01: video

[tactical_lalafel]

[The camera cuts in on a close-up - a round face, piercing blue eyes with no clear pupils behind rimless glasses perched atop a snub nose, broad pointed ears sticking out chin-length black hair, fills the field of view, scrunched up in a look of the sort of concentration you'd expect from someone disarming a bomb.] What does that light- broadcasting? Oh, seven hells...

[The face scrambles back, revealing a person standing maybe three feet tall, dressed in a wizardly-looking sort of robe. They wave to the camera, smiling nervously.] Ah, hello! Sorry about that - devices like this aren't common where I come from, and the ones there are tend to be... hazardous, in one way or another. [If Allagan technology isn't malfunctioning from millenia without maintenance, it's functioning perfectly and trying to kill you.]

Anyhow! Malms Vovokosi, battle thaumaturge and adventurer, at your service. [He bows to the camera.] Now, since the Grand Company that brought us here has been so kind as to arrange employment already, I find I have a favor to ask. Does anyone play Illusion: The Gathering? I feel I should have some idea as to what the wares I'm to be selling are.

Comments

video

[monster_san]

[goodness he's

so cute

but she has too much experience with old men in children's bodies to say so.]

Hello, Mr. Vovokosi! Don't worry, I haven't had any dangerous experiences with this device since I've received it.

I've played a bit of Illusion--not enough to claim expertise, but I can try to answe your questions.

Re: video

[tactical_lalafel]

[It's the way of things for the Lalafell - the best you can hope for is to use your power of adorable for good, like the Sultana (and yes, that's how she gives her speeches).

In the here and now, Malms' smile becomes much less forced at the news that this person knows the game.] Oh, wonderful! Would you be willing to teach me the basics, perhaps? I can't promise any payment now, though if it's anything like Triple Triad I might be able to offera rare card or two later...

[monster_san]

[that is just precious.]

Yes, I'd be happy to teach you what I know.

Oh--could I ask what it is you meant by "Grand Company?" [The phrase had stuck out to her as unfamiliar.]

[tactical_lalafel]

Grand Companies are the forces officially mustered and maintained by a nation to serve as its defense, as opposed to the independent Free Companies.

At least, that's how they're known in Eorzea. They may name them differently here, I suppose...

video

[glitterateur]

Whaaat's a battle thaumameter? Thermometer. [Shoutout to that fancy and complicated as heck title.] I've never heard of Illusion either! It's a game, right? Is it a video game or a board game?

Re: video

[tactical_lalafel]

Thaumaturgy is one of the kinds of magic practiced in Eorzea - I could bore you with the details, but it means that I can call up fire, ice, and lightning, quickly and powerfully enough to be useful in a fight.

From what my packet told me, it looks like Illusion is a card game. Why they think I'll do well selling it, I don't know - I play Triple Triad at home, yes, but nowhere near competitively.

[glitterateur]

Oh cool! Can you still do that here? Is that your superpower?

[She doesn't ask about Triple Triad, because that sounds like some kind of weird poker game. Or maybe go fish.]

[tactical_lalafel]

It is, thankfully, since I don't have many other skills likely to be of much use in a place like this. There's not much call for cleaning a dodo or gleaning a field that I can see.

video;

[ursawhiner]

[There's so much to get excited about here. Battle thaumaturge? Dipper hasn't met many magic users here and this guy sounds amazing. But he's got to stay cool. Don't scare off the new imPorts. Even if he's kiiiiiiiind of an expert on Illusion: The Gathering.]

If you're selling stuff, you mostly just worry about the cards, sleeves, binders... Oh, and there are games, and books, and comics, and stuff. You can probably get away with not knowing exactly how the game works.

Re: video;

[tactical_lalafel]

[Malms makes a face at this.] Not knowing how something I'm working with works seems like a good way for... problems.

You sound like you know something about the game. Maybe you could teach me the basics, at least?

[ursawhiner]

Basically, each person has a deck of cards, and they battle another person until they run out of cards or life points. Different cards do different things and some cards can change how you win or lose.

So players collect cards so they have a lot of variety to choose from when building their deck. I mostly just collect them since I don't really have anyone to play with. [One of the consequences of not going to school.]

[tactical_lalafel]

I see! Would you be interested in playing a few rounds with me, then? I may be able to offer some rare cards as compensation for your time.

[akas]

God, you're tiny.

[ Guess who didn't hear a single word? ]

[tactical_lalafel]

Yes, I am small, even for a Lalafell.

Might I ask your name?

[Cue one 'I'm being polite because at least you're not patting me on the head like some people' smile.]

[akas]

That's your race? Lalafell?

[ So it's a good thing she didn't call him a tiny mouse person. ]

I'm Jessica.

[tactical_lalafel]

[Yes - the Qiqirn are the tiny mouse people. Lalafell are tiny potato people.]

Yes, I'm Lalafell, Dunesfolk to be precise. Were we in Eorzea, you'd be Hyur, but they call you human here, correct?

video

[penthesileia]

I don't play, no. I'm sorry I can't be of more help, Mr. Vovokosi.

[She's looking at him, trying very hard not to ask what are you?] What do you mean by the Grand Company?

Re: video

[tactical_lalafel]

I mean the military force this nation fields in its defense, as separate from local militias or mercenary forces. What would they be called here?

video

[penthesileia]

You're talking about... the United States Armed Forces? As far as I'm aware, there are no local militias or mercenary companies.

voice

[hypnotherapy]

Well, you're doing much better than most people who don't know how to work these devices when they get here.

You have this kind of technology where you come from? [ He's skipping the formalities because everyone else has asked those questions already. He could nerd out about card games all day, but that wouldn't be productive since like two people are doing that. ]

Re: voice

[tactical_lalafel]

Eorzea itself does not, no. But between the magitech of the Garlean war machine and the creations of ancient Allag, it's less foreign to me than it would be to your average citizen of Ul'dah or Limsa Lominsa.

The learning curve is much gentler than Allagan technology, as well - there's not a single function on this device that will kill me!

[hypnotherapy]

It would be counterproductive for a device meant to aid in ease of communication to kill you, but odder things have happened. It sounds like you were digging up weaponry.

...Or perhaps the weaponry was already there waiting for you. Who knows. In any case, it seems like you've had an eventful life even before you got here. [ How ominous. ]

holy frijolies, how and when did i miss this. also: audio!!

[irassible]

Th...

Wait.

You.

[ Brain: please go. This is important. ]

Say all that again. Everything you just said.

video

[tactical_lalafel]

[So, Malms hasn't figured all the controls on this thing out yet, so you get to see him blinking in confusion at the abrupt demand. And that accent sounds gods-damned familiar...]

Um, is there anything in particular you want me to repeat? I'm Malms Vovokosi, newly arrived here, looking for someone who plays Illusion: The Gathering?

perma audio!

[irassible]

[ So someone can freak out in private. ]

No, between those two things. The bits in the middle.