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[fridgeflower]

In my world, there are people born with a genetic mutation that causes the manifestation of various superpowers. We’re called mutants, for obvious reasons, and people hate us. Not everybody, but enough people and with enough ferocity that being a mutant can be dangerous.

I know that as well as anybody else, I guess. I was targeted and murdered by an organization called the Church of Humanity. I never understood why ME. I’d never really done anything to anybody. Not on purpose.

I kind of get it now, though. These past few days, I thought I came from a world where I hadn’t died. In that world, I retaliated against the Church’s attack and killed William Stryker and all of his men in the process. I’d been scared, and I’d been angry, and that’s what I’m capable of. The fact is… I’m monstrously powerful, and I don’t know if I can really blame somebody for thinking I must be a monster from a distance.

Which isn’t to say I forgive them for killing me. It sort of brings up the Big Conflict, you know? How far do you let somebody push you before you retaliate? And then how do you live with that? I don’t know if there are universally satisfying answers. I hope I never have to figure it out by experience. Knowing what I’d done in that life felt horrible, mostly.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. Sorry. It’s a little melodramatic, isn’t it? I just feel like I have apologize for something that never actually happened to me, even though I don’t know if I’d actually apologize for it if it DID happen.

How do you deal with what you’re capable of?

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[huntergames]

[ Some nights sleep does not come easy to Sasha and this is one of them. She's idly checking the network every now and then, mostly preoccupied with a teen's fashion magazine until she catches Laurie's post. She reads it a few times slowly, her heart plummeting further down into her stomach each time as she asks herself the same question Laurie's asking at the end of her post: how do you deal with whatever you're capable of? Is there a wrong or right way? She's spent months trying to find an answer, but each time she thought she was close to accepting it, something would happen — something awful — and she would find herself right back at the start.

She forgets in spite of her demeanor and her self-imposed limitations, Laurie is indeed powerful. Sasha's never had that kind of power at her disposal, even here, but she can empathize with some of those thoughts Laurie's apparently occupied with tonight.

Eventually, she slides out of bed and takes her pillow with her out of the room, sneaking up wherever Laurie is before she smacks the pillow against the back of her head. Not that it's going to hurt, at least. ]

Pillow attack!

[fridgeflower]

[ Laurie's on the sofa, headphones on, re-re-reading her post with a slight degree of anxiousness. She feels like she should have had something more conclusive to say, something beyond being sullen and having zero answers, but... Whatever, right? People here have so many different experiences. Maybe there's something comforting or educational out in the imPort atmosphere.

She's about to go distract herself elsewhere when Sasha's pillow gets her in the back of the head. For a split second, she's surprised, but countering is automatic enough. She drops her phone in favor of taking up the nearest couch cushion, turning and lashing out with it. ] Hey! Sasha!

[ She throws the decorative pillow for good measure before scrambling for another. How intense is this meant to get? ] You scared the crap out of me!

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[foreverbouncing]

Iiiiiiiii guess it depends on what you're capable of.

But if it's crazy awful like you said, or dangerous, you just gotta learn to like...not do it. Even if you want to.

i got that problem too.

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[fridgeflower]

I know that much. In the hypothetical instance, though, I just lost it. I don't normally want to kill people. I don't think I even wanted to kill them then. I just needed to stop them.

I'm sorry if you're dealing with something similar. It really sucks a lot of the time.

video;

[earnedmystripes]

[Ah, man. This whole week has been a mess, but living out the life where you didn't get murdered seems particularly cruel, especially if it went in a direction where others died instead.

He doesn't have a lot to say about that part, because he can't really even imagine it. But the question Laurie asks is one that's close to his heart, anyway.]

By remembering that your powers are just one part of you. They're not you, and the important part isn't what they could do, but what you choose to do with 'em.

video;

[fridgeflower]

[ Video's fine. Have a teenager who's trying to be neutral and stony-faced about this whole thing. ]

I always try to focus on that. I've hated my powers since I got them, and balancing acceptance with knowing how awful they can be --how awful they have been-- is still really hard.

It's just one of those times where I feel like I'm never going to get there, you know?

[glowsferatu]

to me it sounds like they wouldnt have been any great loss to the world
if there is one scenario that isnt ambiguous its when they fully intend to kill you and others

still
its funny
i might not have thought the same last week

[fridgeflower]

They raided the school. They really wanted us to die. I mostly didn't feel bad about it.

Which is sort of a problem in itself, you know?

[hostage]

Those guys deserved to die

And it don't matter what your power is cuz you don't deserve to be killed for something you didn't do yet

It's real simple you know?

Lots of us are powerful but we're not monsters til we're using that power to hurt innocent people

[fridgeflower]

Saying that and living with it are two different things, I guess. It should be as simple as that, though. Maybe.

I might be more worried about my attitude after the fact. I could suddenly understand how a lot of the mutants that come into conflict with the X-men feel.

[ She doesn't want to put it simply and say she identified with Magneto, 'cause he's here in another form, but she kinda totally got the Magneto stance. And that's... bad, right? ]

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[hyperkinesia]

No matter your power, the only way to deal with it is to learn to control it the best you can. And killing people for what they can do isn't a solution, not to mention that in some cases that's not even an option.

In the end it's about what you choose to do with those abilities. If you're going to hurt people, or help them. Some will still fear you or try to hurt you anyway, but at the end of the day, the difference between being a monster and a human boils down to your choices.

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[fridgeflower]

I'm already doing what I can, then. I don't want to hurt anybody, and I'd like to help. I've always known that.

It just feels shaky sometimes, like somehow that's not enough. When things happen like this, it makes it feel like the decision could so easily be taken out of my control. I guess that's what's bothering me.

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[divaricate]

[This post resonates with Wanda, and while she might not know Laurie, her response is going to be kinda long and personal because of the way it resonates.]

Most of my life, my country was in some sort of war; I was angry at the countries attacking it, killing its people. I still hate the guy I blame for the deaths of my family, and though I had chances to kill him back in my world, I never took them. Not because I had second thoughts, but because at the times I was faced with that chance, I had other methods of trying to get him to destroy himself beyond repair. Basically what I'm saying is that anger, hate, revenge - they're all powerful feelings, and I get it. I don't think you need to forgive anyone for killing you, and I don't think you should feel bad for what you did in another alternate version of that world where you killed them for their attack. Just because you might be monstrously powerful doesn't make you a monster. I don't think revenge always makes people a monster, and protecting oneself and/or others with powers too doesn't make someone one either.

I was recently sent back to my world for a time, then back here. In that time back home, I realized that I could not control anyone else's fear of me and could only control my own fear -- fear of them, fear of myself. You might do bad things with your powers by mistake (or even on purpose a few times), but those don't define you. And that is my very long answer to how I deal with it.

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[fridgeflower]

[ First the Hulk, now the Scarlet Witch? This post is rife with celebrity empathy and advice. ]

Do you think there's more weight put on our mistakes, as people with superpowers? And do you think that's fair?

They might be dumb questions, sorry. I guess the question is more... There is going to be more burden on us to be perfect, which is impossible, so how do we find peace of mind with that? Is it really possible to ignore that expectation? Are we really apart from them, no matter what we do?

[unbreaker]

know yourself, know your limits

and know one day you might get pushed beyond those limits because even people who can see what's coming have off days, right? shit happens...that's life. you make amends if you need to, and you keep moving forward.

oh, and remember...there's just as many people without powers in the world who've got the potential to be dangerous. everyone's capable in their own right, under the right circumstances. doesn't make them a monster any more than it makes you or me one.

[fridgeflower]

My potential off days can apparently result in mass murder, so I guess it feels a little more complicated with that. To be fair, though, the men were armed. I don't know how effective I could've been otherwise. Anyway, I never REALLY did that, so... I don't know.

Me and my powers have a long and complicated history. This is really just the same old backsliding.

[ And, oh. Yeah. Subject change opportunity. ]

I'm sorry if I acted weird at all at your party. I was remarkably intact during all of that, but I feel like I might've been colder than usual.

text/i casually remind them periodically that i can fuck their shit up fuck you stryker

[incogneto]

I'm not sure you want my advice.

But you have nothing to apologize for.

text/a bad dude in every universe

[fridgeflower]

I think I know what it might be. I'm not sure how different you are from the Magneto of my world, though.

I thought I might have understood you. I really hated them for what they did and how easy it was for them.

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[inmyothertights]

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

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[fridgeflower]

It's-- I still don't really understand what happened, exactly. Not that that's the important part.

Don't make me something else you have to beat yourself up over, okay? I'll be fine. I'm just trying to straighten out my thoughts.

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[monster_san]

[sorry wait what you were MURDERED??? it's a good thing this is text.]

That is a very difficult question.

I've seen someone in a similar situation. She wasn't persecuted but she had immense power and the responsibility with it. I don't think it excuses people from making the worst assumptions. Such ideas are self-fulfilling.

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[fridgeflower]

I don't think it does, either. Maybe I just better understand the fear that drove those people, even if I still can't fully wrap my mind around why they thought it had to be the way it was.

There probably isn't a peaceful conclusion to come to, here. It's just going to be a forever vexation.

text.

[tardily]

[ There's so many things Barry wants to say to this, but instead of some long rambling commentary and an apology he goes for something simple. ]

You remember that even though you're capable of some things, there's limits you should probably set for yourself.

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[fridgeflower]

I have them. I keep finding new degrees in which my power's dangerous, but I've always known. I'm still worried about the possibilities sometimes, about my grip slipping no matter how hard to try.

It sounds dumb, but I feel almost like I'm cursed sometimes.

[dualismum]

I think it's unfair to be judged by what you can do, rather than what you do. Any person can hurt another, with or without powers - we aren't going to blame them for something they haven't really done, though. Maybe they weren't to blame for thinking about what you could do - they were to blame for using it as an excuse to do such a thing to you.

[ funny Sasaki says that, when it's his job to kill ghouls, regardless if they ever did anything wrong or not. ]

As for how to deal - you learn and set your own boundaries, your own limits. Yours. It's easy to talk, it's easy to say that and read it out loud, but it's hard to stick to a limit. Sometimes you'll go overboard and you'll make mistakes and some of them are hard to live with.

But you need to learn and to accept and to move on, and do your best. It's all we can really do.

[fridgeflower]

[ Right. Boundaries and limits, says kinda-but-not Ken. She's avoided a direct line. It figures this would come in a moment of difficulty. Still, with what he's saying... Where's the lie? ]

Yeah. I mean, there are other options available, but they aren't something that I have a mind to consider. Moving forward will just have to do it. That's never been the question.

For how long is that tolerable, though? How many times can you be allowed to screw up? That's the next step.

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[112ounces]

[ This hits a little hard to home, as Carl has experienced second hand of a life he could have if the dead haven't come back to life. Honor role, Disneyworld, Fourth of July . . . a life never meant for a murderous kid like Carl. It makes him feel like a freak at times. ]

Here's the thing about monsters

they are always inside of us. and they always come out when we try to do the peaceful thing and it fails again and again.

i've learned the hard way of letting dangerous people go, of not putting them down before they come back and kill more people of my family. so i've killed, and i'm going to keep killing, as long as there is a threat to the people i care about. it feels awful, being all cold after killing someone. but at least your friends and family are alive, and they are the only ones that can make you feel alive again.

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[fridgeflower]

[ w o w . . . This response sure escalated quickly. ]

Then there's no acceptable alternative for you? I don't think there was for me, either. That's how I felt when that was my path.

I just felt so caged in that choice. I didn't feel like I worthy of being with the people I loved, even if I did what I did to protect them. I didn't feel like it was unjustified, though, and that's what scares me now that I'm back in this reality.

It's a weird mix and balance and contradiction of things. If that's what you feel, then I'm sorry that's happening to you.

TEXT.

[mantlepieces]

isnt that kind of our whole situation now too
most people deal w it by pretending to be heroes

who cares what anyones capable of anyway tho
its what u actually do that matters

TEXT.

[fridgeflower]

If it had been somebody with an entirely different history, sure. It was me if I had lived two more days, though. I guess my worries sit more with my behaviors and less with my powers, even if that's a huge part of it.

Granted, I've grown a lot here. I know it's not actually getting me anywhere to get stuck on it like this, but it helps to process things and get it over with.