O4 👶 ANON TEXT;

[pillz]

(cw murder, survivor's guilt, brainwashing?, jokes at the expense of trauma survivors, etc.)

good morning assholes

[(it's 3:00pm est.)]

u all remember the blackout shit mid jan 2017. count dooku rounded up 1direction to look @ the prison breakout using our magical superpowers. this is what we found.

short: electronics went out. nobody got any idea why but pi adachi believes its strictly tech. b4 they knew it, prisoners got loose & it was a fuckin massacre inside the compound walls

guards: some of them wuz evil. obv an inside job. these fucks maybe straight up disappeared pre riot? the ones who r left remember hearing a coupla them speaking german b4 they fucked off. then some of the guards wuz good. lots of the ones who didn't split got teh shit murdered out of them in gross ways. belt strangles, shivs in scandalous places. u should send the families fruit baskets. somethign classy. no melon. the survivors r pretty traumatized & sad about their friends. do not add melon to injury.

prisoners: got their hands on weapons hid all over the place. bathrooms, buttholes, walls, u know. seems likely some extra shit got snuck in or turned a blind eye to. the rioters were in weird shape psychologically. pissed @ the law & imports, but in a way that wuz ramping up kind of maybe unnatural while they were behind bars. dr. chilton needs 2 get them some ketamine therapy. make buttsex not riots.

other weird shit: 1 russian nullifier device found on scene. govt took it. it was totqlly broken anyway.

govt: wont give us surveillance tapes or let us go past the tape & there was tape fucking everywhere

Comments

[glowsferatu]

so not only have you never spoken to a vampire before today
but im going to guess from this that youve never read a romance novel either

[ When he shits on her business, he's sure got to shit on all of her business. ]

[pillz]

i said 2 words 2 a vampire once
mayb just 1
look
if u eat some russians or germans or whatever ill stay off ur jock
everybody wins except the russians or germans
but hwatever we got enough white ppl anyway
whats in romance novels

[glowsferatu]

romance typically

and i dont think one or two words really counts
not when my point is youve let fiction dictate how you feel a vampire should behave
and frankly thats just silly

irl cracking up

[pillz]

[:V ...................... :v ....

..... 8v...]

no tone fo voice on text
r u using a sarcastic textin tone

[glowsferatu]

probably

[ Or, as a friend once described it, "resting bitch tone". ]

[pillz]

[that's it exactly.]

wat scholastic literature do u reocmmend 2 learn about vampires

[glowsferatu]

this world didnt even know that vampires were a real thing until i got here
they had nothing in place to account for imports who might have our particular needs
on top of that you have nearly as many variations in the condition as occurrences
the book youre asking for doesnt exist
no one from this world would even know how to write it

[pillz]

man
what the fuk else u gonan expect people 2 base their shit off then
u dont got time 2 give the 411 to every fuckin moron on the planet who got an interest in ur fangs & weird blood habit

[tbf he probably also believes in that men are from mars bullshit too. individual variability takes too much effort, kanaya!]

[glowsferatu]

i know this is probably a wild idea im about to introduce but just hear me out
if the best think you have to base your opinion on someone you didnt know really existed before is horror fiction
maybe your experiences are limited enough that you should let the person as they are establish a better precedent for what you think of them over a silly preconception

one might as well expect that i plan to conquer this planet simply because im not native to it

cw sexual vulgarity, vaginal dentata?? idk is this an appropriate cw I HAVE NO IDEA

[pillz]

[that text message has way too much going on.]

hold the fuckin phone gritch
i thought u wuz a vampire
r u a vampire or a alien?
if u r an alien wit fangs on ur labia or somethin that doesnt count as a vampire
even if u have no period

[how many genres does ms paint adventures cover, let us count them.]

[glowsferatu]

[ but if her fangs were there she'd probably starve... ]

first off and for the record fuck you
are you capable of maintaining a conversation without being a creep

second of all the first thing i told you is that im an alien are you honestly telling me youre only now putting the two together
theyre not mutually exclusive either not everyone in my species is a vampire
its a rare condition limited to a rare caste that i happen to be a member of
hence the green
youd be able to see my fangs in pretty much any photo of me theyre fairly prominent
and on my face

1/2 (cw drugs)

[pillz]

ok u know what that wuz like 40 texts ago & im on a lot of cocaine

[he thinks it's a reasonable excuse, anyway.]

the fuck do u expect some guy to just konw that, man
could u turn a cat into a vampire
or a goldfish
most vamps r just 1 thing not 2 things

2/2

[pillz]

& 4 ur other question
dont think so
nah

[glowsferatu]

but we have already established that you dont know shit about vampires and so cant speak with any authority for most of them
whatever humans are writing about vampires is entirely made up and obviously going to focus more on humans
and even then you still encounter the occasional vampiric species in human science fiction
which is also all made up by the way
since you dont seem to be following that premise
all fiction is made up thats what fiction means

anyway i dont even spread vampirism to others my condition is all hereditary
i would imagine if cats or goldfish could be infected that would be a question raised entirely by the way your lot approach vampirism
yours are the weird ones
it isnt on me for not being human

[pillz]

wat
u mean if i want 2 bcum a vmpire u cant bite me & turn me into one/
thats the message im gettin
or even if i wuz also a alien. that shit dont fly at all?

[yes kavinsky that's what hereditary means. but he is being painfully human at the moment.]

[glowsferatu]

thats what i said
you would have to be a jadeblood to even have the slimmest chance of it in my species
and even then your awakening wont be triggered by a bite

[ Well, maybe. If it's a particularly fatal bite, your body might kickstart the process as a defense. That's how she got first back up after being murdered. ]

[pillz]

huh
ok


can u turn into a fart cloud or a wolf or a dude or anythin

[was bram stoker entirely wrong!! kanaya!]

[glowsferatu]

not a one of them
which is probably for the best considering the varying degrees of flammability to all of those things
i used to be able to turn into a human but that was the porters doing
and it was more that she let me turn back into myself sometimes

but generally im still the same girl from the alternian desert
except i can glow in the dark
i guess it could be argued that i can turn into a badass
but i consider the point debatable

[pillz]

what r ur special abilities inb adas mode

[hopefully not catching on fire, although kavinsky has personally always favored that particular activity. moreso than he should.]

[glowsferatu]

being very fast and fairly strong
not dying when i ought to

[pillz]

r u lalergic 2 sunshine or si that more made up movie bullshit
ur position on suckin blood during sex

[glowsferatu]

im solar-powered and im not answering that
why would you ever think id answer that

[pillz]

why not???/
human beings have food sex liek all the time

[glowsferatu]

but mixing food and sex isnt the issue here
the issue is that im not answering because who the fuck are you and why would i tell you about my sexual proclivities
i realize that youre obviously very open about yours
i dont think any of us could miss that youve grown a cock where another mightve had a brain
but you miss that this also makes you a bit of a creep

[pillz]

u shoudl become an detective