011 ★ Video

[unbreaker]

I guess it's that time again, huh?

[Despite being dressed in a stark white shirt, matte black tie, and lacking his usual over-the-top effects, Josuke's face is lit up like the sun. He waves at the camera, giving the people he's speaking to his undivided attention. Behind him, people dressed similarly amble in the direction of Heropa's police academy, most seeming to pay him no mind, but a couple of the younger adults stopping to wave at the recording camera as some people can't help but do.]

There's a lot of new imPorts showing up. Think I even saw some heading to the houses near mine. Reminds me of when I got here two years ago...it's kinda hard to believe I'm going on the third year already.

[He scratches at the back of his head and then shrugs.]

Can't say it's been bad, though! I've met a lot of great people and had a lot of fun. But things can get sort of wild around here, you know? Which is what I really wanted to talk about. As amazing as this place can be...there's a lot of shit to watch out for and people to be wary of.

[Not naming any names, of course. Not yet.]

But don't worry. It really does get easier, and you're not alone.

[With a toothy grin, Josuke gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Anyway...I'm probably in for a long day here, but I'm thinking of catching a movie later. Any of you wanna come along, maybe make some friends and get to know the ropes a little, you're more than welcome!

Comments

[unbreaker]

Bingo! See? I totally knew you'd get it!

[He's so proud of you, Lapis! Thumbs up!

Never mind that you sound so confused right now...that's not important.]

Movies like that don't leave you wanting for anything! Except maybe a rewatch!

[oceanthief]

[she mirrors his thumbs up, but she fails to lower the thumb and holds it in place as she replies like some kind of trigger that could be pulled at any moment. this is the definition of 'nailed it'.]

Shouldn't it make sense, too?

[because right now it's kind of...uh....well, it's very human, at least.]

[unbreaker]

What's that supposed to mean? They all make sense! In a movie logic kind of way.

[Because that makes sense, too.]

You see, Lapis, there's two kinds of logic: the movie kind, and the real kind. When people watch movies, they're not as likely to have fun if they use the real kind! Because people watch movies as an escape from what's real, you know? Unless it's some kind of documentary but only boring people and old people watch that kind of stuff.

Unless it's about like, rock stars or other famous people, because those are always pretty exciting! For documentaries, anyway.

[Who knew watching movies could be so complex?]

[oceanthief]

There's a pretty good one about coral reefs, too.

[look, she can contribute to this line of conversation! that's really exciting. and so was that documentary on the coral reefs of the South Pacific that she saw after exhausting every foreign language soap opera she could find on streaming.]

It just seems like an awful lot of effort just to pretend that your life isn't awful. You can't even interact with what's happening like with holograms.

[unbreaker]

[Now she sounds like Jotaro...]

Uh huh...I bet.

[Although, in all fairness, ocean life is pretty cool. When it's not circling you on 150 mile per hour winds in the heart of downtown.]

I guess those aren't too bad, though. But the stuff on big fish and sharks is way more awesome. And if you watch stuff with other people, you don't even need to worry about not having holograms! Even if that would be fucking great...

[oceanthief]

You guys don't even have holograms here? This earth seemed a little bit ahead, I thought they'd at least have that...

[she trails off with a small downward quirk of her mouth. geez, living on earth really was like living in the heart of Calcutta.]

I don't really watch too much on fish too often; if I wanted to see most of them I can just go look for myself.

[unbreaker]

I'm not saying there aren't any here, I just don't think that's the sort of thing just anyone can get their hands on!

...but anyway, if you don't watch fish stuff, what do you watch?

[oceanthief]

[there's a name for this, she feels, but Lapis really doesn't know it. after watching the first one she kind of just fell down the rabbit hole of recommended shows.]

Um...those shows where everyone wears really tight clothes for no reason? And they're always shooting at each other because they double-crossed their friends over packages of white powder.

[there's also a lot of crying and shouting, but this seems secondary.]

[unbreaker]

[Either she's really into mafia movies or she's been watching telenovelas...]

Gonna have to give me a bit more to go on than that, Lapis.

[oceanthief]

[she makes some half-hearted fingerguns before abandoning the idea completely. no, that wasn't going to work. uh, well, shit. what could she say that'd help him understand..?]

¡Ese bastardo! Lo mataré por esto.

[it's amazing how such passionate words can be delivered so tonelessly and with such a flat expression. Lapis is truly a marvel of the acting world.]

[unbreaker]

[Josuke chokes on a laugh and doubles over his knees.]

Alright, that tells me everything!

[Shoulders shaking, he looks back up at the camera, an ear-to-ear grin stretched across his face.]

Never woulda pegged you for a smoochy-faced drama kinda girl!

[oceanthief]

[smoochy..? her brow crinkles for a moment before a vague recollection crosses her thoughts.]

The parts where they smash their faces against each other are probably the worst, but it's been alright since I found out how to fast forward through them.

[unbreaker]

Lapis, no...you can't fast forward through those parts, we've been over this! The messier stuff is, the more entertaining it is!

[On film or television, anyway.]

Not that I watch that sort of thing! Much...

[oceanthief]

[lmao Josuke she's going to keep fast-forwarding through all the makeouts and sex scenes and nothing but you watching with her and wrestling the remote away will stop her.]

Oh, you should, especially if you like the boring stuff. There's a lot of really goods ones on that streaming thing.

[unbreaker]

[Whoa! He'll help fast forward through the sex stuff, there's only one person he'd watch anything like that with! And only because she'd make him just to watch him squirm! But makeouts aren't a big deal...]

Wow. I don't like boring stuff, okay? I like substance, there's a big difference.

...but what streaming thing you talking about? Notflix?

[oceanthief]

Right. Boring substance.

[you're arguing romance with a species that digs its next generation out of the ground with a giant virus-drill, Josuke. this is an uphill battle you'll never see the peak of.]

I think that was the name. Some company sent me a subscription so I wasn't really paying attention to the details, I just put it on.

[unbreaker]

It's not boring.

[IF RUBY AND SAPPHIRE CAN KISSYFACE SO CAN OTHER GEMS, JOSUKE HAS FAITH HE CAN WIN THIS ONE...THERE'S HOPE!]

So is that what you do all day? Fast forward through shows where half the plot is discussed during makeouts?

[oceanthief]

[she just gives Josuke the flattest look imaginable, but doesn't deign to pursue the argument over something so obviously wrong. thank god for her natural inclination to just let things drop regardless of her feelings on the matter.

for real, though. they threw Ruby and Sapphire off a literal cloud for a reason.]

No, that'd be stupid. I have to go to the zoo first.

[unbreaker]

You go to the zoo everyday? Why...?

[And why don't you ever invite him!]

[oceanthief]

I work there.

[why would she invite you to her job???]

[unbreaker]

Oh, right.

[Because animals? Discounts? Work with me here!]

Well, you still can't fast forward through shows like that, Lapis. I mean, if it's garbage, don't watch it at all, but if you're gonna watch part of it, you gotta commit! That's how it works.

[He's making this up as he goes and is praying she buys it. Otherwise...]

I mean, if you can't do that, I'm gonna have to sit you down and show you how to do it right.

[oceanthief]

You can if you really want to. They just added a bunch of new ones that I haven't seen yet.

[because god knows that she still doesn't see anything wrong in only watching what she likes. it's not like she speaks Spanish in the first place, there's not that much to miss out when they start flinging their shirts around.]

[unbreaker]

[But subtitles???]

...alright.

[Josuke points at Lapis.]

That's what we'll do, then! This weekend, you and me and Notflix. And no fast forward.

[oceanthief]

[do you honestly think that Lapis has any idea subtitles exist, let alone how to put them on]

I guess we'll see.

[SHE STILL DOESN'T THINK HE'S GONNA WANT TO WATCH THAT AFTER THE FIRST FEW TIMES]

You should bring a blanket, too. It's more comfortable to watch it like that.

[you know...when you're binging with literally no pauses....]

[unbreaker]

[Point taken.]

Why can't you just loan me one of your blankets!