video;

[stubble]

[ By now, Cullen has figured out the different settings on his phone. Not all of them, but the ones involved with making posts to the network. Thank the Maker for that, because trying to write messages on the bloody thing is a trial and sometimes he just doesn't have the patience for it.

He's sitting on the porch, mostly just his head and shoulders—the latter clad in a simple t-shirt—visible in the video. The bland side of his house makes up the background. Not visible is his mabari, sprawled out at his feet. ]

Pardon the intrusion—[ Using the phone is one thing. Network etiquette is still rather nebulous to him. ]—but I wondered if anyone might have some advice on where I might locate a proper job.

[ His relatively neutral expression dips into a disapproving frown. ]

My current duties are ridiculous and wholly unrelated to my talents. [ The frown smooths out. ] I was the general of a rather large army and have been a soldier for the majority of my life. As a child, I grew up on a small farm. I'm accustomed to being active and prefer it to more idle occupations.

[ He drums the fingers of his free hand against the arm of his chair. He has no idea the protocol for ending communications of this nature. ]

Thank you for your time.

[ Eh, that's good enough. ]

Comments

[stubble]

[ He recognizes that look and can only brace for it. ]

You know what I mean. [ He sighs. ] I am not ungrateful to receive compensation for my time, but I wish to be useful. Not...

[ He waves his hand as he rolls his eyes. ]

[curled]

[ Still grinning like a half-mad man. Not even sorry. ]

Do I? [ He does, he's just being a shit. ] I would think after everything you would be more inclined for a less exciting occupation.

[stubble]

[ Cullen heaves the most long-suffering of sighs. Then he smiles slyly and glances toward the ground and addresses Pup. ]

Did you hear that? Dorian wishes to spend the day with you.

[ There is an enthusiastic bark as Pup gets to his feet. ]

[curled]

[ WOW!!! What kind of crap is this??]

What?! I most certainly did n— [ Dorian cuts himself off abruptly, sucks his teeth and then smiles so serenely. ] Well, then, I imagine he'd be far better company than you, you horrible man.

[stubble]

[ Cullen just smiles sweetly back at him. ]

Indeed. I rather expect he'll shower you with all the affection you deserve. And more.

[ Translation: dog slobber incoming in 3... ]

[curled]

[ NO. THIS WILL BE THE END OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP!!!! IS THAT WHAT HE WANTS??? ]

How kind of you, Cullen, to concern yourself with where I'm receiving my affections. As it happens, I need little. In fact I'm rather full up.

[stubble]

[ Just toss the stick for him a few times, Dorian, and send him home. ]

Then I suppose you'll simply overflow. You're a capable man, however. I'm certain you'll be able to withstand it.

[ 2... ]

[curled]

[ Just toss the stick, eh? ]

What a curious choice of wording. If it is affection I would rather enjoy it than simply withstand it. That sounds like a terrible chore.

[ KEEP THAT BEAST OVER THERE. ]

[stubble]

[ Think of it as keeping that nice upper body tone! ]

You're the one who said you had enough affection. I believe there's no such thing as enough. You should enjoy it.

[ Aaaaand there's Pup scratching at his door. ]

[curled]

[ He has that, thank you. He's a mage!!!!

And this could be a conversation he'd like to have, but he's interrupted by that scratching. In utter horror he looks toward the door then turns a tight lipped look to Cullen. ]

Maker help you, Cullen Rutherford, if I open that door and it's your blasted dog.

[ Without shutting the feed off, he pushes up from where he is and goes to the door. Nothing can be seen, but most certainly heard as there's soon a yelp of Pup's name and a clattering thump. Several moments later there's a very colorful flurry of Tevene that isn't fully picked up by the device, but what is is translated in little subtitles and it's not very nice—all amidst happy barking.

Then, nothing. It's silent as a Chantry.

Eventually, Dorian returns and his hair is a little ruffled and one side of his mustache is fluffed out of the trademark curl. He sits heavily and fusses with it, like a prim and proper lord. Pup hops up beside him, nudging his shoulder with his nose. Dorian ignores it. ]

You've just wagered yourself a war, Commander.

[stubble]

[ If it isn't Pup, then Cullen's going to be worried, but he's more certain that it is than he isn't. So instead of being cowed by the threat, he simply grins, smug and shit-eating.

The grin only grows as he hears the commotion. And soon, quite unintentionally, he's laughing. It's subdued, at least, and muffled, but his shoulders are shaking and his eyes are practically watering with it. Being able to understand precisely what Pup's saying certainly adds to the hilarity.

He's trying to get himself back in order when Dorian appears, but the first sight of him all disheveled just causes Cullen to start laughing all over again. And since Dorian can see and hear him doing it, he doesn't try to hide it. ]

Oh Dorian, it isn't that bad. Truly. Pup likes you. Would you like to know what he's saying?

[curled]

[ Oh, he scowls so much. There's little threat behind it, of course, but Dorian is Dorian and has to upkeep appearances. So, he's very much the picture of annoyed. But the fact remains that he hasn't pushed Pup away from him and just lets him remain sitting there beside him on the couch, nudging and pawing at him as he is.

He's almost forgotten that Cullen can understand the beast now. Glancing at the dog he makes a face—a reaction not unlike Lucy with Snoopy when he's licked on the cheek for his efforts. He grunts, disgusted, and wipes his cheek with the back of his hand. ]

Do I want to know? Is he set to devour me like those mabari we met in the neverending Hinterlands?

[stubble]

[ He tries so hard to be as gravely serious as Dorian's expression suggests that he be, but he starts snickering and ruins the attempt. ]

Oh, it's all quite complimentary. For instance, he thinks you're quite a lot of fun. Other people don't play with him the way you do.

[ Cullen isn't naive. He knows that Pup means the way Dorian pretends he can't stand him. ]

And you smell rather marvelous. Whatever you put on your skin makes him think of... [ He tips his head slightly as he considers. ] What is that? Not flowers and plants, it's—Ah! Freedom. Running through the wilds of Ferelden.

[curled]

[ Well, of course he's fun! That's no secret. He's loads of fun! And he smells nice, too. Dorian's always taken great care to present himself as clean and smelling as fresh as possible. ( Here with running water indoors and a plethora of soaps and shampoos and various other accoutrements, it's marvelous. ) So, he thinks to let the knocking him over go, but then... Then—

Dorian whips his head to the side so fast to look at Pup and this time he is more than mildly offended. He's downright aggrieved. ]

I what? I remind you of Ferelden?

[ He says. To the dog. Like he's going to understand. ]

[stubble]

[ Cullen watches as Pup opens his mouth in the canine-equivalent of a smile and flicks his ears. Before translating that, he decides to add his own comment in a tone of mock chastisement. ]

You know, Dorian, there isn't anything wrong with Ferelden. I myself am Fereldan.

[ A fact he's aware that Dorian well knows. ]

Pup says that the land is untamed. That it refuses to be anything but what it is. Like you.

[curled]

[ Dorian is still looking at Pup like he's the worst thing in existence. His offense, apparently, is still quite high. ]

Yes, yes, I'm well aware of where you're from, Ser Rutherford of Honnleath.

[ But, he relents a little bit and just sighs, complete with hanging his head down and lifting a hand to rub over his brow. Now that he knows what he does of Ferelden and having experienced it for himself, the comment isn't as insulting as it would have been only a few short years ago. Sure, it's still a bit strange and there's quite a lot he doesn't actually like, but it's not a bad place. ]

I suppose I can accept that as a compliment. Even if I tried I couldn't be anything but myself. [ He straightens and looks at Pup again, gently grasping his muzzle with his hand. ] That doesn't mean you're off the hook, however.

[stubble]

[ Pup makes a noise that's far from anything remotely like a growl and his tail wags as though he couldn't possibly be happier than he is right now.

For his part, Cullen just smiles watching them. He knows how Dorian feels about dogs. Perhaps everyone in the Inquisition knows how he feels. And it's rather heartwarming to see him settling into a friendship like this with one. ]

He says that you don't have to pretend. He knows you aren't truly angry. But if you'd like, he can pay you more compliments. He's rather fond of your—

[ Cullen abruptly cuts off and flushes a bright red, before saying scandalized; ]

Pup!

[curled]

[ Look. Dorian hadn't really experienced dogs until he came south. And when he did experience them, it was being attacked by packs of them. It's easy to not like them because of that! No one could blame him!!!

Whatever Dorian was going to say gets swallowed down at Cullen's small outburst. He drops his hand and looks to the little screen, already seeing Cullen's red face and the scandalized look on his face. He glances back to the dog once before turning to Cullen once again.

His tone is careful; ]

Fond of my what...?

[ Does he even want to know???? ]

[stubble]

[ Oh Maker, why is this happening right now? ]

It's, ah, that is—

[ Pup makes a few quiet barks and yaps. Cullen flushes a deeper red and shifts his attention away from Dorian. ]

I have done no such thing! And neither should you! That's terribly rude. I don't care if that's not how mabari do it, it's how humans do it and you're interacting with a human right now. Not a mabari.

[ Somewhat sheepishly, Cullen's gaze shifts slowly back to Dorian. ]

Pup ah, evidently has some personal space issues we're going to have to work on.

[curled]

[ This is... puzzling, at best. Dorian's attention shifts between dog and master with a mix of curiousness and amusement touching his features. Not that he's ever taken the time to imagine what animals must be thinking, but it must be quite the feat to commune directly to the point of clear embarrassment. Because that's what this is; Dorian can tell the difference between Cullen's getting red in the face with barely restrained anger and this bout of being flustered.

It's interesting, too.

Even more so when he hears that whatever the current subject is is how humans do "it" and not mabari. A strange assortment of images floats through Dorian's mind and he can't quite settle on where he should go. He clears his throat and rests his elbow against his knee then leans his chin into the cup of his hand. ]

Oh, I'm afraid I'm going to have to hear this.

[stubble]

[ Maker take Pup anyway. He is in so much trouble. The image is rather tiny, and Cullen doesn't know how well dogs see, but he hopes he sees the stern, rebuking glare he sends him. Because Andraste help him, this is an awkward conversation.

Perhaps if he approaches it from a different angle...

Cullen clears his throat and then bravely sallies forth. ]

To mabari, it's customary to greet others by scenting the newcomer. Typically, ah, where the scent is strongest.

[ All of Cullen's upbringing rebels at this. This is not how one speaks to a member of the nobility. But Dorian is his friend more than he's a colleague or a magister. That counts for something. He can be less formal without reproach. ]

At the hindquarters.

[ Cullen looks a bit pained. This is where he's going to have to give up the valiant attempt to directly state that Pup's talking about sniffing his arse. He hurries ahead like maybe Dorian will forget what he's said if he just talks over himself. ]

That humans have no such method of greeting is strange to him. He doesn't know why we don't do the same.

[curled]

[ No. No it's not likely Dorian will ever forget this conversation. For a split second—something so, so brief—his reaction flickers across his face that's one part stunned, one part offended and one part something else that even he can't put a word to. This is not anything he would have guessed. ( Or, perhaps he would have guessed at some point, were he to spend a lot of time thinking on what animals do that humans do not. )

For several moments he sits there quietly, silently, blankly and staring at middle ground. It's not often Dorian finds himself without something to say, and yet here they are. His jaw shifts, he clears his throat, his lips twitch at the corners and it's unclear if they mean to go up or down. Slowly, oh so slowly, he turns toward Pup who is still sitting beside him. ]

That isn't something one does in polite company, you wretched beast. Humans greet with their eyes, their bodies. We don't sniff one another—well, not usually, but that's entirely something different and certainly not there.

[ Dorian pauses as a thought strikes him, then drops his head into his hands and groans. ]

Andraste's flaming arse, I'm talking to a dog. [ He lifts his head and points at the screen. ] Teach him some manners, Cullen. This is unacceptable.

[stubble]

[ This is going to haunt his dreams. Which admittedly will at least be a step up from what typically haunts his dreams. But that's beside the point. This is still a disaster. See if he ever lets Pup visit Dorian unsupervised again.

Despite admonishment from both sides, Pup seems to be rather unfazed by the whole thing. He whines slightly when Dorian puts his head in his hands, then paws consolingly at him.

Cullen, meanwhile, isn't certain whether he wants to expire from mortification or just sink into the chair and disappear. Both options seem incredibly appealing. ]

There is no shame in conversing with those who can converse back. [ At least he can try to assuage some of Dorian's discontent. ] He simply requires translation, which is rather like what I would need should I travel to a country that speaks a language I cannot understand.

[ He dips his head. ]

Though yes, I will endeavor to teach him better manners.

[curled]

[ It's not really a disaster. Dorian really isn't that offended over it. Honestly, he's more offended that he's talking to the dog like they're able to have a conversation. What is he turning into???

Dorian sighs and looks at Pup again, lifting his hand he gently pets his head. He could play at being mad, but there's really no point. ]

I suppose you've a point.

[ About the language, not the sniffing. He taps his finger underneath Pup's jaw, the amusement slipping back into his tone. ]

And, you, no more of that. Not everyone is as kind as me, you see.

[stubble]

I trust he's learned his lesson.

[ The tone and the significant look is enough, Cullen hopes, to convey to Pup how very Not Pleased he is by all of this. He has so few friends; being made to look like a fool in front of one of the best ones is not appreciated.

Then he sighs. ]

You know, Dorian, I was going to ask you for a few lessons myself. But I think I've probably done enough damage for one day.