space between them, fingers curled around the base of his glass.]

Don't call him that. [a flat, fair warning. It seems Chilton's stumbled on an ember of pride not yet snuffed, and it flares at the insult.] Come to that, I think we've exhausted this topic entirely.

You value your liberty. [Only pointing out the obvious, so it's out in the clearing between them. A line drawn in the sand.] All right.

But surely he considers himself as much, even if Lucifer is incorrect. [Chilton was willing to make one compromise for Rincewind's comfort, but not two in such a short sequence.] How will you convince him otherwise?

[he's mollified enough not to ignore Chilton outright, even if he hardly looks cheered by their continued course. Rincewind's mouth screws around a long drink of wine, the topic turning the sip bitter on his tongue.]

I don't need to. I'll wait him out. Wait out his interest, at least.

You don't need to be a psychiatrist to see why he's doing this. [a not-quite-subtle dig.] It's pride, mostly. He's been slighted after all, hasn't he? Stolen from. I'm not his real target there, I'm just someone he can push around in the meantime, bat around a bit like the beast of a cat he is. I've been that before for people; it won't last, not when I'm of no actual use. He'll get himself fluffed back up and focus on his real threats, and leave me happily ignored. The other part of it is just a show of force, thinking if he scares me enough I won't bother with any of his marks in the future.

[Rincewind shrugs around another sip and finds the second taste sweeter, crushed velvet and plum.]

He's right, of course. But that's no great loss to me either.

You underestimate his sense of possession. Lucifer is entitled. While you've insulted him, you've also reminded him that he isn't as omnipotent as he believes himself to be.

[A quick, ironic smile.]

Paradoxical, isn't it? How that simultaneously leaves him less dangerous and more dangerous. To you. [A beat.] You're right in that he'll want to push you around by means of egotistical balm, I am here to inform you that he will hardly stop there. It is more than merely making an example of you, Rincewind, by eradicating your free will he imposes his own. And what better way to conquer another entity than absorbing it?

Then who's to say you've ever bested him at all?

[well. None of that is particularly comforting to hear. Rincewind looks pointedly, sullenly away, shoulders hunching. He doesn't quite believe his doctor's theory (certainly doesn't want to), and casts out viciously for a retort.

If he can convince Chilton, after all, then perhaps he can convince himself.]

He's left you alone, hasn't he? Just you being immune to his magic is an insult in itself, never mind anything else that's gone on between you. [and he would still like a clearer picture of what that is.] Certainly it doesn't help that sense of omnipotence, hm?

But you're still all right. Still unmarked by him.

Not for lack of trying. I mentioned the Pestilence thing, haven't I? And he's sneaked up upon me in a bathroom -- albeit in a more mundane way, since we were both at the same Swearing-In. [The doctor inclined his head.] He is good at taking any little opportunity.

Lucifer does not like me, I have no delusions otherwise.

[But he did. Once.]

I'm probably not the best example to use, as my mere existence and freedom inherent seems to piss him off.

That sounds like something out of one of those fan stories. [a little stab of dark humor, which allows him to ignore how terrifying it would actually be to see Lucifer behind him in a bathroom mirror.]

Could be you're looking at it the wrong way, you know. Could be he does like you, which is why it so pains him to see you off his leash, as it were.

[ah, and on that note - Rincewind bends enough to tap the Luggage on the lid and bid it to open, rummaging for something.]

I can assure you, he holds nothing but disdain for me.

[Would that it were Rincewind's version of events, perhaps he and Lucifer could attain a more neutral stance. But as it was, his only tether to the devil that remained in good standing was discovering whatever immunity Chilton possessed to him away.

Lucifer said that he couldn't plot Chilton. That was of extreme value to the both of them.]

And probably a little sadistic inclination, you know, I have managed to push his buttons once or twice.

[Or every time.]

What, you? Find a person's sore spots? I can't believe it, I just really can't.

[such lighthearted, utterly obvious sarcasm.

There's another moment of rummaging, then a self-satisfied 'Here we go' - before Rincewind straightens again, a small stack of booklets in hand. He plops them on the counter in front of Chilton; it seems while the wizard was poking about in the Luggage he managed to find his smile.

He also managed to find six issues of the "Love Doctor" comic series, which Rincewind was assured has enjoyed popularity not only among pure Chilton fans, but has been lauded in other imPort fan circles for its superb art and true-to-character dialogue.

It is, apparently, an ongoing series.]

I nearly forgot to tell you I'd found you something at the convention.

What... Is that?

[Chilton spoke as if Rincewind had pulled out a rancid appendix newly shorn from a corpse. He leaned in to glimpse it with narrowing, skeptical eyes -- right before recoiling back in his chair.]

Is this some sort of joke? Why do you have such things?

[And moreover, why didn't the Luggage eat it like a proper monstrosity would?]

[the wizard shrugs merrily, taking another drink of wine.]

A number of people were trying to sell copies of my hat. The ones I couldn't simply take, I had to barter for. [as though going to such lengths in the first place makes any sense.] One woman refused to let me simply buy hers off her, and instead insisted I buy some of her comics as trade. These stood out.

[the covers are very colorful, each graced with a cartoonish version of Chilton and whatever other imPort features in the issue.]

She seems to have a worse understanding of psychiatry than I did when I first arrived, but you have to admit it's rather funny. [to him.

He gestures at the comics grandly.] They're yours, of course. You can burn them as you like, but the art really is very good.

Then you've read through them. [Accusation spoken with the kiss of alcohol was more forgiving in Chilton's mouth than typically.] That alone makes me wonder...

[He drained his glass. He had to, just as much as he had to request another drink -- one of the same.]

... Who was your favorite pairing?

[It's a trap!]

Oh, as though you wouldn't. [No point in lying to each other about this, grown men and all. And he'll smile to himself a little when Chilton catches up with him in the drink tally. Really, this is how their sessions should go as well, how much more relaxing would they be?] Skimmed though, more like.

But I think you and Jeffrey are written the best, certainly. [still so amused, not noticing the tiger pit.] Although Raina is lovely, of course. - I swear I only glanced at that one.

[as though there were actual photos of his psychiatrist's girlfriend.]

Oh my god.

[That was it, that was enough. Chilton's hand nearly hit the top of his briefcase as he scratched for the clasp to open. Out he pulled a stack of internet-born fictions.]

Did you know? Since you're such an expert. Did you know that there exists a group of people who romantically entwine you with the very man who put you in the devil's hold?

[Miles and Rincewind. Hell of a rare pair, but it lived.]

[hey, c'mon, these comics are gift! The art is incredibly... generous. Not to mention how therapeutic it apparently is for a few of Chiltion's patients to put their doctor in a ball-gag; it really seems to work for them, he might want to incorporate it into his technique.

Confusion flickers through Rincewind's smug expression as he watches the doctor struggle with the briefcase. The moment comprehension dawns, however, he has to raise his sleeve in front of his mouth and gulp to avoid wasting a mouth-full of good wine.]

You - why would you bring - ?!

[it's not the same, okay, the Luggage holds literally everything of Rincewind's all the time, but Chilton's briefcase is intentional! Oh, but realizing who the psychiatrist is referring to certainly narrows the wizard's attention. There's a half-strangled sound, quickly swallowed, before Rincewind leans up on the bar to make a quick, swiping play for the papers.]

That's madness!

Is it? Is it madness? Or is this --

[Chilton grabbed one of the beautifully drawn comics, snatching it by the cover and opening to a random page. There was his depiction: ball-gagged, handcuffed, quivering, and nude from the waist upwards. The artist had drawn Chilton bent over his desk with his spine curved upwards, eagerly awaiting his companion's touch. A dark, presumably handsome shadow cast over Chilton's waiting form.

The next panel revealed Rincewind.]

-- What the hell.

[Rincewind pauses in reaching for the fanfiction, hand outstretched, eyes falling on one panel before sloooowly sliding to the next. There's a twitch in his expression that might be hard to read, before all the little muscles of his face begin to rearrange themselves - with obvious satisfaction - into a look of outright glee.

He sits back. Suddenly, a bit of writing pairing him with an insufferable admiral doesn't seem nearly as consequential.]

Well. [he can't contain his grin, and it's such a rare expression on the redhead's face that his cheeks already feel happily sore.] It seems I didn't read them thoroughly enough.

[gods, is this what victory feels like? This seems like the sort of mean bliss that could follow besting a competitor.]

If we're going to continue this little match, you really ought to flip the page first - I'm curious what happens next.

[Pistols had been drawn, and Chilton found himself at gunpoint. If he balked at the challenge to turn that page, it was as good as bullet to the chest. If he risked a show of boldness, it was likely to backfire with vivid images he had not previously anticipated. And while Chilton was no son born of good fortune, he realized that it would be simply unendurable to toss his own shot; Rincewind's smile was unlike any other, peeled in glee and vicious.

It had to be stopped.]

You would be.

[He muttered, as if unwilling to commit to high volume. Taking a deep breath, the doctor pluck at the page with thumb and forefinger --

-- Thus revealing a sequence of Rincewind's strong hands on his backside, seemingly massaging away his trousers, lowering, lowering that vanguard to reveal bare flesh and then pressing against--]

Oh no.

[Chilton shut the book.]

No.

"Oh, wow."

[this from their bartender, dropping off Chilton's next drink just in time to catch sight of the lovingly rendered pants-drop. She shakes her head before moving on to her next bar guest.

Rincewind has to agree with her sentiment. He also has to give credit where credit is due - he's not sure he would have turned that page himself. Gosh. That unsettling grin of his has toned down to a self-satisfied smirk, albeit framed by ears turned a color just two shades left of his hair.]

...On the bright side, you looked to be quite enjoying yourself. [he has the audacity to give the doctor a friendly, conciliatory pat on the shoulder.] That's something. Rather commendable too, that the artist seems to think you'd work so hard for your patients. You've got to find that flattering.

[Rincewind leans back in his chair and tops off his glass. All right, so this is a strange competition to feel the victor in, but you know what? He never gets to win anything, and also he didn't start this, and also it's harmless, and also these absolutely aren't a list of justifications for being a bastard, they're just the facts.

He lifts his glass to Chilton in playful toast - the gunslinger blowing the smoke off his barrel.]

Can't win them all, hm?

[and drinks.]

That is quite enough from you!

[Bad enough his timing invited the bartender's disparaging gaze, and now he had to suffer Rincewind's smug demeanor. As if this were all his design! As if the wizard had any influence over his fictional persona!

But then again, someone was paying attention to him, wasn't that so? Someone was paying attention to the both of them, and this was the impression imparted.]

I've never had to deal with this breed of nonsense in Baltimore. [That he knew of.] How are you taking it all in such stride?

Oh, come off it, you started it. [with another pleased little sip. But at least Rincewind's floated down from the realm of 'insufferable gloating' to 'buzzed and pleased with himself'.]

But do you mean with this in particular, or their ridiculous fan things in general? [arching a brow.] I'd say it's mostly because I'm not the one being drawn over a desk in this case.

[for once.]

And it is all just strange fantasy in the end, isn't it? I mean - my hands aren't that big, for one thing. And you've not that much curve to your hips. Anyway, I find this all rather - [he waves a hand airily, searching for the right word.] - therapeutic, at the moment. Just what the doctor ordered.

[a beat.]

Well. Not you, of course. I've no idea what you'd order to relieve getting the devil's attention. But some doctor.

Surely you've stumbled on one of these you've found flattering before?

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