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[immigrantpunk]

ok so question

say you just got here

and everyones all oooohh ahhhhh superheroes and that's cool and all

but you're a) not a superhero and b) FUCKING RUSSIAN

like srsly my blood is at least part vodka thats how russian we're talking here

its kinda weird to drag me to a little room and say you want me to fight the soviets isn't it

like hey just go fight your own people because we say so and also you have powers now????

yeah ok thanks for fucking with my dna i guess WITHOUT MY PERMISSION

anyways none of that was actually a question, oops so here's one

any other russkies out there????? if not thats cool but plz don't look at me like i'm coming for your family

also how do you know if that file that tells you your power isnt bs because i'm looking at it like wtf who considers this a power, can't i have something cool like shooting lasers out of my eyes

maybe theres some mistake??? hahaha that'd mean they'd have to send me home tho right

good luck with that, im sure

ok im out, i have some kind of boat cruise to go to

DOSVEDANYA BITCHES

Comments

permatext

[immigrantpunk]

ok let me give you some russian history according to where i'm from

im not the best at explaining this but here's the idea

so russia was russia for like a billion years and they were under some dude called the tsar, he's the king of russia

but it was the usual shit you get with royalty, all the rich people had everything and everyone else had nothing

so a bunch of people were like fuck that and there was this uprising and eventually they murdered the tsar and his whole family because russians don't do things half-assed, after that it was the soviet union where no one could own anything because it was supposed to be equal

except it wasn't equal because people are shit and corrupt and we kinda ended up back where we started except worse maybe

so idk what you mean exactly, russians became soviets because they had to, its like saying every british colonist became an american after we won the war, even tho maybe some of them were like, hey england isn't so bad

maybe its easier to go along than risk what'll happen if you don't, you know?

permavideo

[viced]

So your history is just like mine. Look, it's like this. You can be Russian, without being a soviet. The Soviet Union was based on an ideology, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's the ethnic background, is it?

I mean, were you ever actually a soviet, or were you just Russian? As far as I know, Vladimir Putin isn't exactly going to call himself a Soviet -- even if he is one -- but Mikhail Gorbachev, who started out as the Soviet President and then dismissed the entire union probably didn't want to call himself a Soviet anymore when he became the President of Russia. Especially with the negative connotations that came with being a soviet after the cold war.

[ Yep. Politician. ]

[immigrantpunk]

[He's totally fine with talking about this stuff, even though it feels like he's suddenly in a debate in history class. To be honest, it just feels good to talk this out with someone, instead of just nodding and going along with everything he's been told since he showed up here.]

ok i see what youre saying

if you wanna talk ethnicity i'm not 100% russian either, same with a lot of people who were part of the soviet union

but that doesnt really matter here where people are going to lump everyone together in the same category does it

america likes having an enemy to fight, military industrial complex and all that

[viced]

[ That's what he's here for. And really, he was half-raised by a Soviet expatriate. ]

America has a complicated history with war. [ He hedges. He's not much of a liberal these days, and using those talking points will get him into trouble. ]

Although from what I've seen, the Soviets are a bit more brazen these days than they were before. They aren't... just sitting around having parades and dealing with internal problems, here.

[immigrantpunk]

ok and the titanic has a complicated history with icebergs

[And Jayden has the experience of growing up in a very liberal city, so he hasn't talked to very many conservatives.]

i'm sure that's what they want us to think, yeah

so are you like a social studies teacher or what

[viced]

[ Well, he wasn't really a conservative. More like a fake conservative -- all in the name of power. He is a New Yorker. ]

Ah, not exactly. My mom taught Civics, but...

Well, I'm a politician, so you know. Not quite the same, but there's some overlap.

[immigrantpunk]

[Aha, it all makes sense now! Jayden is from Boston, so the natural rivalry is there! (Just kidding, he thinks NYC is cooler than Boston, and fun to visit.)]

shit what the hell, everyone i meet here is some sort of huge big shot

what are you doing talking to me, don't you have politics to do

or are you trying to get in with the people (ps i can't vote yet)

[viced]

[ Rivalries are rivalries, even if either city is cool to visit!! ]

Just because you can't vote yet, doesn't mean you won't, and this isn't really about garnering votes --

I mean, I'm always looking for them, but I'm a human being too. [ He says, like he means it. ]

Nothing wrong with taking a little downtime, is there?

[immigrantpunk]

[DAMN you are a politician.]

ok i'll bite

what are you running for?

[viced]

I haven't announced it yet. Honestly, I've only been here for a month or two, and I'm still getting the scope of things.

[ A pause. ]

But probably something a little more than Mayor this time.

[immigrantpunk]

holy shit you were mayor, mayor of where?

and whats a step up from that

[viced]

Anything is a step up from Mayor. Governor, Senator, the whole nine yards.

[ A pause. ] Anyway, before a lot of us showed up here, we were in another world trapped just like this one, and I was the mayor of a place called the City.

And before that back home, I was the Mayor of New York.

[immigrantpunk]

oh sorry, i thought mayor was kind of a big deal

wait so you want to be president of shitty soviet world

don't you need to be a us citizen first

[viced]

Shit no, I don't want to be president. [ Here. ]

But I could be Governor. Arnold was a fucking Governor. Maybe senate. I'm still a US Citizen, just of a different US.

[immigrantpunk]

wow we don't have to go through some kind of interdimensional immigration process

sweet

i did that once already, never again

good luck with the campaign

[viced]

What, immigration process or interdimensional immigration?

But, ah, thanks, I mean, it's still some way off. I've been here for three months, so I've got some name recognition to win still.

[immigrantpunk]

just regular immigration

people don't pop in from other universes where i'm from, they'd prolly get shot on sight

gotta ask tho, democrat or republican

[viced]

Well, actually, when I ran, it was as an independent candidate. [ Halcyon days... ]

And same for mine. It's fucked up to think that they're just welcoming us with open arms, sometimes.

[immigrantpunk]

and you won?

like no srsly no one ever wins anything if they're not a democrat or a republican where i'm from

systems rigged that way

[viced]

Hah, it's generally the same where I'm from. We're a pretty polarized nation, but sometimes -- if someone's good enough -- you can do it without the party backing.

I mean, I had a little extra notoriety to help me along, at least.

[immigrantpunk]

ok bro don't leave me hanging

what notoriety

[viced]

What? Oh, I used to be a superhero.

[immigrantpunk]

oh of course

just forgot that little detail

i guess that explains a lot tho

[viced]

I wouldn't say forgot as much as... I just don't talk about it.

I think it was my midlife crisis, I mean, I was fucking thirty.

[immigrantpunk]

being a superhero or being mayor