008. video.

[magnitudes]

G'day g'day, this is Sarissa Theron, local hero and devastatingly good looking rural.

( She seems in a better mood than last time she posted, and better form - and sure, she is, but it's also Sarissa trying very very ahrd to be Okay, and definitely not actually being Okay. Still, there's a healthy flush to her cheeks, and unlike last time she's got a smear of mud on her cheek and is looking like she's been working outside. Wherever she is, she's definitely in a field, and there's a shed nearby. )

I know, two posts from me, in one month? Overkill, definitely. But this is so important. Or, should I say,

( and she grins, brightly, before turning the camera... ) sow important?

( Yes, viewers. In-frame is a very large sow, pink with black patches. Around her are nine little piglets, varied from all pink to speckled to covered in patches, and one that is totally black. )

I just rescued these guys from a bit of a situation. Got them a special shed and I just finished the fences on the fields a couple days ago, so good timing, but I gotta head back into town to pick up some more supplies and that. If anyone has any fruit and veggies or pig feed or straw or - I mean, anything that you wanna donate to the rescue pig extravaganza, lemme know.

( A thumbs up; she is so excited. Pigs!!! ) And I need help coming up with names, because they can't all be Hamlet or Francis Bacon.

Comments

[magnitudes]

All totally lawful and legit, I assume? Nothing involving illegal silky chook smuggling, or something?

[deadtective]

If nobody arrests me, it's legal. That's the way it works.

[magnitudes]

Oh, true. Yeah, that's definitely how that works.

[deadtective]

Must be, right? Doesn't make any fucking sense otherwise.

[magnitudes]

I wish I'd known that when I was a cop, it would have cleared up a lot of mysteries.

[deadtective]

Don't worry, that's what keeps private detectives like me in business. Circle of life and all that shit.

[magnitudes]

And it mooooooves ussss aaaaaall

[deadtective]

Except for the fucking corpses, but you know, petty details.

[magnitudes]

look, even Sir Elton has limited powers, cut him some slack

[deadtective]

You lower the bar and that's when people get fucking lazy. Gotta keeps the standards impossible or it's pointless.

[magnitudes]

I won't rest until I find someone who loves me for who I am and is made out of ice cream

[deadtective]

Don't forget non-fattening and lactose free.

[magnitudes]

And every different good flavour, but not mixed together, just magical every flavour bites.

[deadtective]

Uh, fucking layers? Hello? This is why you're still sad and creepy ice cream personless.

[magnitudes]

Wow, mate, I thought we were about unattainable standards, not fucking logic

[deadtective]

Listen, it's not my fault that creativity happens to fall into the first category for you. That's all your problem.

[magnitudes]

Or maybe the expectations you have for my expectations are unrealistic. Did you consider that?

[deadtective]

Of course I did, how the fuck do you think I came up with such impossible shit to begin with?

[magnitudes]

so question

would it be more unreasonable if I were to expect you to be reasonable?

[deadtective]

No, that'd be downright certifiable.

[magnitudes]

Nice, would the certificate come in a frame? I love a nice certificate in a frame.

[deadtective]

Yeah, they embed it right into the padded wall so that you've got something to fixate on. Pretty thoughtful.

[magnitudes]

Man, interior decorators really are something else.

[deadtective]

Untapped markets are pretty big motivators.

[magnitudes]

Unhinged ones, too, potentially.