-4° - card-carrying anti-villain

[catchacold]

Officially unofficially in business. Let me know if you want something.

P.S.: Hope that clears up any confusion, Flash. <3

Comments

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[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Yeah, my concern is dwindling pretty quickly here, Mr. Snart.

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[catchacold]

Very formal.

Do you need some money? You can buy ice cream. Free round for all my heroes.

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[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

WHAT

NO

wait omg

is that where 'Captain Cold' came from?? Are you a villainous ice cream vendor?

IS YOUR GETAWAY VEHICLE A TRICKED-OUT ICE CREAM TRUCK???

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[catchacold]

I wish.

Nah, I just got a cold gun.

But ice cream's great. I'd get an ice cream truck if not for all the creepy associations.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Yeah, creepy ice cream trucks go hand in hand with evil clowns, nobody wants that.

Maybe you could get a sweet airbrushed van instead? Keep your own stash of ice cream in the back?

Or better yet, make a gun that just squirts out soft-serve ice cream! That's one way to go legit, and BONUS, you get ice cream LITERALLY WHENEVER YOU WANT

[catchacold]

I mostly go with motorcycles or by foot, but I like the way you think.

Seems like it'd get very sticky. I mean, I don't think you could eat that. What do you want me to do, lick my enemies?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

... OKAY, nope, I was thinking about giving out ice cream in cones like normal? Not actually shooting it at people?

[catchacold]

Then why would I build a gun for it?

You aren't the first, but you do have the best logic to try and make me go legit.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

For fun? Like those dudes who trick out nerf guns with gears and stuff for steampunk conventions?

Look, Mr. Snart, you seem like a good dude, despite the whole 'SUP I AM BLATANTLY AN ANTIVILLAIN' thing, and I don't want to see you end up in jail, but I can't look the other way if you're doing crimes, ok?

[catchacold]

I'm not a good guy. I've done some good things, but everyone has an off day.

What about if I promise to try really hard to not do crime anywhere you look?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

my dude you KNOW that's not how it works!

[catchacold]

Worked excellent for me for a couple decades, so I don't know about that.

I'll buy you some ice cream some time and we can call it even.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Ice cream won't stop the FRIGGIN LAW FROM APPLYING TO YOU MR SNART

tell you what

stay crime-free and I'll buy the ice cream.

[catchacold]

How about I steal the ice cream?

Seems like a good compromise.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

ohhhh MY GOD MR SNART

LOOK UP THE WORD 'COMPROMISE' IN THE DICTIONARY

I THINK YOU'LL FIND THAT IT DOESN'T MEAN 'DO WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE, REGARDLESS OF THE OTHER PARTY INVOLVED, OR INDEED, THE ENTIRE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM'

[catchacold]

Criminal justice system never did anything for me, I'm not gonna deny myself for it.

The way I see it, if at the end we both get ice cream, how wrong can it be?

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

Explain that to the poor dude driving the hypothetical ice cream truck who gets his pay docked because he lost a couple buckets of ice cream.

[catchacold]

This is why I steal at the source. Higher profits, more risk, more fun and if it makes you feel better, I'll give some change to the hypothetical ice cream truck.