video; [3/15, TW for murder most foul]

[wizzardly]

[Happy Ides, everyone. To celebrate, here's a pale, shaken wizzard on your screen, standing in some nondescript Maurtia Falls allet. If the pallor of his skin makes him look a person who may be ill, that's probably because he is. Or at least was. Barely thirty seconds ago, violently, behind a trash can.]

Once, just once I'd like to go a month without - without the streets flooding with ghosts, or being in ridiculous brawls in bars with bears, or being kidnapped, or - or -

[Rincewind breaks off with a pained, miserable expression, glancing back over his shoulder. As he does so, the video shifts enough to show a dumpster with its lid open, a bag of trash abandoned outside it. The angle makes it impossible to see inside.]

...There's a body in there. Two, er, halves of one. Someone's, um...

[Rincewind swallows thickly, fighting another wave of nausea.]

I don't think she's an imPort. ...Was. Gods.

Look - someone come deal with this, will you? That's what you heroes are meant to do, right? So one of you needs to bloody well get out here. I'm not - I can't - this isn't my responsibility.

Comments

video

[am_i_a_monster]

Don't touch what's left of her. You should go and let the cops or an ambulance handle it.

[wizzardly]

Are there really people who see a dead person cut in bits and immediately reach their hand in?

Because if there are, I hope I never meet them.

[am_i_a_monster]

There are all kinds of people. Some might think it's disrespectful to leave remains in the trash and want to honour the body.

[She won't tell him how her father would have honoured the remains.]

And others might have different plans for it. Either way, I agree. You don't want to meet them.

[wizzardly]

[well here's Rincewind looking distinctly uncomfortable to be having this conversation with a teenage girl.]

N...o. I wouldn't think them the sort of people to share tea with, at least.

[am_i_a_monster]

Don't share tea or any food with them.

[Abigail knows that very well, considering what her father had fed to her.]

And get away from the body before someone blames you for it.

[wizzardly]

Wha - ? But it's obvious I wouldn't have done this!

[am_i_a_monster]

What makes you think that?

[wizzardly]

I'd think it was obvious. I've been told it is.

[am_i_a_monster]

You're near a dumpster with body parts and cops like having a scapegoat.

[wizzardly]

You sound as though you consider yourself awfully informed on all this.

[am_i_a_monster]

I know it sucks to be blamed for something you didn't do, if that's what you mean.

[wizzardly]

Oh, that? I know that one as well.

[and being blamed for not doing something, and being blamed because he's just the closest person...]

[am_i_a_monster]

Then you should get my point about moving away from the body.