011 ★ Video

[unbreaker]

I guess it's that time again, huh?

[Despite being dressed in a stark white shirt, matte black tie, and lacking his usual over-the-top effects, Josuke's face is lit up like the sun. He waves at the camera, giving the people he's speaking to his undivided attention. Behind him, people dressed similarly amble in the direction of Heropa's police academy, most seeming to pay him no mind, but a couple of the younger adults stopping to wave at the recording camera as some people can't help but do.]

There's a lot of new imPorts showing up. Think I even saw some heading to the houses near mine. Reminds me of when I got here two years ago...it's kinda hard to believe I'm going on the third year already.

[He scratches at the back of his head and then shrugs.]

Can't say it's been bad, though! I've met a lot of great people and had a lot of fun. But things can get sort of wild around here, you know? Which is what I really wanted to talk about. As amazing as this place can be...there's a lot of shit to watch out for and people to be wary of.

[Not naming any names, of course. Not yet.]

But don't worry. It really does get easier, and you're not alone.

[With a toothy grin, Josuke gives the camera a thumbs up.]

Anyway...I'm probably in for a long day here, but I'm thinking of catching a movie later. Any of you wanna come along, maybe make some friends and get to know the ropes a little, you're more than welcome!

Comments

[unbreaker]

You go to the zoo everyday? Why...?

[And why don't you ever invite him!]

[oceanthief]

I work there.

[why would she invite you to her job???]

[unbreaker]

Oh, right.

[Because animals? Discounts? Work with me here!]

Well, you still can't fast forward through shows like that, Lapis. I mean, if it's garbage, don't watch it at all, but if you're gonna watch part of it, you gotta commit! That's how it works.

[He's making this up as he goes and is praying she buys it. Otherwise...]

I mean, if you can't do that, I'm gonna have to sit you down and show you how to do it right.

[oceanthief]

You can if you really want to. They just added a bunch of new ones that I haven't seen yet.

[because god knows that she still doesn't see anything wrong in only watching what she likes. it's not like she speaks Spanish in the first place, there's not that much to miss out when they start flinging their shirts around.]

[unbreaker]

[But subtitles???]

...alright.

[Josuke points at Lapis.]

That's what we'll do, then! This weekend, you and me and Notflix. And no fast forward.

[oceanthief]

[do you honestly think that Lapis has any idea subtitles exist, let alone how to put them on]

I guess we'll see.

[SHE STILL DOESN'T THINK HE'S GONNA WANT TO WATCH THAT AFTER THE FIRST FEW TIMES]

You should bring a blanket, too. It's more comfortable to watch it like that.

[you know...when you're binging with literally no pauses....]

[unbreaker]

[Point taken.]

Why can't you just loan me one of your blankets!

[oceanthief]

I only have what's on the bed.

[a whole year in this world and she's never bought a single other blanket aside from what was provided to her...]

[unbreaker]

You're not kidding, are you?

[Good grief, that's sad.

Alright, so Josuke will bring a blanket. A brand new one. So she has at least one spare. And he'll get to be the one to break it in!]

What about snacks? Can't watch stuff without food...

[oceanthief]

Why would I be? There's nothing funny about that.

[you should know better than to assume a subtle sense of humor like that would belong to a gem, Josuke.]

The humans who live here keep stuff in the fridge, you can probably eat that. [...] And I think someone sent me chocolate for Christmas.

[unbreaker]

[He just makes a face and shakes his head.]

Okay, chocolate's good...popcorn and chips are, too. You've had those before, right? I can bring some.

[oceanthief]

[her face crinkles into something comical as she racks her brain for every instance she's ingested a piece of food and actually known its name. the list is short but still difficult to produce, thanks to her really not caring about something as pointless as that.

oh god. no one told her she'd be quizzed on this kind of thing someday. no one said she had to pay attention to food names!!]

...I think I've had popcorn. [or was that candy corn? shit.] Probably.

[unbreaker]

[Don't short circuit your brain, Lapis!]

Heh, okay...don't worry about it. Like I said, I'll bring some.

[He flashes a grin and shoots her a thumbs up.]

Even if you've never had it before, I think you'll like it! Most people do.

[oceanthief]

[NO ONE SAID THERE WOULD BE A TEST!!

she gives him two distracted thumbs up, instinctively copying the gesture again. as with last time they linger far past their expiration date. perfect.]

It's not like I have that much to compare it to.

[unbreaker]

[...yeah, he'll never correct that, it's too adorable.]

Come on, you telling me you don't eat much? I mean...I guess you don't have to, but why wouldn't you want to? There's so many awesome foods here! Well, except for the shitty Italian and Japanese knockoffs. I've had the real stuff, and lemme tell you, what they serve here doesn't compare!

[He's so biased.

And would also get along so well with Amethyst...]

[oceanthief]

I don't even know what an Italian and Japanese is.

[she's just...saying. they sound kind of like building materials more than an energy source to her, honestly.]

Eating's just not something that I really think about. It just seems kind of silly to spend a lot of time on a foreign planet sitting around and putting organic stuff in my mouth.

[as opposed to sitting around and binging earth culture, of course.]

[unbreaker]

Oh...um, they're nationalities. Like American and Russian. And Gemican!

[Wait, no...oh shit. Maybe if he keeps talking she won't pick up on that.

Josuke points at himself quickly.]

I'm Japanese. Well...technically half-Japanese 'cause my old man is British. Anyway, my point is that there's a lot of specific food that's pretty unique to our cultures! And Americans copy it...badly.

And excuse you, but if you're gonna go to a different country or a whole different planet, you have to try the food. There's so much heart in a well cooked meal!

[oceanthief]

[she understands none of these words, and the concept of a half anything even less. she thought that Josuke was human? it wasn't even a weird case like Steven - she'd seen his gem even with his little squishy pink outside, after all. none of this made any sense.

there's no way that she can keep the creeping horror off her face, especially as he just keeps going on and on and the bizarre meaningless words pile up around her like some kind of awful smothering hand. she does at least something that sounds sort of like 'gem' in there, and files that one away for further research. it might be nice to hang around people she didn't have to explain herself to for a while.

thankfully (she thinks) he just keeps right on chattering into a topic that, while one she still doesn't understand, she can at least respond to. bless people who talk until they pass out.]

I'm not really looking for anyone's heart while I'm here.

[unbreaker]

[Well that stops Josuke abruptly. He gives Lapis a confused look, and then snorts.]

I didn't mean a real heart! I mean there's lots of love in it!

[oceanthief]

[ok, but-]

I don't think that's edible either.

[unbreaker]

It's an expression, Lapis! I'm not being literal!

[oceanthief]

What kind of expression is that? You might as well be saying you're putting rocks in the food.

[which...she thinks that humans can't eat. shit. can they eat rocks? ah, fuck.]

[unbreaker]

[Josuke shakes his head and sighs heavily. Explaining shit to a Gem is not an easy task. They're as hardheaded as their name implies!]

I don't know anyone who says or even does that, for one. And for another, it's the kind of expression that means...they're taking great care with what they're making so that it's perfect and the person or people eating the meal will be really satisfied! That's why authentic cuisine from other cultures is the best! Because they care about getting the recipes right and not throwing in really gross substitutes! You...follow?

[oceanthief]

[Lapis momentarily clenches a tiny fist to her chest in silent triumph at having made an assumption about humans that wasn't completely off. they don't eat rocks, fuck yes. it's probably completely nonsensical to Josuke, but she doesn't even consider this.]

What's the matter with just saying that in the first place?

[unbreaker]

You want the truth?

Humans are pretty lazy and impatient, so shortening things is kinda how we roll! Er...that is, it's just kind of what we do.