008. video.

[magnitudes]

G'day g'day, this is Sarissa Theron, local hero and devastatingly good looking rural.

( She seems in a better mood than last time she posted, and better form - and sure, she is, but it's also Sarissa trying very very ahrd to be Okay, and definitely not actually being Okay. Still, there's a healthy flush to her cheeks, and unlike last time she's got a smear of mud on her cheek and is looking like she's been working outside. Wherever she is, she's definitely in a field, and there's a shed nearby. )

I know, two posts from me, in one month? Overkill, definitely. But this is so important. Or, should I say,

( and she grins, brightly, before turning the camera... ) sow important?

( Yes, viewers. In-frame is a very large sow, pink with black patches. Around her are nine little piglets, varied from all pink to speckled to covered in patches, and one that is totally black. )

I just rescued these guys from a bit of a situation. Got them a special shed and I just finished the fences on the fields a couple days ago, so good timing, but I gotta head back into town to pick up some more supplies and that. If anyone has any fruit and veggies or pig feed or straw or - I mean, anything that you wanna donate to the rescue pig extravaganza, lemme know.

( A thumbs up; she is so excited. Pigs!!! ) And I need help coming up with names, because they can't all be Hamlet or Francis Bacon.

Comments

[deadtective]

Nah, my bestie's only got the Easter pastel ones. It sounds stupid as fuck, though, so that's promising.

[the amount of time that she hovered and hemmed and hawed over putting the word 'boyfriend' there instead is shameful. he's her fucking fiance now, she could at least start admitting to people they're dating.]

[magnitudes]

( oh HAZEL. It's okay, Sarissa still thinks of the woman she calls Satan as her fiancee, even though she's not seen her in a Really Long Time and technically they might have broken up and she's been telling people they're broken up but actually she's kind of still totally in love with her, so that's—

you know what, it's embarrassing, never mind. )

They're fucking stunning is what they are. Look like they got in a fight with the eighties and a cheerleading squad and just became more powerful.


( and, attached: a visual gem. )

[deadtective]

[LET'S JUST NEVER TALK ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS EVER they are embarrassing and stupid even when they're going really super well.]

Oh my fucking god. That is the dumbest fucking bird I've ever seen in my life and I own a goddamn owl with skateboarding outfits.

[they look exactly like Josuke. she needs thirty.]

[magnitudes]

Isn't it? They're totally tops.

Wait, do you mean the owl skateboards? Is it because it has problems with its wings, or does it still fly and just use that skill to do heaps sick tricks?

[deadtective]

Nah, he's just an overachiever. I had some people convinced he was a goddamn movie star for a while, he's that good.

[magnitudes]

if he here with you? because you probably could actually get him a movie contract with how much they love weird import crap over here

[deadtective]

'Course he is. But he's a needy bitch so I'd have to go with him through all that shit and honestly I don't have the fucking time for that.

[magnitudes]

yeah yeah fair enough

but money

[deadtective]

Oh, dude, I am fucking set on ways to scam cash outta people. That's never gonna be a problem.

[magnitudes]

All totally lawful and legit, I assume? Nothing involving illegal silky chook smuggling, or something?

[deadtective]

If nobody arrests me, it's legal. That's the way it works.

[magnitudes]

Oh, true. Yeah, that's definitely how that works.

[deadtective]

Must be, right? Doesn't make any fucking sense otherwise.

[magnitudes]

I wish I'd known that when I was a cop, it would have cleared up a lot of mysteries.

[deadtective]

Don't worry, that's what keeps private detectives like me in business. Circle of life and all that shit.

[magnitudes]

And it mooooooves ussss aaaaaall

[deadtective]

Except for the fucking corpses, but you know, petty details.

[magnitudes]

look, even Sir Elton has limited powers, cut him some slack

[deadtective]

You lower the bar and that's when people get fucking lazy. Gotta keeps the standards impossible or it's pointless.

[magnitudes]

I won't rest until I find someone who loves me for who I am and is made out of ice cream

[deadtective]

Don't forget non-fattening and lactose free.

[magnitudes]

And every different good flavour, but not mixed together, just magical every flavour bites.

[deadtective]

Uh, fucking layers? Hello? This is why you're still sad and creepy ice cream personless.

[magnitudes]

Wow, mate, I thought we were about unattainable standards, not fucking logic

[deadtective]

Listen, it's not my fault that creativity happens to fall into the first category for you. That's all your problem.